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[CRIT] Imagination


4 July 2011, 01:49 AM   #1
Joined: 14 Jun 2011
Posts: 54
Lit
up
By
stars
It
shines
So
bright
Filled
with
Things
That
Sparkle
at
night
Nobody
Could
ever
know
The 
Wondrous
things
it 
puts
on
Show
Filling
me
with
Fascination
Surrounded
By
diamonds
is
My
imagination.
  

7 July 2011, 08:09 PM   #2
Guest Poster
I think your poem was adorable. Something i'd like to see in a children's book- not exactly dr.sues-ish but i definatly see it as a good introduction to a fantasy story. The only thing i'd say as a con would be i didn't care for the one word per line- seemed to make it not flow as well as it could.

8 July 2011, 01:26 AM   #3
Joined: 14 Jun 2011
Posts: 54
Thank you! And really, the one line thing is just for show. You don't have to read it
differently, it should still flow together when you read. So instead of "Lit.up. by.
stars." you should still read it like 'Lit up by stars". Although, I never really thought
about that before....
  

8 July 2011, 02:00 AM   #4
Guest Poster
No proub, i'm glad i could help! I know i can read it like that- but it just comes off choppy looking because theres only one word per line. Its- unappealing i guess. lol (atleast to me) xD

8 July 2011, 02:47 AM   #5
Joined: 14 Jun 2011
Posts: 54
Hahaha, well, thank you for pointing it out! I probably wouldn't have noticed it
otherwise.
  

8 July 2011, 03:11 AM   #6
Guest Poster
My pleasure Epoch. I can't wait to read more actually. Its sad- because i still haven't posted anywork of my own yet.. -sigh- I should work on that lol then you can be the first to critique.. xD

8 July 2011, 03:20 AM   #7
Guest Poster
I really love this! It's short and simple, but the words seem to flow and it creates a small story in your head. While I don't like the one word per line theme, it's still very cute which makes up for it. (:

8 July 2011, 03:54 AM    #8
Council
Joined: 12 Jun 2011
Posts: 53
I really like this! I love it when people use different ways to write a poem, and play
around with the structure.



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