[CRIT] Blue Cat {{AMUTO Lime}} Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 


[CRIT] Blue Cat {{AMUTO Lime}}

4 July 2011, 03:47 AM   #1
Guest Poster
"I - I - Ikuto?!" The young man pinned the even younger woman gently to the wall
keeping quiet, watching her expressions change.
"Let m - me go now!" Cheeks turned rosy, golden eyes affixed on Ikuto's deep, azul
eyes. Amu attempted to squirm out of his grip but gave up 
"Why are you doing this? This is weird Ikuto . . ." For a second his eyes widened
and guilt filled his body, he knew this was weird, she was 5 years younger than he. Calm
took his face again and his grip tightened around her wrists 
"Don't you think I know this My Dear Amu?" The boy licked her cheek, smirking, he
could feel the warmth from her blush. 
"I've taken quite the liking to you, Amu" His voice deep and hushed but smooth. Amu
turned to look at him, she no longer resisted and temptation took over.
"Ikuto, please . . . will you please . . ." Smiling, he loosened his grip letting
her arms fall to her side. The catboy then placed his hands on her small face, leaned in
slowly and gifted her a small peck on the lips. Ikuto pulled away and laughed at her lost
and confused gaze. 
"What . . . WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Amu angrily eyed him 
"You're suck a frickin' tease!" He stopped laughing, taken back by her comment. 
"Oh? You actually wanted me to kiss you full on?" Amu froze in place, her face
turning 3 different shades of red. Ikuto burst with laughter.
"Your such a fucking asshole Ikuto!" Amu went and sat on her bed faced away from
Ikuto. Noticing that he may of actually hurt her feelings, he walked to her and sat down
on the bed with his back to hers. 
"You know Amu, I was not lying when I told you how I felt." Her eyes glistened with
tears, she turned to him placing her head on his back.
"Then don't tease me! I'm almost an adult now! Treat me like one!" Ikuto quickly
turned around embracing Amu, he stroked her soft, pink hair. She glanced up at him, he
knew what she wanted. He leaned in, giving her a small peck again, but then deepened it.
His kisses were warm and passionate, while hers were sweet and innocent. They broke apart
for a second to take a breath, the young woman smiled to herself.
 "I - Ikuto, I love you!" 
His face lit up, a blush covered his face. He tightly embraced her.
"I love you too, Amu"
Tears ran down her cheeks, she grasped the back of his shirt. He let go of her wiping the
tear from her face and she smiled again. 
"Kiss me again, Ikuto!" He smirked, dirty thoughts ran through his mind. He slowly
laid her down on the bed, kissing her chin to the corners of her mouth. He then placed his
lips onto hers, not taking breaths until Amu gasped for air. Ikuto took full advantage of
this and kissed her, letting his tongue glide against the roof of her mouth. Amu shivered
at the splendid feeling, letting her tongue play along. She ran her fingers through his
thick, blue hair, he knew she was enjoying every bit of this. Truth was he was becoming
very turned on by the whole situation as well. How far would they go though? 
This went on for a good half and hour, Amu then started unbuttoning her top, reviling a
pink and black stripped bra with lace trim. Ikuto threw himself off of her, starring at
the top half of her body. She had become quite developed through the years he had known
"Ikuto, whats wrong?" His face had become a little sweaty and obnoxiously red. 
"Button your shirt back now!" Amu flinched at his comment. She started to sniffle,
her eyes became glassy but she attempted to button her shirt back. She failed miserably as
her tears erupted from her golden orbed eyes. 
"I'm sor - sorry -!" She cried loudly.
"Don't you like - like this though . . .?" She mumbled through her tears. Ikuto felt
horrible after realizing what he had done. He leaned on his knees in front of her, he
tried not to glance down at her bra which was still not covered. He held her in his arms
for a second until she calmed down.
"Lovely Amu, as much as I would like to make love to you right now, neither of us are
ready . . ." Amu nodded.
"I'm sorry . . . " Ikuto laughed quietly and kissed Amu's forehead.
"Don't worry though, maybe one day I will make you fully mine." <3
They both blushed and laughed together. 
Ikuto kissed her goodnight and fled out the window. Amu fell asleep with a smile on her
face that night.

6 July 2011, 03:11 PM   #2
Guest Poster
You already know how I feel about this story, but maybe change a few things.

Such as the first sentence, as an example:
"I - I - Ikuto?!" The young man pinned the even younger woman gently to the wall keeping quiet, watching her expressions change.
I had to read it over a few times to understand. You should maybe try something more simple, such as: "I - I - Ikuto?!" The young man quietly pinned the even younger woman gently to the wall, watching her expression change. Just a thought. I love the story, of course, but there are a few things you could change to make it more understandable.

6 July 2011, 03:43 PM   #3
Guest Poster

6 July 2011, 05:09 PM   #4
Guest Poster
Well, alright.
Take this, as another example:
His face lit up, a blush covered his face. He tightly embraced her.
I suggest changing it to something along the lines of: His face lit up with a blush, and he tightly embraced her. Something along the lines of that. It makes it easier to read, and a complex sentence is always better than a simple one!

6 July 2011, 05:39 PM   #5
Guest Poster
What about:

His face lit up with a blush as he tightly embraced her.

6 July 2011, 05:45 PM   #6
Guest Poster
Exactly 8D /shot
I'd give better advice
If I weren't so tired
Because I can't think of anything for your story :c

7 July 2011, 01:40 AM    #7
Guest Poster
No, your crit is wonderful!
I would've never thought to change those types of things if you hadn't of mentioned it!
Thank you, Love ~ <3

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