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The Glass House


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23 July 2009, 01:23 AM   #1
Joined: 20 Jul 2009
Posts: 38
THE GLASS HOUSE                         by Carrigan Decker                               
                                    

 

 

          Chapter1 Halloween

One night it was Halloween this girl named Casey went with her friends trick or treating
this Year.  It was getting late they were getting farther away from the house and they
went to this house and then they went past a cemetery and there was a person just standing
there.  So the girls said to the person are you lost and the person didn’t answer. So
the girls said it agene and the person didn’t answer agene.  So the girls just went on
walking and when the girls tern the person was gone. Then the girls started  to run and
then they got to the store and there was someone inside.  The girls went to the window to
see who it was and it was the person they seen at the cemetery.   Then the ghost said
hello and then the girls screed and ran.  Then they seen this glass house and ran to the
house and started pounding on the door theme it opened and the woman said hi are you kids
ok.  The girls said no then the woman said come in so the girls did just that. Then Casey
said theta the woman looks foremiler.  Then the man said why are these kids screaming and
they said that there is a ghost and that it said hello to us.  So we ran screaming and
came hear it wont get us  in hear.   Then the woman said to watch some TV so the girls
went to watch TV.   Then the man and woman said they will be rite back just stay here and
watch TV there is food in the cabinets and soda in the fridge. The girls said where are
you going.  We are going to the store we will Locke all the doors.  We will closes all the
shads so no when can see throw the glass ok. The girls nodded in agreement.  So they all
closed all the shads and the man and the woman left it was quiet except the TV was still
on.  Then the girls started to eat some candy.  Casey called her mom off the house phone
and told her that we are ok.   The mom said as long as they are keeping you girls safe and
make shier to be covered up with a blanket and the shads are closed and then the mom said
the she will call the other two girls parents to let them know they they are safe and then
Kim hung up the phone. Then Casey’s cell rang she didn’t won to answer it but it was
her boy friend so she did and then the person said I have killed your boy friend.  Then
Casey said who is this crying.  Then the voices said I’m coming to get your parents and
then your friends parents then you and your friends.  She dropt the phone and fell to her
knees crying harder.  Then Selena picked up the phone and said who is this and then the
phone lost signal and then Sabrina was sitting there crying and then they herd the car
doors slam it was the man and the woman they cam throw the door with all of the
groceries’ and the woman said whets wrong going closer to Casey. Then Casey said stay
away from me i'm nothing but bad luck crying some one has just killed my boy friend.  Then
they herd foot steps.  But when they looked no one was there so they got close together. 
Then it got cyit and then they all herd a car door slam shut then the door opened  then
this person cam in and said I coming I will find you don’t think you can’t hide.  In
the dead silence all the clues were coming to me as I was thinking the woman whispered to
me and said hand me the gun under the couch toss her the gun then seen the person had a
mask on so we cud not see if it was a girl or a boy. Then she started walking toward the
person then Selena said whut if the person or thing is a ghost and then the woman said it
cant be a ghost they are not real and then she ducked down with the gun facing the parsons
direction.  Then it said I will find you some how even if I have too throw every thing
tell I do it.  Then the woman got up and shot the person the person fell to the ground I
ran to the person and toke off the mask and it was my boy friend and I screamed
Chapter2thedetha                                                                          
                                                                                          
You killed him I hat you. Than we hear a car door slam then Casey run out the door it was
Casey’s mom I ran to her.  She said why are you crying and then Casey fell to her knees
then the girls came out of the house and grab Casey’s mom and take her inside what has
happened? Said Casey’s mom Oh my gosh I killed my own son said the woman she fell to her
knees next to him and was crying. Then Casey cam inside and said why are you bye him get
away from him no said the woman. The woman said he is my son. Casey said you are his mom
now wonder you look fore miler I’ve meet you before remember I’m Casey he is my boy
friend….. The woman posed and said I cant believe it you look so pretty and different 
now the woman said sniffling oh my goodness I killed my son and your boy friend I’m such
a bad mother said the woman crying even harder and then Casey said your not a bad mother
and then started crying then they huge and then Casey’s mom knelt to the ground and
touched micelle’s neck and said that we can still make it to the hospital in time….
come on then lest take him to the car said micelle’s dad whale pinking him up.  I’m
coming with said Casey then Casey’s mom said that you shod stay hear with his mom.. NO
we are all going together said Casey then they all left all the doors were lock up and the
shads were closed.  Then  they got to the hospital and said yelled to the doctor outside
WE NEED HELP AND FAST NOW the doctor came running tored us and got the son and say hear
give me the boy I will take him to the room writ away all or you stay her and fill a form
out.  NO said the mom and Casey we are going with him the doctor said are you family I’m
his my said the woman and then who are you I’m Casey I’m his girl friend then every
one else stay her and his mom my name is Andrea and Casey come with me. They got to the
room and the doctor said that we need to do surgery on him to get the bullit out  so you 
need to get out so we can do it.  Three owners later it is now 4:00 am and the girls are
sleeping  Casey cried her self to sleep  on her mom’s lap after they got out of the room
to the lobby and all  the parents are sitting waiting for inform shin. chapter 3 the
inform shin

We finely got the inform shin and it was good  he had mad it out of recovery at 6:00am all
the parents but his mom were sleeping and all the kids were sleeping and then out of the
blue Michel came out with the doctor and his mom ran too hug him and then he seen Casey
and gave his mom a huge then waddle over to Casey and gave her a kiss and then she wok to
see him standing before her an she got up and gave him a hug then she said I’m glad you
are ok and I’m glad to see you  lets go bake to your house  they all go too the house 
the shads were open and the doors were unlooked then…………………Chapter 4  down
of the night…  then they went in to the house and seen nothing missing or broken so they
were ok then Casey and Michel went to his room and closed the cretins and then they closed
the door and started to talk. Casey was on the bed next to him and then they herd a nose
and ran out to were every one was at and they were like are you guys ok yes were fine so
what did you guys talk about said Sabrina nothing we just talked and that was it.  chapter
5 time to go We were In the room and we started to make out and then we herd a nose and
that is all that happened thank good nice said Casey.  Well girls time to go said
Casey’s mom well come agene soon said micelle’s mom ok we will said Casey's mom bye. 
Then they got home the other too girls were sleeping over and so they went to go put there
pajamas on then they herd a nose and said it was probably the wind outside said scalene
then they put the TV on after they got dress then they herd it agene so they just sat in
silliness fore a while and then the nose happened agene so they were crept out then it
scratch the window then it stopped………..

Chapter 6 it is not just nose 

Then they went to the window and the thy heard a nose and ran to the end of the bed, all
of a sudden the window started to open and to their surprise it was Michael and he said
that he snuck out and told his parents that he was going to go to bed then he climbed out
his own window just to come and hang out with us. Then a few hours later he left then all
the girls found out it was all his fault the ghost and everything he was just thing to
prank us.
Hello my name is carrie and i love to wright storys so i have been trying to wright them on here so yeah i hope u love or at lesset like them

23 July 2009, 02:55 AM   #2
Guest Poster
You...didn't even try, did you?

23 July 2009, 02:58 AM   #3
Joined: 20 Jul 2009
Posts: 38
Yeah but this was like for ever ago it was when i was like 10
Hello my name is carrie and i love to wright storys so i have been trying to wright them on here so yeah i hope u love or at lesset like them

23 July 2009, 09:57 PM   #4
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
i think it was good, just need the little '' signs and it would be better, but other than
that, its really good!

23 July 2009, 10:09 PM   #5
Joined: 20 Jul 2009
Posts: 38
aww thanks
Hello my name is carrie and i love to wright storys so i have been trying to wright them on here so yeah i hope u love or at lesset like them

23 July 2009, 10:28 PM   #6
Guest Poster
Its hard to follow. D: THERE IS NOT PERIODS. > . >

But other then that its alright. :]

3 August 2009, 06:06 PM   #7
Joined: 20 Jul 2009
Posts: 38
I have periads
Hello my name is carrie and i love to wright storys so i have been trying to wright them on here so yeah i hope u love or at lesset like them

3 August 2009, 06:57 PM   #8
Guest Poster
I won't go easy on you and I won't lie to you.

This. Was. Terrible. Of course some other people might say otherwise, but I think I just
died a bit inside.

You didn't even use the basic rules of writing, I don't even have a clue of what just
happened, you didn't use punctuation or commas, and overall, it looks like just one big
blob of words put together.

Let me ask you these questions. Do you know what paragraphs are? What dialogue is? How to
use periods or commas or use grammar? Do you even know how to spell?

Let's go over some of the most important things. First, every-time a new dialogue is
introduced, it is put in a new paragraph with punctuation. P-U-N-C-T-U-A-T-I-O-N, commit
it to memory! (Quote originally from Axel from KH2. Axel: GOT IT MEMORIZED?!)

Example:

"Oh my god, did you hear what happened to Amy Jones?" Nella whispered to her friend,
Cassandra.

"Yeah, I heard that she got caught smoking," Cassandra replied back, and Nella snickered
behind one hand.

"Who knew with a goody-two shoes like her," she said and Cassandra nodded her agreement.

"I know, right?"

Second, paragraphs are another important thing. If you don't put your words in paragraphs,
the reader will have a hard time reading. 

Example (taken from one of my original stories so don't steal, m'kay?):

When he arrived out onto the pavement, he was freshly dressed in an old hoodie –
which was too large for him – ripped up jeans, checkered sneakers, and his trademark old
pocket-watch hanging from a chain around his neck. He had gathered his black hair up with
an equally black ribbon. His hair only barely brushed his shoulders, but he didn’t like
having it in the way so he preferred it being tied. It was his usual attire for autumn.

A navy blue backpack with black straps was slung over one shoulder and he furiously
pounded on the sidewalk, crunching scattered leaves. The trees were all in a colorful
array with yellows, and reds, and browns. It was a beautiful sight, but Crow had no time
to admire it. He had taken too long this morning, smoothing out his clothes and cleaning
up the bathroom. He should have done that after school….
	
It was too late now which was seven forty. School started at eight and it took him a while
to get ready in the morning. Growling to himself, Crow ran faster, convinced that he could
make it to the school before the first period bell rung. He was quick and nimble after
all. He didn’t see a sleek, red sports car pulling up beside him until the window rolled
down and a voice spoke out.
	
“Hey, why in a hurry?” Myde called out with a grin. Crow looked beside him, surprised
at seeing his face.

Chapter titles shouldn't be in the same sentence as the last chapter. 

Example:

Chapter 1 - Blah

Once upon a time there was a little girl of fine hair of gold....

Chapter 2 - This Is An Example

The prince laughed out loud and patted his horse's mane....

Chapter 3 - See What I Mean?

The evil queen was jealous of the girl's beauty and ordered for her to be killed.....

You need to remember capitalization. All titles, names, or the beginning of a sentence has
to be capitalized. For instance, cassandra would be Cassandra because it would be a name.
racoon city would be Racoon City. Racoon High School would also have to be capitalized and
the same goes for the names of buildings, etc. this is not a right way to start a
sentence. This is the right way to start a sentence.

It also looks like you tend to switch POVs. If this is a story about a girl called Casey,
then it would be in third person point of view or in her POV. So no I's, we's, us', and
stuff like that unless you are putting it in another person's point of view. If you are
then you would do the person's name and POV after it. 

As for grammar and spelling, I think you're going to have to fix that up on your own. I
can't help you much with that, sorry.

This site should help you a lot:

http://www.writersblock.ca/tips/index.htm

3 August 2009, 07:36 PM   #9
Guest Poster
 this is long !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

4 August 2009, 08:35 PM   #10
Joined: 31 May 2008
Posts: 23
Okay uhm syndromatic_wonderland: I think you forgot the part where it said SHE WAS TEN
WHEN SHE WROTE THIS. Yeah, you went over the rules and you mentioned the correct terms
that are needed for a story, or any form of liiterature, for that matter. But you didn't
have to be a total bitch about it.

5 August 2009, 01:57 AM   #11
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
Try, not saying the word SO and THEN. Also, tell us, about Casey, and her friends. Give
us the setting, too! Don't just say:

"then they went past a cemetery..."

Tell us what the cemetery looked like or what was the name.

Also, you just tell us there was a man...well what does he look like?

Make the characters in this story come alive!

Also, just spell check!

I couldn't follow it, because you spelled so many things wrong.

I am a bad speller, but before I let any of my friends read my stories I type them up
first.

Just to let you know...since I couldn't follow this story I didn't even finish it. Well, I
actually didn't even get past chapter one. That is pretty bad, because usually I CAN make
myself finish a story like this. But I will give this very important tip:

CORRECT ALL YOUR MISTAKES AND MAKE THE STORY BETTER BY ADDING ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF,
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY HAVE FUN WHILE YOU DO THIS!

23 February 2010, 03:13 AM   #12
Joined: 20 Jul 2009
Posts: 38
im sorry u guys i no its bad but hey i am going to do way better soon. i am 14 now so
yeah. i have more storys i made and they are
wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better then this lol i over read this
and it SUX....i no my spelling SUX as well but i hope it gets wayy better soon..
Hello my name is carrie and i love to wright storys so i have been trying to wright them on here so yeah i hope u love or at lesset like them

23 February 2010, 03:49 AM   #13
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
This was awesome!The best story I have ever read and your grammar is great!Its like this
was written by an expert on writing storys!OMG this was the best!You are the greatest
writter ever!:D

23 February 2010, 05:44 AM   #14
Guest Poster
Okay uhm syndromatic_wonderland: I think you forgot the part where it said SHE WAS TEN WHEN SHE WROTE THIS. Yeah, you went over the rules and you mentioned the correct terms that are needed for a story, or any form of liiterature, for that matter. But you didn't have to be a total bitch about it.
Ten. Uhh, when I was ten, I can type everything without spellcheck. Don't give such low expectations for ten-year-olds. ;D Obviously, the author should pay more attention in class from now on.
I won't go easy on you and I won't lie to you. This. Was. Terrible. Of course some other people might say otherwise, but I think I just died a bit inside. You didn't even use the basic rules of writing, I don't even have a clue of what just happened, you didn't use punctuation or commas, and overall, it looks like just one big blob of words put together. Let me ask you these questions. Do you know what paragraphs are? What dialogue is? How to use periods or commas or use grammar? Do you even know how to spell? Let's go over some of the most important things. First, every-time a new dialogue is introduced, it is put in a new paragraph with punctuation. P-U-N-C-T-U-A-T-I-O-N, commit it to memory! (Quote originally from Axel from KH2. Axel: GOT IT MEMORIZED?!)
(Y) I agree. Punctuation is like 50% of the story's effort. XD (crap, i just used spellcheck. D
This was awesome!The best story I have ever read and your grammar is great!Its like this was written by an expert on writing storys!OMG this was the best!You are the greatest writter ever!:D
Grammar is great? Please space after your exclamation marks and punctuation. Sorry, critical critique moment. XD ignore what I said.

23 February 2010, 05:46 AM    #15
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
I couldn't stay away because of your rockin tits.Please write more soon i'm begging
you!:D

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