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2 October 2010, 07:21 PM   #1
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Hopefully not to off subject, I'm writing a novel. A full out novel. And I found a
publisher! Still looking for an editor, though. I was wondering if maybe I could post the
first few chapters here, and get feedback. Please and thankyou, 

2 October 2010, 11:20 PM   #2
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
OMG. That's awesome.

I'm so happy for you!

First off this is not off topic.

Of course you can post a few chapters and I'm sure some a lot of people would give
you feedback.

3 October 2010, 06:48 PM   #3
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Thanks! I'll post it here then. First three chapters.

                                                                      Chapter One: Before
Her Revenge

       Look what she's done to me. I'm hideous. Mincing, you could say. All because of
what happened that day in the temple. The day I was made like this because of his crime.
But no. Athena sides with  the gods over one of her faithful worshipers. So I was turned
in to a gorgon, something most feared. And I was portrayed in these sick ways throughout
all the stories. But now, now it's my turn to give my story. The true story, the
depressing story, of what happened to me.
  Before this, I was beautiful. With long, sleek locks of hair cascading down my
shoulders. Nearly every guy wanted me, but I made no attempt to give in to them. I stayed
faithful to my virgin Goddess, Athena. I worshipped her with words and actions. I was a
virgin and I intended to keep it that way so I could serve my Goddess. Because if I wasn't
virgin than Athena would deny me. And I lost my virginity without wanting too. I was raped
by a God, Poseidon to be exact. I was filled with anger, such pain and anguish as he did
this. But I could not fight him, for he was God of all Gods.
    Athena was angry, livid to tell you the truth. I thought she'd be mad at Poseidon. I
was wrong, oh so terribly wrong. Instead she unleashed her wrath on me. She wouldn't have
done this usually, if he'd raped me anywhere else, but he'd raped me in her temple, not
caring as the ivory gold statue watched as he committed his act.
    Because of this, she ruined me. My once beautiful locks of hair turned to poisonous
stakes, hissing and nipping at each other. My once deep eyes turned black all the way. My
skin wrinkled and withered. And all I could do was stand helplessly in front of the mirror
as I watched what would change my life forever.
   Think that was all that she did? No. It wasn't. Anyone who looked me in the eye would
form into a concrete statue, frozen for all eternity. So, I was basically banished from
the communicating with anyone. That is, unless I can converse with stone. What was I
supposed to do for the rest of the time I should live? I considered suicide. Than again,
that would be giving Athena exactly what she wants. Which was not something I would ever
   Shall I go insane? I wonder if I will. Shall I count the days until my madness takes
over me? That, I'm sure I'll do. Right before I close my eyes and drift off, I shall etch
a line in the stone wall that surrounds me. It was the only thing I could find that's out
of the temples way and out of mortals' way. I need to make sure I don't kill them. I shall
not murder, on purpose, at least.
   I'm starting to realise that Athena may have cursed me with this specific turnout for a
reason. She new of my secret fear, and it was only she that did. I feared of being a
murderer. So she punishes me with this? This deathly gaze? What did I ever do wrong
exactly? I was the victim. I was the one who got raped. I was the victim. Wasn't I?
        I fear that if I try and remember the dreadful scene, it will come back all to
vivid. But I give in. The scene plays in my mind, over and over, like a broken machine. I
can't keep it from playing. I can't see a thing other than the same scene. His body and
mine, the disappointed eyes of my Goddess's statue, the soft calm glow shining on the
darkest nightmare of mine.
    I find myself screaming when I awake from this trance. My eyes are bleeding badly and
I gather one of my cleaner cloths to try and wipe it away. My voice is nearly gone from
the screaming and my cracked lips form into a crooked smile. I look up at the sky and
scream at the Gods, mainly Athena. I ask her why she put me through this. I ask if I'm
annoying her by screaming loudly. When I consider that I might be, I scream louder and
louder at the dark black sky. I only stop when my voice gives out and a lighting bolt
shoots down from the night sky. I smile again and whisper to myself, "I don't think I can
mark a line tonight.". I settle down under the many cloths and rest my head on the hard
ground, closing my eyes and drifting off into my mind. A twinge of sadness sparks when I
realise that when I wake I'll look the same as I do now. But I push the thought out and
let myself fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.
   I open my eyes wide when I feel warmth on my arms. I turn to see a phoenix. It's
feathers have flaming reds and vibrant oranges just chasing each other all over the
phoenix's small, flaming body. Then all of a sudden, I turn to see the small phoenix turn
sold grey. I cry out as he morphs into concrete and I can fear the tears welting in my
cursed eyes. I slowly reach out to touch the statue and I swoop it up in one reach. I hold
it close for a second, the concrete cooling my warm skin. Then I sat it down in the cave,
where the sun could hit it at noon. It'd be my little pet. My little pet phoenix.
       Has the insanity already begun? I fear it has. Well, it was only a matter of time.
I'm not fully insane yet, so I think I shall still mark tonight's line.
     Hunger pierces through my stomach, and thirst is all I feel throughout my dry mouth.
I stand up, forcing myself to stand with all the pain in my stomach. I settle my knees on
the cool cave floor and sigh as I search through my small bag. I find a few pieces of
bread and a thin slab of meat. I set it on my lap and continue to search for water. When I
can't find any I groan loudly, knowing I'll have to go to the mortals' to get some. I put
the slab of meat and the bread in my pack, along with all my drachma. I fit a long, white
cloth over my head and eyes, and tame the snakes to stay down until my order, the order I
shall never give. And with that, I'm off into the land of mortals' with a hefty fear that
there will be a few statues there when I return to my new home.

Chapter Two: Facing my Fears And Discovering The Perfect Stranger

     I'm nearly in their land. I feel odd, as I walk, because no ones looking at me
despite how I must be looking. Foreign. I hurry trough and find the closest merchant. He
has dark black hair, and he's limping. He can't see, I realise, that's why he uses his
hands to guide him. I grab hold of his hand to steady him and say,
"Do you need any help?"
  He looks startled and he feels around my arm. After a second, he nods. I lead him to the
back of his tent and we sit. 
" Water?"he asks, handing me a grey mug filled with the clear liquid. I smiled and took
it, thanking him.
       I learned a lot about him from the short time we talked. His name was Alihax, and
he'd been blind since birth, though he didn't complain. 'I think the Gods thought I'd be
trouble if I could see.'he'd joked as we talked. The thing  I truly got sad about was when
he told me they'd be taking his tent away. That he'd have no place to stay, and no money.
    "You could stay with me."I offered. But a second after the words escaped my mouth, I
regretted it. It was foolish, I thought, to have a man I'd just met stay at my home. But I
was filled with a deep want for society. For company. Anything to get me away from my
solitary cave. Anything to not be alone.
    "Not without paying, or without doing anything in return."he said.
    "When will they take your tent?" I asked him.
    "Three days time."
    "Hmmm. Will you stay with me?"
    "Yes, I will if it's all right."
    " I shall prepare my, uh, place than." I answered, nearly saying cave for place.
    "Nothing to fancy. Keep it how ever you like it." he answered with a grin. I smiled
back and left, with a jug of water that he'd insisted I take home. I tore out the meat and
bread, and took small bites of each until they were all gone, along with my hunger. I
sipped some water and arrived at the cave.
    I began to realise all of the faults in my cave. Dirty, shielded from sunlight, and
unstable. I'd have  to fix it before Alihax ever stepped foot in it. And with that in my
mind, I went to work preparing my home for Alihax's arrival. I found a mess of clay in the
back of the cave, which I had not yet explored. It was a huge amount, big  enough to build
two small homes. But I didn't have it in mind to build a new home. I was content with the
cave. But I could use it for  fixing up the cave.
    I filled in the cracks of the cave wall, forming them straight, as regular walls were.
 I made two shelves, and as soon as they'd hardened, I sat my bag of stuff on it. I began
to work on the floor. Moved all the rocks onto the second shelf, and made a floor that was
softer and cleaner than the dirty cave's floor. This was all I could do today, I realised
when I looked out the cave's opening and saw that it was already nightfall. I was soaked
with sweat, and the hunger was back, along with the thirst. I looked around before getting
in to my pack, smiling at all I had accomplished today. I drank a few large gulps of water
and took a few more bites of the bread. I was exhausted, I realised and settled down on
the ground with a cloth around me for a blanket. I closed my eyes for a moment, but could
sleep. I realised it was because I hadn't made a line on the wall. I sat up and carved on
in a small spot before laying back down and closing my eyes, drifting off into another
night's sleep.

   The bright rays from the sun hit my eyes, waking me. Groggily, I stand and dip my hands
into some of the water that Alihax sent me and wash my face. I smile, when I think of
Alihax, and how he shall be here in two days time. I'd have to figure out what he likes
and needs, so I could form it into our house. I shall go now, though I hope I don't
disturb him if he's not awake. I wonder why I haven;t quit thinking about him. Maybe he's
the key out of this curse? Maybe. He could be the source of my sanity.
      He's awake, I realise, when I enter the tent's door. 
 "Medusa?"he asks with a smile.
 "Of course, Alihax."I answer, a smile of my own forming.
 "Hungry?"he asks me, feeling around for an extra plate. I smile again and mumble yes.
 "Help yourself."he adds. I look around. Bread, honey, and boar meat. I decide on a slice
of bread with honey, and a small portion of the boar.
He passes me a glass of wine and I take it, thanking him.

  While we eat, we talk. I ask him what he wants in the house. He pauses, and answers
anything I already had in it. I ask again and he answers,' Every thing we shall need.'.I
smile and feel my face getting warmer just as he asks,"What do you look like?"
I pause for a moment, pondering what I shall tell him. I decide the truth is best. So, I
tell him everything, watching his face as he listens. He nods hear and there when I pause,
and I continue. After I'm finished, he smiles a weak smile and feels around for my arm. He
uses that to sit next to me and he gives me a hug, not caring when my snakes trace his
skin. When he leans back and says he understands and that doesn't change a thing, I'm
    He...he didn't mind that I was a beast? At that moment, I knew one thing. I loved

Chapter Three; Two New Arrivals?

      I lay down, in the middle of my cave floor, smiling. Alihax lays next to me, smiling
as well. And we just talk. He's moved in. And I can hardly believe my life had ever been
bad. Only two things worry me now that he's here. His well being, and how my bleeding
hasn't started for days. It was supposed to start, but it hasn't. I refuse to even
question that Poseidon may have impregnated me.

          I'm afraid it's true. I've been sick every morning. I'm disgusted, by this. By
knowing I'll soon be a mother. How will I take care of a child, even if Alihax helps. I
fear telling him, but I know I must. And he will understand it. He will be the optimist
for both of us, despite my pessimistic personality.
     Am I good enough for him? It seems as though he's perfect. I'm healing from what
happened. And he's my healer. Even if I am pregnant, I know we'll live through this

          I wake to a loud noise. Where would it come from, I think before opening my
eyes. I haven't slept long, so I know it's still night.
                          "Alihax?"I call wearily when I notice his figure is gone for the
space by mine.
                   "Sorry, did I wake you?"he asks innocently. I hear him stumble over and
sit in the space next to mine."Go to sleep."he whispers to me and gently pushes me back to
the laying position. I nodded and mumble,'yes' and I see his white teeth flash a smile. He
stands up and walks back around to wear we keep our food. He must be hungry, I think to
myself and close my eyes, drifting off into sleep for the second time that night.

                  I yawn and stretch when my eyes open up to the bright sunshine. A
different scent fills my nostrils. It's a mix of mint and honey. Than I can just barely
smell pepper in between. I look around and see Alihax perched over the stove, spicing up
his concoction. I observed from behind, watching how he knew which spice was which. He'd
life a handful to his nostrils, smell, and mix some in.
      I walk up behind him. He startles me by turning around and flashing a smile as he
feels around for my shoulder and I find myself stuck in a bear hug. I smile, hugging him
back. He must have sensed me coming.
                         "I made breakfast."he says motioning towards the reason I'd been
smelling so many different scents. Honey with some fresh mint in it, slabs of boar meat
with pepper spicing them. And two mugs full of mint water for better taste. I can't help
but smile and pull him into another hug.
                     "I'm getting the dishes out and washing them afterwards, than." I
say, faking a stern voice. But he can tell I'm smiling. I lead him over to a table like
structure near the beds and set him down. Than, I take the minty water over and set a
glass down in front of him, and one in front of a space for me. I go over and grab the
rest of the food, bringing to plates back as well.
"What a treat."I say with a warm smile. I see the warmth rise to his face as he leans down
and inhales a scent of each plate, taking a small serving of each. I smile, and do the
        "Something on your mind?" he asks, tilting his head to the side. It's absurd, how
he always knows my mood and my thoughts.
"A bit. My bleeding is late." I say, looking down.
"Your soon to be a mother?"he asks. But instead of the fear I thought I'd hear, I here
anticipation and joy.
"Maybe."I answer, startled at his reaction.
"It shall be a demigod, if it lives. May I play the fatherly role?"he asks sweetly. I look
up at him, smiling.
"Of course."I answer warmly.

  We spend the next few days planning. On names, bedding, outfits, everything. If it's a
boy, Zeliha, a girl, Zosmie. He had already began on making a small bed for the child out
of wood and many layers of cloth. I'd learned to spin clothing, and I'd started working on
a tiny little dress, loose for the baby. I somehow knew it was a girl, because the kicking
was much gentler than I'd expected. I'd begun to get sick much more often, vomiting nearly
everything. I had strange ideas for the meals, sometimes something sweet, mixed with
something sour, than salty. Somehow, through all of this, Alihax stood with me through it
all. Even on the days I broke down and cried, or lashed out in anger, he just calmed me
with a nice smile and comforting words.
   I didn't know how the birth would go. I didn't know if I was ready to be a mother. I
didn't know if I could ever make my child's life good enough. Would she fear me, and the
snakes above my head? Or would she love me, and never want us to separate? All I really
knew is that I was keeping my baby safe, safe from the vicious world of vengeance that was
outside of our home. I didn't want her to know about her real father. But I knew I'd have
to tell her. Sometime when she was old enough.
    Alihax seemed to be prepared, coming up with more questions for us to think about than
I ever could. Most, we answered, but others we just couldn't. Like, 'how would the birth
take place' and 'what will we tell her about the curse?'. Were still working on those. But
we were working through them for the main part. Weren't we?
    I can't help but wonder how Zosmie will turn up. Will we be able to raise her?  Or
will she live a dreadful life? I have no time to think about this at the moment though.
Because I'm going to make dinner for Alihax.

      I debate over what to make him. What does he like most? I decide on a large plate of
boar meat with a sauce of grapes, cranberries, and garlic cloves. I am forced to send him
off for more drinking water while I cook though, since his nose could easily uncover my
surprise for him. I had it ready just as he walked through the door. He stops first,
letter the cold air from outside blow in. I shiver slightly, looking over his shoulder and
out the door to see the dark blue sky. In the beautiful night atmosphere, the white moon
hung, a full one on this night. It gave off a soft glow, inviting. Maybe that's why
Artemis is so beautiful.
I'm lost in my own thoughts when a familiar voice pulls me out.
   " You didn't do anything special for me, did you, love?" he asks me cocking his head to
the side. I'm silent as he pulls me into a hug. I smile and pull out slightly, seating him
at the table. I grab a bottle of a thick wine and pour it into two mugs, our two best.
"We'll soon have to create another little mug." I say smiling. But that'd be in a few
years, since the little one could not yet drink from one. I'd have to nurse her, as me and
Alihax decided.
"We shall. Sometime soon, let's hope." he answered.The diner was marvelous, filled with
warm smiles and comforting laughs. I felt whole again, around Alihax. Madly in love. I
felt beautiful again. Would this bliss last forever?
         "Somebodies stomachs getting big." Alihax jokes, motioning towards my stomach. I
smile and hit him playfully. I began to rip out the threads on a few of my old dresses,
since they were far to small to fit my growing body. I'd been doing this all day, despite
Alihax's constant pleas for me to stop. All I did was smile and tell him I'd stop when I'd
finished. When he realised his first approach didn't work, he went on to his next plan.
Distracting me from my work. And truly, I must admit that his second way was working much
better than the first.
      "Salutations." a voice croaks from the other side of the room. I turn to find
someone nearly identical to myself. When I meet their eyes, they don't scream. Instead,
they smile and come towards me, hugging me. Their hoarse voice repeat 'sister' over and
over. Startled, I step back.
 "We are here to help you with the little one." one of the sisters croaks out, motioning
towards my stomach.
"Yes. We are here to help you with the birth." the other says. I can slightly recall
midwifes from a birth Athena had forced us to watch, explaining to us the pain they went
"How wretched! We forgot to give you our names. I'm Stheno, and that's Euryale." Stheno
says with another warm smile. I'm definitely feeling more comfortable with them helping.
"And I'm Medusa, and here is my lover, Alihax. Though he's blind, he's sharp with his
smell."I answer smiling as well. I pull out a few more chairs for the sisters and I sit
down near Alihax.
"If you don't mind my asking, how exactly were you turned?" Euryale asks. 
"I was raped." I say dryly.
"That's horrid! But how did that turn you?" Stheno asks. The fierce anger that had burned
in her eyes had simme

3 October 2010, 06:56 PM   #4
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
I'll read it in a little bit. Probably after dinner.

But I'm so sorry I forgot to give you the new code for the picture in your signature.

My bad.

But here is the code:

I moved it, so that I would find them easier.

3 October 2010, 07:13 PM   #5
Joined: 3 Oct 2010
Posts: 8
I just read the first chapter, I'll read the next two tomorrow sometime. It's really good
so far! I love the originality and the poetic tone of this story.
The only thing that bugged me, and it's slightly ridiculous but here goes, is that it's
spelled clothes instead of cloths. xD

3 October 2010, 07:15 PM   #6
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Actually, it is supposed to be cloths. Thanks though. The reason it's cloths was because
it's basically tattered pieces of material she uses when she needs, as most of the greeks
did with excess fabric.

3 October 2010, 07:18 PM   #7
Joined: 3 Oct 2010
Posts: 8
Then sorry for my correction. xD Everything was perfect.

3 October 2010, 07:19 PM   #8
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155

3 October 2010, 09:46 PM   #9
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
This is wonderful. I can't really see anything wrong with it either.

Good luck with every thing!

4 October 2010, 08:26 PM   #10
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Thankyou all so much!

4 October 2010, 10:07 PM   #11
Guest Poster
(first chapter)
So, I was basically banished from
the communicating with anyone.

I find that sentence doesn't make sense to me due to the fact that there is a the in it...

5 October 2010, 05:46 PM    #12
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Your right! Thanks for finding it. I miss the simplest things.

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