Joined: 7 Jun 2008
Hokayy. I got Bored, so i wrote this. I know its sucky but whatever.
It needs a name though. I wrote a little more
Okay, so I can admit it. I have a problem. But I dont belong here, And i'm highly
dissapointed. Where are the padded cells? The straight jackets? In substitution
They have giant pillows, and countless numbers of hard plastic chairs forming circles. I
thought this was a mental hospital, my dissapointment grew when i walked into a blue
room with rainbows and smiley faces covering the walls. There was a group of teenegers
sitting on the floor, Eyes closed and legs crossed.
"Now think about all the happy things in your life- Why hello newcomer!" A woman said
motioning for me to join the group on the floor.
She was happy. Weirdly so . She looked like a hippy. She had long red curly hair that
stopped just above her hips, Green Eyes, and a small nose with thin chapped lips. She was
wearing purple bell bottoms and a purple vest with a tie-die shirt underneath. She also
had a matching tie-die headband. No one opened their eyes as i sat on the plush blue
"My names Ms.Michaels, But you, You can call me Pat." She grinned. Pat grinned.
"Im Rebecca, You can call me Roxie." I said in a low whisper. Roxie is the name I made up
for myself when i was five. My mother told me Rebecca was a special name. A name for sweet
little girls. Like me. Hah. I wanted to have an edgy name, something different. Roxie was
the first thing I thought of. My mother didnt appreciate me changing my name, I actually
think it hurt her feelings. I actually think thats why she drove her car into the side of
our house. I actually think thats why she killed herself. Or maybe it had something to do
with how my father left when i was born. But i blamed it on myself. I blamed myself for
being orphaned at the age of six.It was all my fault. I was thinking so hard i hadnt
noticed that everyone was staring at me.
"Hello, Rebecca." Everyone said in the same tired tone. Except for one boy. The one next
to me. He haid shoulder length hair that was covering most of his face.
"Hey, Roxie." He said. His voice wasnt tired. It was lively and loud.
"Hello Group!" I said mockingly. This was so cheesy, so stupid. Is this supposed to help
me? Or drive me even more crazy?. The boy next to me laughed. It wasnt loud booming
laughter. But something about it was dark and condescending.
"Bathroom Break!" Pat sang. Bathroom Break? I havent had bathroom breaks since
kindergarden. If i have to pee, I pee. Again i say this is stupid.
Everyone rose off of the carpet including me. We made a line against the wall, which i
might add was covered in macaroni art. Pat came around and stuck a nametag on everyone. I
looked down at mine it read "Hello My Name Is Rebecca". I sighed and pulled it off
carefully. Then i erased "Rebecca" and wrote "Roxie". I looked at the people behind me
Alisa, Jason, Adam, Zoe, Skyler, and Lorie. I didnt try to read the nametags of the people
in the front. Skyler. Thats the boy. The lively and loud and condecendingly dark boy.
Skyler. He winked at me. We made our way into the hallway. I didnt pay any attention to my
surroundings. I drowned out all the sounds and chants of artificial happiness, and watched
my feet. I watched my feet walk on the tiled hallway, and finally into the bathroom. I
looked up to see myself in the mirror. I looked a mess. My long black locks were tangled
and greasy. My pale skin was scratched and awkwardly greenish yellow in some places. The
Black hoodie i was wearing was old and scraggly, and my jeans were covered in grass
stains. Im not the most cautious, or graceful person around.
When we got back to the rainbow room, there was a giant bean bag in the front of the
room. Pat motioned for me to take a seat on it. So i did. It was undenyably lumpy. Like
someone stuffed it with rocks. Maybe it was a torture device. Maybe the lumpiness was
supposed to drive me to rock bottom. Like in all those mental hospital movies where they
have people strapped to spinning wheels or chained to a chair while theyre getting their
brains stirred. Maybe this lumpy chair was supposed to be the torture device. Slowly
driving me to insanity. Or am i already there?
"Now! Introduce yourself. Tell us about Roxie!" She said my name like it was the name of a
" Well my name is Rebecca...But i prefer to be called Roxie. Im fifteen, and....I like
photography. I like how one picture can tell an entire story. I like..to dance? .. Even
Though im not the most graceful person, Busting a move now and again is fun....." I was
making this up as i went along. So i just stopped.
"Ok. Group Do we have any questions for Roxanne?" Roxanne? Whatever. As long as its not
Rebecca. When people call me Rebecca it reminds me. It reminds me that its all my fault.
At this perticular moment i could feel the cuts on my wrist burning. Under the hoodie,
under the white t shirt, under my skin and bones. It burned. Everything burned.
People raised their hands to ask me questions. I answered them. Some not honestly, but I
"Do you have parents? Or did They Die? Or do you have parents and the just dont want you?
OR Do your parents want you. But they think you crazy, and sent you here?"
His name was Jason. And i didnt like Jason. I hated him in fact.
" My parents....? Both my parents Died in a horrible Car Crash." I lied. Well partially
lied. I could feel Pat eyeing me. I dont think she knows about about my mom. but i think
she knows im lying. Maybe she is one of those Psychics. And she can sense stuff like
"Why are you here?" Skyler asked. He smirked.
"Why are you here?" I redirected his question. My teeth clenched, I was getting more
irritated by the minute.
"Because i need to be mentally Repaired." He said Tapping his head.
The day went by slowly. Incredibly so. We made Journals, read stories about "hope" or
something, I wasnt Paying attention. I believe i fell asleep after the making
of beaded bracelets. Pat was rambling on about how these activities were supposed to
instill trust in one another. I learned that you arent aloud to do anything alone. We
walked to the cafeteria together. I sat in the corner alone. Finally i had some time to
think by myself. Everything we ate didnt require silverware. Chicken Nuggets, Carrots and
Ranch Dressing, A juice Box, and pretzels. The chicken nuggets werent even nuggets. More
like one humongous lump of chicken something. I groaned i needed a knife for this thing. I
set my tray and the ledge of the bench i was sitting on. When i reached cafeteria staff. I
asked for a plastic knife. The lunch lady laughed and glared at me.
" Nice Try, Kid! I can tell your a self Destructor. Now get!" What was she talking about.
I headed back toward my bench. Someone was sitting next to my tray. It was the boy from
the Rainbow Room. Skyler he was sipping from his Juice Box. Thats something else i havent
had since Kindergarden. A juice box. I sat down next to him a stared at my Giant Lump
Nugget. I tried to take a bite out of it but the effort was useless. Skyler reached down
to the floor where his bag was. I could see a trail of burns on his neck. When he came
back up he was holding a plastic knife and fork. He set them on my tray, and smiled then
walked away. What was his issue? What happened to his neck, and why is he annoying me? My
mind threw out an array of questions, That i didnt have answers to.
Recess. Or whatever you want to call it.There werent any swingsets or monkey bars. It was
freezing outside, and lighty snowing. Which wasnt unusual for winter in Grand Rapids.
People were talking to other people. Friends? Im guessing some people have been here for a
while. I found a partially grassy area, and sat. I laid my head on the ground, not caring
if i was getting snow in my hair. I rolled over. And there he was. Skyler was staring at
me with one Eyebrow raised. Did he make it his personal mission to get on my nerves.
Because if he did he was succeding.
"Hello Rebecca. My names Skyler." He tugged on his nametag.
"Dont Call Me that." I said in a menacing tone.
He laughed his condescendingly dark laugh. I got off the ground and wiped the snow from
my pants. I walked around the wide field. There were staff members everywhere. I sat on a
small hill and played with the snow. I loved the feeling. The numbness. I wish my life
could be like that, numb. I wish i could just fade into oblivion.
I hear someone cough, They cough again. But louder this time. I shut it out, ignore it.
Then they coughed one more time, This time it was louder the last and lasted a while.
I opened my eyes to see Skyler staring down at me.
"What.Do.You.Want?" I anunciated each word.
"Im sorry If Im getting on your nerves I just- I'll go away if you want me to."
He was staring at his shoe. I could swear i saw him crying. Or maybe my eyes are playing
tricks on me. His hands were shaking, and he was silent. Awkwardly silent. I sat up
thinking about what to say. Maybe i should just tell him to go away, But that might hurt
his feelings. But why do i care if his feelings get hurt. I didnt feel like being mean
today. The internal battle went on for about three minutes. Ha. Internal battle. I
imagined my Intestines and lungs and all my other inards having a war. One side of my body
against the other. Skyler was still standing there akwardly silent. I cleared my throat.
"What did you want?'" I said a smidge softer.
"I just wanted to apologize, for irritationg you, So. Yea. I'm....sorry?" It sounded like
a question. He lifted his head, and semi smiled.
" I just wanted to know why you didnt like your name"
"I like my name...." I said defensively. I didnt dislike my name. I just didnt want it.
"Then why dont you use it?" He said raising an eyebrow.
"Why do you use your name?" He was annoying me yet again.
"I use my name, because my parents named me skyler.And i like my name and im proud of it"
He said matter-of-factly.
Pat was waving her hand in the air. Time to go back to the rainbow room. The rest of the
day went by quickly, it reminded me of school. Skyler left me alone for the rest of the
day. For that i was thankful. It was time to go to sleep. I started to get panicky. I
wondered if we would have to sleep in single cells on the floor. With just a thin blanket
and a moth bitten pillow. Pat lead me into a room it resemble a college dorm. the walls
were pink and had murals painted on them in random places there were two bunk beds on each
wall. Other than that it was empty. There were three girls sitting on the floor. Their
nametags read Zoe, Elizabeth, and Cassie. the room had cameras everywhere and out side the
door you could see security gaurds linig the halls
"Hey girls, you have a new roomie!" Pat said Excitedly.
I smiled in the girls direction. The one from my class, group, or whatever waved at me.
Her name was Zoe. She was pretty. She had chin length blonde hair with a pink streak
through the front. Her eyes were a vibrant blue, like a crayon. The other two, Elizabeth
and Cassie were brunettes, and both had hazel eyes. I'd Guess they were sisters. All three
girls looked sweet. It was weird. I wouldnt exspect to me such nice looking people in a
..mental hospital for teens. Where are all the cliche people? The crazy looking ones?
I hadnt noticed Pat had left, so i took a seat on the floor.
"Hi....ROXIE! My names Elizabeth and this is my sister Cassie.And this is Zoe" Elizabeth
and her sister looked Distincly different, despite their similarities. Elizabeth had short
brown hair, with a wide heart shaped face. Her sister Cassie had longer hair and a slender
"Hello.." I wasnt sure about the entire roommate situation. I liked to live and sleep
alone. By myself, so i could do what i pleased.
The lights suddenly flickered off. Elizabeth and Cassie took the bunk beds on the east
wall. I walked over to the bed and took the bottom. I tried to go to sleep, I wanted this
Day to be over. I wanted to dream. But i couldnt. I felt something land on my bed by my
feet. I sat up and saw Zoe smiling at me. She sat next to me.
"Hard First Day huh? I should know." she was playing with her short hair.
"I guess..How long have you been here?" I wasnt interested in talking to her, but i would
"Just got here two days ago. Made quit an entrance, too." She said laughing.
"What happened." My tone uninterested but she continued.
"Well..you know how they take all your belongings when you first come in? Well They took
my ipod, and i sorta kinda threw a fit. Music is
The only thing that keeps me sane." She laughed at the memory.
"Did You get it back?"
"No." She said frowning.
"Oh.. Umm. Do you know anything about...Skyler? The guy from our group with the long black
Her frowned dissapeared. "The Cute One? Ive heard Things."
"Like What?" I tried to sound like i wasnt interested or like i didnt care, but strangely
"Well..I heard that he USED to have a brother. That he killed him,..Choked him Then burned
the body, And thats why he has those weirdo burns on his neck...
Or something like that....People say hes been here a while. Off and On though. Thats why
everybody knows him. Hes really cute though.." She yarned.
"Well its late im going to sleep. G' Night,Roxie."
I finally fell asleep. I dreamed. Or nightmared, If thats even a word. When i woke up it
was freezing. I dressed quickly. We had been given jeans and Tshirts. The Tshirts read
"..Because A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste." I skipped breakfast. I just sat on my
bench, and watched people. I didnt understand how most of the people here seemed content.
I was craving to get out of this place. When we got back to the rainbow room, we had a
discussion about Things we wanted,things that would make us happy. I didnt care to
participate. The only thing i wanted was dead. I found a rubberband in the corner and put
it around my wrist. I popped it leaving a stinging sensation. It felt good. The pain. I
noticed that Skyler was sitting accross from me now, but i ignored him.
"So, Have you heard anything about me yet?" He said grinning.
"What?" I stopped popping the rubber band on my wrist
"Rumors. There's thousands of them." He seemed slightly amused by this fact.
"I heard you murdered your "Brother" and then burned him." I whispered.
"Do you believe it?" By this time i had rose off of the floor, So did he.
"It would explain that." I said jabbing him in his neck with my finger. He winced, then
smiled at me. He was standing i front of me so i pushed past him, but he grabbed my arm.
He cut me off "Why are you so Uptight?"
"Why are you so Un-Uptight?!" I was screaming now.Everyone in the room was staring at me
what was my problem?
"Because life sucks and then you die." He smiled even wider.
I didnt understand how i was going to survive this place. This was only Introduction
Week. The week when we made bracelets,and macaroni art, and "instilled Trust".
Next week our discussions would probably be filled with depressing stories, crying, and
people trying to kill themselves with those plastic knives someone had managed to sneak
I woke up, It was tuesday.I'd been here for a week, and i was ready to go. We were in a
room, It was bigger than the rest, and grey. Which was wierd compared to
the rainbow decor of all the other rooms. The group was bigger today, full of familar
faces, and some un-familar ones. Everybody was sitting on green plastic chairs in a giant
circle. Pat was sitting in the front with a clipboard.
"Okay, Lets get this started. Going around the circle, I want everyone to tell me why They
think they are here. Ok? Start us off courtney."
"Umm.Well!. I think Im Here because......." Her eyes kept switching between Pat and the
corner of the room.
"I think i'm here because...Im sure no one else can see that purple bunny in the corner of
I heard Skyler scoff at her. What was his problem? He was sitting three chairs down from
me. He turned around to me and stuck his tounge out. I wonder why was he really here. Or
would he just answer with something thats not really an answer?
"Well, Pat. I think I'm here because I lie. And I lie alot. Not just stupid little white
lies, Big lies. Lies that could change peoples lives. I ve got in quit some trouble for it
to." It was Zoe. She was a pathological liar. I wonder how many times has she lied to me.
The girl next to me was talking and she seemed quite nervous.
"Im....uhh...Paige and I think im here because....B-because I...." Her hands were shaking,
and I noticed she never made eye contact. I'd seen her around this place before, she was
always huddled up in a corner, and by herself.
"...Ok. Thats okay. Why dont you fo now Roxanne." Pat said directing her smile at me.
" I Dont Know Why I'm Here. Some lady at the shelter had me submitted into this place...I
dont belong here." Pat looked dissapointed in me, but i could care less.
After that i stopped paying attention some people were crying, a few rocking back and
forth. I didnt understand why, but maybe its just what crazy people do. I was brought back
to reality by the loud clap of Skyler's hands.
" Well, Ive been here for a while..Off and on. Shouldnt you be able to tell me why im here
by now?" He said in a sarcastic tone.
"Yes. That is true, but i want you to tell me why you think your here."
"Because my mind is a dangerous place, thats why." He got up from his chair and left,
knocking down a vase on his way out. The vase hit the floor with a thud, it didnt break
though. It was plastic; figures.
After about ten minutes, the room was empty, besides me and Pat. Everybody had drifted
to their rooms, or off to lunch. I laid my head on the floor, letting my mind drift off.
"What are you thinking about, Roxanne?" Pat asked in a chipper voice.
"Stuff." I said pushing my body off the floor and walking out the door. She would probably
write that in one of her tiny notepads, like she does everything else.