My world is one filled with sadness and pain consisting of a four walled cell that was my room. I had a bucket for a
toilet and a pile of rags for a bed in the corner with a single window boarded up with wood and nails. Night and day my
captors prowled outside, went about their business, but I knew. I knew that before long they would be back. Back again
to cause more pain and more hurt, but not tears, never tears no matter how much I wanted to cry. I had learnt from
experience that tears were not tolerated no matter how much the punishment hurt, but they didn’t seem to mind it when
I knew nothing about myself, not my family or even my own name. The only way I could tell how old I was was from the
markings on the back wall. Every Christmas I would be able to hear the carols from my boarded up window on Christmas Eve
and I would make a mark with a sharp piece of metal I had found on the floor at least 6 years ago. I was 2 years and
already able to walk when I got here I know this because it’s one of the only things my captors have ever told me of
I don’t know what I did to deserve this punishment, the bad ones tell me it’s simply because I exist. I wished I
didn’t exist, then I wouldn’t be in pain anymore and maybe I wouldn’t be so alone. Because that is what I dream
about, what I long for. That somewhere out there, somewhere in this world there is a person missing me, knowing I am
alive and coming to rescue me free me.
It’s a dream, a fantasy and it’s never going to come true I know it, but I still wish it and try to preserve the
little of the dwindling hope and will to live I have left.
I can hear children now, down in the street below, yelling and shouting. They sound happy; I wish I could be happy. I
don’t think I can remember the last time I smiled, if I have ever smiled.
Sometimes I imagine myself outside. Imagine myself in the sunshine surrounded by green grass and blue sky, stretching
for as far as the eye can see. How I long to run through it and feel the blades of green soft under my small, bare feet.
The wind would be glorious as it blew my long, silvery locks out behind me as I ran. The scent of spring flowers and
pine would fill my nose and the air would taste light and sweet. And beside me was a girl with short red hair. I feel
warmth and love rolling off her and into me.
And then I would wake up. And I was back again, back to my reality, a grey, four walled misery with the rusty smell of
old blood and urine. My captors slow, even footsteps can be heard coming up the stairs to give out my punishment once
more. I wish I was in my fantasy I wish I was away in the field of green. I wish I was with the redheaded girl from my
dreams laughing and playing like the friend and family I can only find in my sleep.
I let one forbidden tear fall from my eyes as the door to my prison opens.
by Courtney D