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writing:poetry:not perfect

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7 July 2009, 06:09 PM   #1
Guest Poster
I look in the mirror at the disheveled beast that is me,
The long matted hairy, the fair skin, and shallow eyes that dare.
Twisted lips, and lopsided nose, droopy eyes and strong jaw bones.
slender and ripped skin,orange checks, a pocka dotted chin.

 But on the plus side, my eyes are the color of the shining sea.
My lashes long like whiskers.
Strong thighs, and curvy hips.
muscular body with twisty lips.

All in all I'm not the best,
I try my hardest, I do my best.
I'm not that perfect someone ... but i can be,
I just need some help.... I need to be free!

tell me what you think

8 July 2009, 09:12 AM   #2
The Founder
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
Posts: 10
(Here's my opinion, it's just an opinion, I'm not meaning to offend you in anyway with
my critcisms. If it does upset you in anyway, just tell me, so I can know what I'm doing
I liked your begining and your word choice. The words in the first stanza really flowed
together nicely. The first line of the second stanza broke the mold a little, but it was
still good. 'All in all' is one of my favorite lines to use, a way to sum things up, but I
feel that with this poem, there wasn't an awful lot of info to sum up. I liked the theme
of the poem, though. It was like you started with the negative, then suddenly looked on
the bright side, and ended with why you aren't perfect or why you wrote the first stanza.
It was pretty good, a few things could be changed, but most of my poems are less than
perfect so how can I judge?
P.S. - Thank you for posting, I appreciate it.

8 July 2009, 03:50 PM   #3
Guest Poster
you are more than welcome for my posting this.
i will post all my poems.
thank you for your input, I appreciate it.

8 July 2009, 06:24 PM   #4
Guest Poster
I walk among this cold bitter world.As I move one step at a time people look and
stare.They laugh they think about a girl they see a girl who is losing her life.Children
point and laugh when they see her,Her looks,the way she walks,dresses and speaks.The girl
runs crying covering her face.She runs to a dark and cold place and starts bursting into
tears,wondering why the world has to be so cruel to people around them.As I write this I
think that this is the complactions of me life.Cruel and Bitter.

-by me. dawn

8 July 2009, 06:25 PM   #5
Guest Poster
My life is falling into little pieces.I can't bare to think about it much more.When I
look into the mirror I see a girl,not just any girl but a lonely one desprate for love.I
try to be happy but Everything just falls apart.During my days I think abot what I could
change about myself,there are so many possibilites But I know if I try it people would
laugh and think why I even bothered why I try my hardest when everything falls apart.

-dawn. by me

8 July 2009, 06:25 PM   #6
Guest Poster
Im sitting here in this cold dark room with nothing or anyone to love. I try my hardest
day by day but nothing seems to work.As i sit here crying I wonder how thrilled people
would be with me gone.Would they noticed if I left? The one i truley loed has left and
abdoned me here.Then I think to my slef everyone would probally be so much happier if I
wasn't born.The world would be so much more plesent,there would be less litter among the
nature's floor.I know my friends and family think about me,but do they think of me as
someone who will always be there for you,someone they love and trust.Or will they think of
me as some oone sitting in the same old dark room.

-dawn. bye mee

8 July 2009, 06:26 PM   #7
Guest Poster
Im holding on to a dream that will never come true.
Everyday i look into my mirror and i see the same broken heart of mine.
Tears run down my face,and to think that you dont care.
Tonite when i go to sleep i'll be crying and I wonder if it will ever end.
I have another lonley night with empty dreams.
Now you know how much I think of you.
I love you.

-dawn. by me

8 July 2009, 06:26 PM   #8
Guest Poster
I creid so hard when i found out that u where gone.Everynight i see you face in my
dreams,i think of what it would be like to c you again. Friends are soposed to be
forever.not for them too just walk out on you. I loved you a lot and now ur gone i truely
don't care anymore.

-dawn. by me

31 August 2009, 03:32 PM   #9
The Founder
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
Posts: 10
Thank you for posting <duckie> . your poems describe what many people are going
through and feeling, you've put into words your thoughts and feelings. Although your
transitions could use some work, your poems are good.

6 January 2012, 03:19 PM    #10
Guest Poster
My inperfections make me, me,
Though, it's not what I wish to see.
So many things to take away,
But I wouldn't want it another way.

Both contradicting sides of me,
Always seem to plea,
"Why! Why can't we both agree!
For, I despise being an enemy!"

But, I realize that someday,
I will find a way,
To be able to say,
That I am beautiful everyday.

I hope you guys enjoyed!

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