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loveloss  
17 M United States of America
speaks English
Last login: 1 August 2013
 
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Member since: 31 July 2013
i know you don't love me anymore, and i understand. but that doesn't
mean that the things that you've done haven't had a profound effect on
me & my life. you taught me things about myself and about other things
i just had no idea about. you showed me how to grow as a man, as well
as being a good person, although it was at your expense. and i still
think about it, what if i hadn't done the things that i have; and i
get angry at myself when i do. and even though you've forgiven me i
still am haunted by it. but what does that matter? you were the first
girl i truly fell in love with, despite how i was. i felt safe with
you, i felt like you actually cared, that's why i always would take
advantage of you because i knew you take me back. after a while i felt
i couldn't put you through that anymore, so i let you go. for a while
i didn't really notice it, i would just do the things i normally do.
but after i while, it ate at me. this girl that i said i loved, was
gone. i never expected you to find someone else, and its hard to see
that, i was depressed about it, and with going through my grandmothers
death it was very hard. i always said i was going to kill myself, but
i never actually did. it was tough, especially when i didn't have you
in my corner. but i can't expect you to just "help" me. i've done so
many wrongs to you, i've made you hurt worse than i'm hurting, and yet
i'm here complaining about my problems. you're probably going through
a harder time then i am. we all have problems who's to say which is
worse, it's all bad. and for me to sit here and demand that you help
me isn't the right way. i asked too much of you , yet you did
everything for me. i will always remember the things you've done for
me, and i will never forget them either. and i hope you remember and
never forget, all the good times that we shared together, although we
were apart. i can always say my happiest time in life is when i would
spend hours on end on the phone with this girl i met online. if i told
anyone that they would mock me and tease me about it, but i don't
care; i was happy. you could never see my smile, and how big you would
make then with your whispers. you were just a beautiful human being,
and you still are. i remember how, you would always curl your pinky
when you took pictures. i'm not going sit here and try to make you
take me back. i just want you to understand where i'm coming from. you
made me the happiest guy when we were together, and i hope i made you
happy too.
i just want to experience that happiness just one last time. 


i hope you see this 
and you realize how much
i do love you.



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