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new story

12 March 2009, 02:43 AM   #1
The Founder
Joined: 6 Feb 2009
Posts: 36
Everyone would like to see a new story it can be a chapter 2 just let the creativity

12 March 2009, 02:45 AM   #2
The Founder
Joined: 6 Feb 2009
Posts: 36
heres part of my second book

                                  Chapter 1 
                 Jackson was a sleep in his bed. He was dreaming a terrible dream of
death. All he has seen all who have died he awoke. The 72 year old got up shaken. He
walked to the next room. The man grabed a safe and opened it using the combonation.
He grabed his 357 loaded a shot in it. The man shudderd took three breaths then put
a round in his head. The old man fell over in a puddle of his own blood. 
                A military station way deep in woyoming 0700 hours 
                Pvt. James Jackson woke from his slumber breathing hard he could
tell something was wrong. Sargent opened the door 
                "Get up you maggots and get something to eat remember tomarrow your
goin to Iraq." He said 
                James moaned and got out of bed. He got his clothes on then walked
to the mess. When he arrived he got a tray and walked down the line. There were
something that looked like eggs for breakfast. James grabbed the meal even though he
didn't want it. 
                He grabed some and took a bite of it. It seemed like powder as the
dry eggs crumpled in his mouth. He made a wierd face and pushed his tray away from
him. Sargent walked by. 
                "Eat you magget you can use the strength." Sargent said then walked
                James pulled the plate up and stomached some food down. Across the
table at the other end was Helicopter pilot Jenny Dens. The girl of his dreams. He
stared at her blankly with dreamy eyes. She looked at him. Immediatly he turned to
look at his plate. Then he said to himself "Someday." Then he went back to eating
his food. 
                When he was done everyone had to run 5 miles to be ready for the
next day. When he was done he went back to camp. He sat down on his bunk breathing
deeply. A man walked in it was Commader. James immediatly stood and took a salute. 
                "Ease up Private." The commader said 
                " Sir yes sir." James said 
                They both took a seat. 
                "Your grandfather is dead they found him laying in a pool of blood
with a 357 next to him he killed himself." said the commander "He was a good man." 
                "Are you sure." said James in a quiet tone 
                "Yes." said the commander "im sorry" 
                "It was the saphines." James said "He always told me about them." 
                "Your grandfather was crazy check the files you will see nothing the
goverment knows of the story he told and they confirmed it wasn't true." said the
Commander "Get your act together you will be in the front lines soon." Then he
walked out. 
                James took a while to think what if those storys werent true he
                                             5 hours later 
                James went to his bunk. Deep down in side he wanted to cry but he
couldn't. He fell asleep. The next day he awoke got his gear. Went on a boat and was
being shiped over seas

12 March 2009, 11:01 PM   #3
Guest Poster
It's interesting, a bit repetitive and choppy, but otherwise good
The spelling mistakes are also abit distracting, but mehh

12 March 2009, 11:26 PM   #4
The Founder
Joined: 6 Feb 2009
Posts: 36
sry its hard witout spell chk

12 March 2009, 11:28 PM   #5
Guest Poster
Well whats your internet server? I've got internet explorer seven, and that comes with spell check bulit in you could also write it in microsoft word then copy and paste That's what I did for my story.

12 March 2009, 11:35 PM   #6
The Founder
Joined: 6 Feb 2009
Posts: 36
the 1st one

12 March 2009, 11:36 PM   #7
Guest Poster
Ohhh, that sucks Well you can downlaod the newer versions for free you know

3 September 2009, 02:39 AM    #8
The Founder
Joined: 6 Feb 2009
Posts: 36
ok thx but still new storeis people

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