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fairy world

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30 June 2009, 03:41 PM   #1
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tell me what you think it's not that good
when they are babies.
there once were four girls named emerald sapphire ruby and opal when there kingdom is
under attack. They have to go to earth. after 13 years later weird things start to happen
when they turn 13. Their hangout is the park so they meet there after school every day.
But when new students come and try to kill them they discover their power

what do you think!!!

30 June 2009, 03:46 PM   #2
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
I think you should start writing it!!!

1 July 2009, 04:43 PM   #3
Guest Poster
the intro
their once were 4 princesses when their 4 kingdom are getting overruned by an evil witch
they have to go to earth so they have to leave their home and their family but before that
their parents give a locket and a protector the locket give them are surpose to simplize
their powers so em got a monkey for being moter nature. sapphire got an penguin for being
able to talk to animals. ruby got an tiger for being able to turn into any animal. opal
got an dove to make peace to any one she meets. their protectors are the same. they will
discover that the only thing normal about them is that they go to school they will go back
to find that their parents are dead.

1 July 2009, 04:51 PM   #4
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
shannon you SERIOUSLY need to read what you wrote and fix stuff that doesnt make sence!
'em got a monkey for being moter nature' whats a motor nature? and you dont say an
penguin, an dove, its a penguin and a dove 
and alot of times you leave out periods. that makes it really confusing to read im so
sorry but you really need to work on that!!
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1 July 2009, 08:32 PM   #5
Guest Poster
em is short for emerald. And em got a monkey as a locket and a protector she has a monkey
 because she's mother nature

1 July 2009, 08:58 PM   #6
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
Well, that makes more sense, but like kittykares126 said you really need to work on your
gamer. Maybe you should type it in Word, before you post it here. That's what I do,
because I am crazy of gamer.

2 July 2009, 05:04 PM   #7
Guest Poster
chapter 1 emerald   
Time for school.   Mom did my schedule here. It's the first day back. Her mom said yes
ok can I have 5 more minutes em said. no!!!!!! her mom said come down her for breakfast.
fine em said. so who do I have this year mom. You have Mr.finch and Mrs. inch.
what their the meanest teachers this isn't fair. yes it is her mom said. This sucks em
thought I have to text Sap.[sapphire] sap who do you have she asked. Mr.salk and Mr. finch
sap wrote. Lucky you have the nicest and meanest I have Mr. finch and Mrs. inch Help em
wrote!!!! Were in the same class who's your gym Mines Mrs wimbley sap wrote. You took gym
I took french instead em wrote. Cool I wish I took extra french sap wrote. Did you text
opal and ruby yet em asked. No just finished getting ready you? sap asked. me too I just
finished getting ready em wrote. I'll text opal you text ruby em said. ok sap put. Ruby
who do you have em put. I have Mrs. Inch and Mr.stalk you ruby wrote. Mr. Finch and Mrs.
Inch em said. tough but you did have the best teachers last year ruby wrote.well I have to
the is coming soon I'll save you sap and opal a seat ruby said. ok em put. sap who does
opal have Mrs.finch and mr.stalk  so were same class em said. who does ruby have Mrs. Inch
and Mr. stalk. cool we all have each other in our class. yep  hey gys em screamed when she
saw opal and ruby. [she already saw sap.]

2 July 2009, 05:59 PM   #8
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
ok thats better but you still need to work on punctuation. its eisier to read if you have
. , and ".cuz sometimes you cant tell who's talking.
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2 July 2009, 07:35 PM   #9
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
Yeah, that is better and for like texting you might want to do it like this:

Em: Sap who do you have?
Sap: Mr. Salk and Mr. Finch

And so on.

4 July 2009, 02:34 PM    #10
Joined: 25 Jul 2008
Posts: 14
Contrary to what it may seem like due to other comments (LOL) the plot is actually quite
good and has a lot of potential.

I think if you would just type it in some sort of Word processor first, it would be
perfect.  It is good, though.

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