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The Young Soilder



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14 November 2008, 12:22 AM   #1
Alivia
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 17
Last edited by ‹♥밀크흔들어♥›, 15 November 2008
The Young Solider By: XxDawn` Sk8erxX Characters: The Young Solider~Joey Joey's Love~Saddie The General/Joey's Pa~Antonio The Newspaper Writers~Fade, Thomas, and Lydia Joey's Ma~Elizabeth Summary: War, is approaching. The wind, as silky from last moon. December, coming slowly. As then, Joey came along. He finally approach to Boston. He was here to visit his family. He was young and brave. Everyday, he'd spend his time at the River Bank eating food or take rocks and stones, then throw them in the Pond. He'd always liked the vibrations of the circle ream. After months, War came. Joey bought lots of socks and wore a wig. He wanted to be a solider like his Pa. Will Joey ever get his secret blown? Chapter 1 "Joey, come on!!! You gave chores to do." said Elizabeth. "Ma, I'm Coming" Joey said as he rode on his Horse, Kimme. He rushed into the Valley. As he entered his house, he saw his Ma sweeping the floor of the Attic. "Joey, go clean the Barn." Elizabeth said. "But Ma, it's Pa's turn." groaned Joey. "I know sweetheart, but remember, Pa is still at work, and he's not coming back until next week. Now Hurry up Joey, the Pigs are hungry!! Clean up the Barn, Scoop up the Dung, and brush the Horses, and then you can go to the Riverbank, so Chop Chop!!" said Elizabeth, as she continued sweeping. Joey went into the barn and took a Scooping Pan and a Broom. He swept the Horse dung, the Chicken Dung, and the Pig dung. He dumped it in the trash. Joey hummed. He chopped apples, carrots, and chopped potatoes. As he put the food in the Pig Pan, he went to the Kitchen and got a broom. As he finish sweeping, he went to his room and started his homework. Then, he ate dinner and went to bed. "Joey!!! Time For School!!!" yelled Ma, as she put Joey's breakfast on the Table. Joey got dressed and ate breakfast. He took his feather pen and some Bark Paper, and went to school. In this time, women could not go to school. Joey rode his horse and went to school. As he tied his horse cable on to the rail, the bell rang. Joey knew he was going to be tardy. So he went inside and explained to his teacher why he was late. Chapter 2 Ding Dong...Ding Dong. Joey woke up as he heard the sound of the doorbell. Joey went down stairs. It was the Messanger. "Ladies and Gentlemen!! Hurry Hurry!! There is a Ball tonight at Dawn tomorrow!! Please Hurry!! And Lady Saddie will choose who she would marry!!" said the Messanger. Joey went to the store with his money in his handkerchief in his pocket. Joey went to 'Offer De Lan' to buy some cloth. He asked his Aunt Lydia, "Hey, Aunt Lydia, do you have time to make me a Set Of Clothes for the Ball tomorrow?" asked Joey. "Sure Thing, Joey, I'll send you the Pack at Set" said Aunt Lydia. Joey paid his Aunt and walked home. As he started to do his Daily Chores, he set the table for dinner. Ding Dong...Ding Dong. Joey answered the door. It was Aunt Lydia. Aunt Lydia gave him the pack and the change. "Joey, I also made some Leather Shoes." said Lydia. "Lydia, How nice to see you, come in" said Elizabeth. She put a plate of food on Lydia's Tray. Lydia began eating. Joey put up his plate and went to bed, hoping to go to the Ball.
Writing is A Talent.

E61CD3

14 November 2008, 12:48 AM   #2
The Founder
Joined: 19 Oct 2008
Posts: 32
Okay. I have A LOT of things to say. WHAT TIME ERA IS THIS ANYWAY? And, If it was back
then, people didn't say, "Hang with your friends" and if it was back then, in wars back
then, there was not finances to hardly even BUY apples, and carrots. None the less, give
them to their livestock.

14 November 2008, 02:31 AM   #3
Alivia
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 17
Hmm.... Okay, but I'm 11, i didn't know this stuff and the Time is around the 1770s
Writing is A Talent.

E61CD3

15 November 2008, 05:30 PM   #4
Casey
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 231
Awesome! Geebus! It's November 15!

15 November 2008, 05:47 PM   #5
Guest Poster
Last edited by Kovee, 15 November 2008
I like it. (:
You're only 11 and you wrote that? Feel proud! 

A couple of points I hope you don't mind! 
When someone new is speaking~ you start a new line. 
For example instead of: 
"Joey, come on!!! You gave chores to do." said Elizabeth. "Ma, I'm Coming" Joey
said
it would be : 
"Joey, come on!!! You gave chores to do." said Elizabeth.
"Ma, I'm coming" Joey said
Understand?

Also, you only need one exclamation mark not three as you are putting right now. (:
Last point you're starting words with capital letters when they don't need to have them!
Just make sure you proof read. :D

Apart from that keep it up, it is wonderful writing for someone of your age.

15 November 2008, 05:50 PM   #6
Casey
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 231
shit. I could've said that...I learned it in class yesterday...

15 November 2008, 05:57 PM   #7
Guest Poster
Said what sorry? o.O

15 November 2008, 06:31 PM   #8
Alivia
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 17
Okay, Hmm........Oh Yeah!! Chapter 2 is coming!!

I'll write in less than 20 Minutes, I'll start now on Chapter 2.

And Casy: LOL!! Are you learning about Deborah Smapon and the Revolutionary, or the Boston
Tea Party, or The War of Lexington and Concord?!
Writing is A Talent.

E61CD3

16 November 2008, 01:19 AM   #9
Casey
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 231
‹hiina› : the whole thing in your last post

‹XxDawn`Sk8erxX› : No about the dialoge thing

16 November 2008, 01:36 AM   #10
Guest Poster
thats realy good for a 11 year old
and i finally started my book agian
but i changed everything

16 November 2008, 02:24 PM   #11
Alivia
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 17
Thanks and o.o
Writing is A Talent.

E61CD3

28 November 2008, 06:00 AM   #12
Casey
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 231
My current storys aren't near half done and boy do they suck

29 November 2008, 05:29 PM   #13
Alivia
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 17
Well, my story is based i've been learning on.

It's a remix of Deborah Sampson, and Cinderella

LOL
Writing is A Talent.

E61CD3

30 November 2008, 02:54 AM   #14
Casey
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 231
I can see the cinderella

30 November 2008, 03:39 PM    #15
Alivia
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 17
LOL....I know....It's in Chapter 2
Writing is A Talent.

E61CD3

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