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FIRST START TO WRITING PROBABLY SUCKS


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25 May 2009, 02:03 PM   #1
Guest Poster
Kiera: Im Done I Cant Take This Anymore Gilbert.
Gilbert: Kiera your not leaving me ill be damm if you do.
I try runing for the door but gilbert manages to run to the door before and he
hits me, and i fall hard on the floor. I Start yelling i dont want to be with you anymore
this will be the last time that you hit me and i cover up for it.
Gilbet: Were Not done until i say tht we are and i say were not done.
Gilbert grabs me by my hair and pulls me to my feet. He says he is sorry and that he
doesnt mean it
he just loves me to much to let me go and that no man will love me like he does and that
nobody will want me 
beacause im pregant with his child.
Kiera: I Wont bring this child in this world if you keep hiting me, ill kill myself and
the baby if you hit me one more time.
I see the door out of the corner of my eye i grab the dish off the table and hit gilbert
in the face with it and i run screaming out of that house
I Thank the lord that my Ex-Boyfriend Vicent Was right their walking by my house and he
helps me. Gilbert at the time runs out the house blood dripping from his face. He screams
my name. I clench My jaw at the sound of his voice.
 Kiera: I Told You Im done with you and i meant it, I will raise our child but i will be a
single mother, you wont ever see your child as long a im alive.
Gilbert: The I will make sure you die, and what your going to leave me for that piece of
crap ex-boyfriend
Vincent: Gilbert I Have whooped your ass many times in my life do you really want anthoer
one because it seems like to me you got your butt whooped by your ex-girl.
                                                       
TO BE CONTINUED

25 May 2009, 11:55 PM   #2
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
thats awsome,you should totally write more! 

9 June 2009, 03:25 AM   #3
Guest Poster
Thanks I Plan To Finsish The Story soon

9 June 2009, 11:04 AM   #4
Joined: 9 Jun 2009
Posts: 7
woah... grammar :S

9 June 2009, 04:22 PM   #5
Guest Poster
Um,  it's a little confusing... Can you put it in a way that it's easier to read?
Like use quotations. For exp.)

"I'm Done. I Can't Take This Anymore Gilbert." Kiera said.
"Kiera, you're not leaving me. I'll be damned if you do" Gilbert pleaded.

Because that way, it's a tad bit better.... That way, it's easier to read....
And grammar. Fix it........?

But other than that, I love the plot x]

9 June 2009, 08:47 PM   #6
Guest Poster
Well  Im Done Writing Storys So Dont Worry About The Grammer.
And Really If You Dont Have Anything Nice To Say About The Story Then Dont Comment On It 
Your Wasting My Time And Your Own By Trying To Fix Someone Else Story And Not 
Your Own. And If You Read The Title It Was My First Start To Writting So Thats Pretty Good

9 June 2009, 10:37 PM   #7
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
good job i luv the start!!! just a suggestion: its esier 2 follow if u use better
grammer. im not being mean, but more people will like it if they can understand it. 
but GOOD JOB!
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10 June 2009, 12:07 AM   #8
Guest Poster
Thanks but if you havent realize this is based on a true story and thats how they talk 
she is an abussied kid and he is a city boy with a temper and the setting takes place in
the city

10 June 2009, 02:23 AM   #9
Guest Poster
Last edited by ‹as•it•flew•by›, 10 June 2009
I didn't say your story sucked, or anything like that. 
I just said that it'd be better if you used grammar. I mean, the plot is obviously pretty
interesting, but fine. If you can't take advice, then I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be
rude. I'm sorry, but you know, maybe I shouldn't be.
I wasn't trying to be snobby about your story.

10 June 2009, 02:41 AM   #10
Guest Poster
I Know But Your Comments Came Off Rude And Very Stuck Up So I Didnt Understand The
Content Of What You Were Trying To Stay. But I Took The Advice Into Consideration.

10 June 2009, 02:48 AM   #11
Guest Poster
Well, thank you, because like I said, it's a great story.

But assumptions like that aren't exactly going to make fans happy. It was just a
suggestion.

10 June 2009, 03:18 AM    #12
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
well i still likes it!i want you to write more!i love it
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alot er watever you write good like the other storys i read and commented!


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