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15 August 2011, 09:40 PM   #1
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
I was in love and it was great, but its gone now. I went through pain and suffering,
wondering why and what I did wrong. 
I laid there late at night wondering and seeking some kind of sign. But nothing really
Day in and out I waited wondering if she would come on and say something to me and nothing
for the most part. Just long 
days of waiting.
When she did it wasn't the same anymore. idle chic chat about things, then gone again. 
I was torn and suffering, not sure what to do. Days turn into months and then a year.
And every day I put on a smiley face and cheer up other people while in my own hell.  

I'm actually find now, was stuck in my own little hell on earth for a while. Don't use
"love" that much at all. 
Its not the sense that it doesn't bring happiness or bring bad memories. You actually have
to trust 
someone with your heart. Knowing that they will one day burn it to ashes, I just don't see
reaching that point of trust in people anymore. 

So I say I like you instead. Love is too strong of a word and involves too much trust. 
Yeah this is my confession...can I trust not with my heart, sorry.....

9 October 2011, 02:34 PM   #2
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
Why do I bother? Maybe I like punishing myself. She all nice and happy
talking to her is great but still it lack trust.

She told him the one person she didn't like or so she said. But she told him
her feelings and what was  going on in her life. It makes me feel so less important
as if I was just here to make her smile. Nothing more. 

I  wonder why am I'm with someone that wont open up and share. Its not even
a relationship. Its insanity that I punish myself over this. 
is that why i'm starting to feel nothing, lack of emotion.

25 October 2011, 12:49 AM   #3
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
Last edited by ‹Monkey boy›, 26 October 2011
I...I seriously love her. The more we spend time together the more I want her in my life.
Am I'm insane for how I feel. If so the I'll just go mad. I just hope she feels the same
way. And if not then its my fault.

25 October 2011, 09:29 PM   #4
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
Sometimes I wonder, what she really sees in me. That makes her want to be with  me? I
have my faults and surely where she is at in life. I mean she have her future a head of
her.  Life time of going places, doing things, having a good time and making new friends.
I'm kind of settled, ok maybe not too settled but settled enough where I know what I want
and hoe to get there. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something in the conversation and
she like giggling and laughing having fun knowing the punchline. I don't want to make her
feel guilty or regret that she had to stay with me. I don't want her to look back and say
"hey I could have done this or became that. But didn't because of me." 
She left once and well it was very painful, but if she ask to leave I would understand and
would let her go. Hopping that she would find happiness out there with someone that she
truly loves. 
But for now, I'm going to be selfish and want her to stay. Want her to be in my life, be
part of my life. But in all honestly still wonder.

29 October 2011, 09:06 PM   #5
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
Is it me? Seriously? Ever time I get on and she is is talking on FT, she goes quite. As
if she don't want me to know what is going on. I get gimps of this and that, and my mind
come to a conclusion. What wonder what the hell is going on at times, I worry and
speculate and don't get any answers. 

It just one big joke on me. I clearly don't learn anything and clearly fall for the same
old crap. So why am I'm even here. 
I rather crawl back into my hello hole and be happy. I'm such an emotional cripple.

1 November 2011, 12:49 AM   #6
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
I feel like being dragged back into some dark abyss, losing myself. Maybe I just want to
secretively want to suffer alone. My own personal hell. What the hell is wrong....I should
be happy, stupid memories and a pain just there under the surface. 


2 November 2011, 03:43 AM    #7
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
In order to move on I have to say

I forgive you....I forgive you of your mistakes and That I Love You...

Now I can move on loving you for the rest of my life......

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