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Title: The Hockey Team


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18 January 2011, 04:02 AM   #1
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
The title will not stay. I hate the title, but I can't think of anything right now.

Okay, so this is just a little preview. I have writer's block for most of my stories right
now.

Most of the time when I have writer's block I go to a different story, but its not working
this time.

Thus being said, I decided to create a new story.

XD

This happens way too much.

Comment and enjoy!

One girl. Nine guys. One hockey team.

My life changed when my friends dragged me to go ice skating. I’ve been ice skating
before, and I actually enjoyed it. Yet, I just didn’t want to go. I was horrible at it.
My friends always tell me I’m fun to be around, but I can’t set my mind to anything.
This is true. So here I was skating around, or more like trying to keep my balance, when I
look over and this one thirty year old is watching me. Before you freak out, I do not get
kidnapped. He didn’t even talk to me, and he looked away when he noticed I was looking
at him. Since that day my life changed, by that one guy. Again, I didn’t get kidnapped
or raped. Nothing bad happened to me! Just go ahead and join in my life, I promise it’s
not too bad. It’s a typical teenage life.

19 January 2011, 12:25 AM   #2
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
I like the PLOT. I don't know much about it, but I'm sure it'll be good. but the actual
WRITING part needs a bit work. It just seemed confusing because you were skipping around
from present to past time. For example: "I’ve been ice skating before, and I actually
enjoyed it. Yet, I just didn’t want to go." It's like, wait. You enjoy ice skating, but
you don't want to go ice skating? I'm pretty sure you meant to say that at that time, she
didn't want to go.

The not kidnapped/raped parts were a little unnecessary, especially the "Nothing bad
happened to me!" Unless you want that particular character to have a voice like that,
where she adds in little jokes and her own commentary about the things she's telling you
about her life, those parts don't need to stay.




I hope you continue writing it now because I'll feel bad for ripping the preview
apart when you just wrote it & might not even go back to it. I just wanted to point
those things out, also for future reference. xD
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19 January 2011, 12:29 AM   #3
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
Confusing part: Yeah, I know it was, but I just wrote it in like ten minutes. I really
wasn't trying that hard. I just wanted to get most of the stuff down, and I didn't go back
and reread it that carefully.

Voice of character: Yes, I do want her have that sort of voice. It'll make more sense as
the story goes on.

19 January 2011, 12:52 AM   #4
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
OK, awesome! I can't wait to read it now!!
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

22 January 2011, 05:04 PM   #5
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
Okay, so my head isn't totally in this story. I haven't been able to really write
anything in a while or sleep for that matter. Yet, I did write a little bit, and I would
call this part of chapter one. I haven't really thought about the chapter yet, so bare
with me.

Comment and enjoy!

	I have no idea why I said yes to that stupid thirty year old guy. Maybe, it was
because I wanted to get out of the house. Maybe, it was because I didn’t want to hear my
parents yell at each other all day. Maybe, it was because I wanted a little excitement in
my life. Maybe, it was because my friends were all busy, so I needed to be busy. But truly
I think it’s because I had to show myself that I could do anything.
	 When I was five, I wanted to read a chapter book. I gave up on page three when I
realized there weren’t any pictures. When I was seven, I wanted to be a ballerina. I
gave up on that when I realized I was a toothpick. Don’t get me wrong, I’m skinny, but
I love my curves. When, I was ten I wanted to go into acting. I gave up on that, because I
realized I wasn’t as beautiful as other girls. And most recently I gave up on
cheerleading when I turned fourteen. That was a year ago.
	Why? Because I hated it. High school sucked and I didn’t want to spend all my time at
the school. My friends didn’t understand me at all. They just shook their heads, and
didn’t bother with me after that. Funny thing is, that’s the longest thing I have ever
done in my life. I have given up everything in my life, and now I’ve given up
cheerleading. I have done it for four years, and I hated it. I guess I stuck with it,
because that was the only thing that was the same in my life. I had to get away from it.
	Okay, so my life changed when my friends dragged me to go ice skating. I have been ice
skating before, and I suck at it. I guess, I said yes to go, because of my parents getting
in a huge argument just minutes before they invited me. So there I was paying for my
skates then skating. I was having trouble keeping my balance, but for the most part I did
pretty well. My friends were surprised that I didn’t do ice skating more. Psh, who needs
ice skating, anyways?
	Anyways, I was skating around the rink, listening to my one friend talk, when I felt eyes
on me. I looked up and looked around. There was a guy standing there watching me, closely.
I freaked out, I won’t deny it, but something told me that he wasn’t going to do
anything to me. I believed that for some odd reason. Plus, he looked away once I looked at
him.
	I shook it off and kept skating. An hour later, I was handing in my skates, and left. I
didn’t think that thirty year old guy would ever talk to me. Or in that case, ask me a
question that was really important.

26 January 2011, 01:02 AM   #6
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
So, like, I wrote this a while ago. I would still call this part of chapter one. Still
not long enough for me to call it a complete chapter.

Comment and enjoy!

	A week later, my friends decided that it was a good time to go ice skating again. They
were thinking that the same guys that they saw before were going to be there. They were
also thinking of actually talking to them. And yet, they wanted me to be there.
	“Come on Veronica Smith,” said Macy, “it will be good for you to actually talk to
the opposite sex.”
	Macy was my best friend, and she was trying to make me go ice skating again. By the way,
I do talk to the opposite sex. She just thinks that “talking” really means flirting,
and going out with them. Then I heard yelling, coming from downstairs. Must be the parents
again, at it. No surprise there. Yet, I hated it. I wanted it to go away.
	“Fine,” I said, “pick me up.”
	I heard Macy squeal on the other line of the phone and hung up. She was going to be at my
house in thirty minutes. Thirty minutes to relax, but instead I got up from my bed and
walked to my closet. I opened it, and grabbed a sweat shirt. I threw it over my head, and
then I sat back on my bed.
	Ice skating twice in the past week, is something that I normally would never do, but here
I am ready to leave. Just think if I did something that concluded ice skating every single
day, like figure skating. That would suck, plus I would always be cold. Then I heard my
cell phone go off. It was Macy telling me that she was already here. I debated weather to
go downstairs and walk out of the front door, or to jump off my roof. Since the yelling
didn’t stop I chose to jump off my roof.
	Before you get all scared, and saying that I’m sneaking out or even judging me, hear me
out first. I’ve done this plenty of times, and my roof is low enough to the ground.
Plus, if I chose I could always go to the tree, which is what I did most of the time.
Also, I won’t be sneaking out; I’ll just be avoiding my parents. They wouldn’t even
notice anyways, if I walked out the front door. So really I’m just saving my eardrums
from all the screaming.
	I opened my window, and got on the roof. I walked down to the edge, and grabbed on the
tree branch above me. Then I stepped on the tree branch that was level with the roof. You
would think that my parents would have given in a different room, but they don’t pay
attention to me at all. Finally, I climbed the tree downward. I guess its not really
climbing the tree, because that would be going upward. Oh, well, whatever.
	I hit the ground with a little thud, but that was what always happened. I walked over to
Macy’s car, and opened the door. I immediately heard the song Dynamite by Taio Cruz. I
smiled. I have always liked that song. I sat down and Macy drove away from my house and
toward the ice skating rink.

3 February 2011, 03:29 AM    #7
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
Status:

Eh, I think this is another dead story.

Oh, well.

XD

In the mean time I have been editing The Way The Cookie Crumbles.

I have no clue what that story has on me.

Maybe, its because its the best story that I have ever written.

I have no clue.

Okay, so I promise you that I will update this story later.

When I get a feel for this again, which might be in a month.

Or longer.

But I can assure you that I am going to come back to this story.

I always do.

I go through all of my stories when I get a writer's block.

Most of the time I reread all of them, and then I try to add at least a paragraph.

When it doesn't work, that's when I start a new story.

So just bare with me!


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