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[CRIT] What Do You Want Me To Say?

3 July 2011, 08:20 PM   #1
Joined: 14 Jun 2011
Posts: 54
Last edited by ‹RushingStars★›, 3 July 2011
I'm simply in a writing mood. I wrote this off the top of my head. Read this short story
and tell me what you think!

"Kelsey. C'mon."

I kept my head down, refusing to look into Aaron's eyes.

"Kelsey? Say something, please." He hesitated. "I'm sorry...."

Tired of staring down the carpet, I lifted my head. I could feel tears start to fall down
my face, and I felt silly. I blinked quickly, willing them to stop.

"Oh, Kelsey," said Aaron as he took my hands in his own. "I'm really, really sorry, I...I
just...I'm sorry," he finished feebly.

He looks so small, I thought suddenly. But it was true. He sat on a stool, hunched
over, only a foot away from me. His eyes were sad, his mouth curved down instead of up
into that beautiful smile I once loved. It was almost as if he were afraid.

"Aaron, I-" My voice cracked and I just broke down. I let my hair fall over my face, a
last attempt to hide my emotions, to pretend I was OK. It was no use. I started crying,
loudly, my shoulders shaking. I think he tried to say something, but I didn't hear.

I felt Aaron put his arm around me and pull me close. How did he get over here? I
thought stupidly. He just walked, of course, but I couldn't think straight. Focus on
one thing at a time.

So you want to focus on how he ended up next to you? Oh god, I was talking to myself
again; not out loud, luckily, but really, it's still strange.

"It's OK...I really am sorry, Kels...please, please...." I could tell he was fumbling for
words. This was hard for him, too. Aaron always had some phrase or word to back up his
thoughts, always had a comeback prepared or a song lyrics to pick you up. Words were his
thing. To suddenly have no words must be terrible for him. 

"Kelsey, say something, please."

This stopped my crying. I jerked my head up. "Oh, shut up!" 

His entire body language showed surprise; the wide eyes, the way his arm lifted off my
shoulder a little, how he held his head back ever so slightly. He opened his mouth but I
stopped him before he started.

"What do you want me to say, Aaron? Huh? That it's okay? That I'm sorry? What?" I began
crying again, the worst kind of tears; sad tears mixed with hurting tears mixed with angry
tears. The outcome was not pretty. "What do you want from me? What do you want me to say?"
At the last word, I shivered and it came out more like "saa-ay-ay", the last "ay" making
it sound like an exclamation instead of a question. 

We stayed like this for a while-me sobbing while Aaron tried to comfort me-like a movie
stuck on pause. Eventually, my tears subsided. I looked up into Aaron's own tear-stained
face. I hadn't realized he was crying as well. I didn't have to say anything for Aaron to
know what I meant. "I know, Kelsey," he said quietly. "I know." I leaned my head on his
shoulder, squeezed my eyes shut....and started crying all over again.

3 July 2011, 08:30 PM   #2
Guest Poster
I love it!

3 July 2011, 08:37 PM   #3
Joined: 6 Feb 2010
Posts: 46
I read all the way down to the bottom without glancing away, and with my short attention
span that's almost impossible. :D
You didn't describe too much or too little, almost perfect if this were to be a part of
say, a novel. Even though it was short, I could already tell a little what the characters
were like. Yay for you! BD

3 July 2011, 08:39 PM    #4
Joined: 14 Jun 2011
Posts: 54
Thanks to both of you! :D :D

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