Bad Girls Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 
 


 

Bad Girls


* guest posting enabled *

16 February 2010, 11:53 PM   #1
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
My name is Rebecca but most people in this school just call me Red because of my long red
hair, but I don't mind I am a bitch when people say i'm one I tell them I already know.I
am in class right now listening to my teacher Ms.Saltry teach math she hates her job she
is always sighing and looking sad after teaching the class.

Another thing she wishes she had a hot boyfriend I can tell because she is always looking
at boy magazines and talking usually to other single teachers about how she wishes she had
a hot guy to take care of her.The honest truth is, she is too ugly to have any man taking
care of her and loving her let alone a hot guy.

The school bell is now ringing loudly letting all the kids know they can leave boring math
class, I will now go hang out with the high school girls known as the bad girls I am 16
years old in my second year of high school I hang out with a group of girls who cause
trouble and are bitches like me they are just my, sort of people.I am walking from my desk
and out into the hall way now to see what me and the bad girls will be doing today I think
we are going to go bother the emo kids because one of them got me pissed an emo kid
started cutting herself, and the blood got on me I was so pissed the bad girls held me
back from beating the crap out of her and told me we could gang up on her some other
time.

I walked through the hall way and saw the group I hang out with I walked up to them and
simply stood it wasn't that I was not all that involved with them it was just that it was
a while before any one of them said something to me.They were chatting about random things
that didn't interest me all that much at the moment than one of them began to speak to me,
her name was Jessica.

''Hello, Red lets go teach that emo girl along with the other emo kids a lesson we will
teach them to mess with one of us and think they can just get away with it!'' exclaimed
Jessica.''Okay lets go now I want to get them back right now'' I said calmly even though I
could barely wait.

Me and the other girls began walking down the hall way we had a few minutes to take care
of the emo kids before english class which was in 6 minutes me and the other girls tend to
get certain things done very fast.We walked, outside of the school building and out into
the far side of the school where the emo kids were usually just sitting quitely, and
writing dark poetry some on rare occasions could be found kissing each other rather or not
they were the same sex

Finally we are now standing infront of the emo kids they are now turning their heads
looking at us in a bit of confusion I knew what to do and I could see the girl who got
blood on me, I was ready to mess her up.We all began to collide into the group of emo kids
attacking them with our nails, and fist they were fighting back alittle but they were no
match for touch bitches like us.

I am scratching up the emo girl who got blood on me I am mostly scratching her face
finally I finish her off by punching her in the face I actually manage to knock her
unconcious but that was what she deserved.I thought, that she was aware of why we were
doing this but either way I was glad I got my revenge.

17 February 2010, 12:16 AM   #2
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
I will finish reading this part later, but I would like to tell you that you have run on
sentences, and make it pretty hard to read.

Your way:
The school bell is now ringing loudly letting all the kids know they can leave boring math class, I will now go hang out with the high school girls known as the bad girls I am 16 years old in my second year of high school I hang out with a group of girls who cause trouble and are bitches like me they are just my, sort of people.
The right way: The school bell is now ringing loudly letting all the kids know they can leave boring math class. I will now go hang out with the high school girls known as the bad girls. I am 16 years old in my second year of high school, and I hang out with a group of girls who cause trouble and are bitches like me. They are just my - sort of people.

17 February 2010, 12:43 AM   #3
Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Posts: 88
 Interesting, but there are so many grammar errors, and the character is a bit of
a Mary-Sue.

21 February 2010, 01:51 AM    #4
Guest Poster
I agree with the above comment 100%.

The storyline is a bit cliche. The punctuation is a bit off too. You forgot a lot of
commas, periods and so on. There is a problem with the tenses.
The school bell is now ringing loudly letting all the kids know they can leave boring math class, I will now go hang out with the high school girls known as the bad girls I am 16 years old in my second year of high school I hang out with a group of girls who cause trouble and are bitches like me they are just my, sort of people.I am walking from my desk and out into the hall way now to see what me and the bad girls will be doing today I think we are going to go bother the emo kids because one of them got me pissed an emo kid started cutting herself, and the blood got on me I was so pissed the bad girls held me back from beating the crap out of her and told me we could gang up on her some other time. I walked through the hall way and saw the group I hang out with I walked up to them and simply stood it wasn't that I was not all that involved with them it was just that it was a while before any one of them said something to me.They were chatting about random things that didn't interest me all that much at the moment than one of them began to speak to me, her name was Jessica.



No Privileges
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
All times are GMT. The time now is 09:52 AM.


About Kupika    Contact    FAQs    Terms of Service    Privacy Policy    Online Safety
Copyright © 2005-2012