WRITING: Essay: Instructional: Cybersex 101 Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 


WRITING: Essay: Instructional: Cybersex 101

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12 May 2009, 03:16 PM   #1
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Posts: 212
For an explanation of the 101 Series see my KupiPage: The 101 Series! (remember this is supposed to be "college level" courses so yes "big words" are sometimes used.) Course Description: This discourse is on the topic of Cybersex often called "cybering" or simply "cyber." (These terms will be used interchangeably throughout this discussion.) This discourse attempts to discuss the topic objectively and it is neither a condemnation nor an endorsement of cybersex activity. This topic may be unsuitable for children (ages 12 and under). Parents monitoring their child's and teen's online activities may wish to discuss their own personal views and family values on the topic. What is Cybersex? This is a common question. The simplest definition is that cybering is an attempt to have sexually stimulating communication using a computer. The most common mode is the use of the computer to talk to someone over the WWWeb/Net via chat, messages, or sometimes letters and email. However, broadly speaking, the use of any computer peripheral devices like webcams (often called "camming") and microphones, and even the use of cellular phone texting abilities would also fall under the umbrella of cybersex. One could thus say that any type of communication whether merely textual, visual or audial, which occurs between remote persons by using any form of computer-mediated-communiction could be considered cybersex (when that is what is intended of course). (Note: even though phone-networks use computers to make their connections phone-sex is typically considered a different activity.) See below on this page for the different kinds of Cybersex. Why do people do it? There are several reasons why people might engage in cybering: -Entertainment. Some cyber purely for amusement, usually because they are bored or have nothing better to do. Others find it entertaining in the sense that they find it interesting or thrilling. -Sexual Expression/Gratification. In some cases, it is very possible to receive sexual gratification from cybering and persons who do obtain such view cybersex as merely an alternative form of normal sexual activiity and expression. This may be expecially the case when the cybering occurs between persons who are in a relationship or in love. -Role Play and Experimentation. The unique properties of communicating using the computer make it possible for persons to experiment with role-play and exploration of sexual identity. A boy can be a girl, a girl can be a guy, younger can be older and older younger, and straight-gay-bisexual may all be personas that can be assumed in the context of cybersex. -Situational Circumstances. In many cases, the persons who engage in cybering may not have alternatives such as actual (non-cyber) sexual activity - usually cause they are too young!! or otherwise restricted, and in some cases they may suffer from physical disabilities or conditions which prevent them from having regular (non-cyber) sexual relations or opportunities. Additionally, in some instances the persons who are romantically interested in each other may live great distances from each other and thus cybersex is a convenient expression of their romantic relationship. Included under "circumstances" is the fact that cybering is one of the earliest forms of sexual expression that a young person may engage in, often before they have freedom to use the telephone and of course to meet anyone or engage in sexual activity in person with someone. -Safety. Well, it can't be denied that when kept completely anonymous and as long as such communication doesn't lead to potentially dangerous decisions like meeting a stranger in person, cybersex is probably the "safest sex" that one can engage in. -Expectation. In some cases, especially in the context of so-called "online boyfriends-girlfriends" (or same-sex couples), there may be an expectation that cybersex is part of the "benefit" of such a situation. In this regard, there may be some that may not be particularly willing or interested in having cybersex but do so to please their boyfriend/girlfriend. -Awakening of Sexuality. Perhaps the most significant reason that persons engage in cybersex is because human beings are sexual creatures. Sex is part of who we are and we begin at an early age exploring our sexuality and awakening to the sexual dimension of life. There is nothing unnatural about this in itself. For this reason, cybersex can be viewed objectively as a mode of communication that accomplishes that purpose. Is Cybering Bad? Asking whether something is bad is asking a question which calls for a moral examination. That raises issues of what basis should be used for such an examination? And that in turn opens up a can of worms regarding which authority is the most valid, how do we consider specific cultural values, and ultimately how do we factor in the individual conscience and viewpoint? Therefore, rather than get into the morality of it, especially since I am no one's arbiter of morality, it seems better to discuss it in terms of "benefits" or "advantages" in contrast to "detriments" and "disadvantages" of cybersex. We will call the first simply the "Positives" of cybersex and the latter the "Negatives" of cybersex. (These are speculative...) Some of the Positives of Cybersex are: -Convenience and ease -Entertainment, fun -Sexual gratification -Safety, anonynmity -Allows freedom in sexual exploration including exploring one's sexual identity Some of the Negatives of Cybersex? [need to identify some negatives here....might need audience input here..cause i'm not thinking of too many] -Desensitizes towards genuine expressions of affection? (not sure there is any basis to believe this is true and maybe it is genuine in some cases) -Addictive? (not sure if there is any basis to believe that it is addictive) -Over-emphasizes sex and focuses too much attention on it. It seems possible that cybering sends the message that sexual relations and expression are the most important form of communication between two persons (in-love) when that is almost surely not the case. -Girls at risk of being treated as "sex-objects" and reinforces male-domination. In boy-girl cybering, it is possible that the communication or cybering will focus on the needs of the male to the exclusion of the female, and also over-emphasize the physical aspects of the relationship. Girls too may be come to be viewed one-dimensionally so that instead of sex and sexuality being only a tiny but important part of a person, it comes to be viewed as the most important characteristic of the girl. -It may be Illegal. In some situations, simply communicating highly sexual content from an adult (over 18 ) to a minor can be illegal - even if there is no attempt to meet in person or transmission of any obscene pics or other things such as that. However, the laws on this are so varied and also sometimes vague on what constitutes illegal activity, that it's impossible to cover every situation. There aren't too many adults on Kupika at the time being but there may be in the future. -? What are the kinds of Cybersex? There are basically three broad forms of cybering. Of course these aren't rigid forms and any of these "kinds" might be used or encountered in combination. Just for sake of labeling I am going to give them "Levels" because in a way they become increasingly sophisticated. Level 1: Basic Role-Playing This type of cybering is the really the most basic. It probably arose out of classic role-playing game-talk like Dungeons & Dragons and equivalent to what happens in normal chat when someone describes action. This kind of cybering seems to occur more in chat then over messages/letters/email exchanging. Example: Person 1: *takes your hand* Person 2: *begins kissing your neck* etc... Level 2: Descriptive Communication This type of cybering resembles erotic fiction and involves more description and fantasy elements. Example: nope, i won't give one, cause i guess its not necessary and some of the younger peeps may be reading this lol Level 3: Descriptive Communication with Interaction The third type of cybersex involves either one or the other previous types or a combo of the two but also includes much more direct interaction. In this form, one person might direct the other to do something such as to masturbate, to caress their breasts, etc. during the cybering session. Use of peripheral communications like camming and audio communication would also fall into this third kind of cybering. Again, no example to be provide sorry :-P Who Cybers, isn't it just losers? It would seem that there are losers who enjoy cybering and who engage in it a lot. But it is almost certaintly not accurate to assume that all who cyber are losers. Nor is it likely true that a person who cybers does not enjoy an active sex-life. Though of course many younger persons cyber BECAUSE they don't yet have an active sex-life or are only beginning to explore their sexuality and cybering is an early form of that exploration and experimentation. But neither of those things make them "losers." It would appear then that many persons do cyber or try it at some point, and anecdotal data suggests that the number of persons who do is far higher than one might expect. How can I get better at Cyberin? Some believe that it is not possible to "teach" how to cyber or to get better at it. Others, believe that it is possible. In my experience, a person who is gifted with language or well-spoken/writes well, is imaginative and of course, who has some sexual experience, can do an excellent job at cybering. Of course if one doesn't have any actual sexual experience, their cybering skills will most likely be limited, but that's not always the case. It just depends on the individual. Should I try it or should I be doing it? Your communication is a personal decision. No one who is not your parent or othewise involved in your affairs should criticize you, however, it is important to keep in mind that Kupika is a website for penpals and making friends. It isn't a site that is dedicated to dating or engaging in cybering. If you decide to ask others to try cybering with you or to cyber with you, it's polite to be discreet about it in "public areas" such as Fleeting Thoughts. (See Chatting 101 for more info on basic chat etiquette and behavior.) What this issue comes down to is a personal evaluation of why one might want to engage in cybersex, and asking the questions: what it is they are getting out of such activity, and to consider whether what they are doing is in any way harmful to themselves or to others? Are there Alternatives? Absolutely. One can derive plenty of emotional satisfaction and even intimacy just by communicating normally with others and really opening up one's feelings and fears, sharing one's thoughts, hopes, desires and dreams. Also, one can "flirt" quite passionately without crossing over into the areas of cybersex described above. Conclusion: Cybersex is almost surely not something that very young persons should be engaging in and fortunately it doesn't appear that many children are cybering. Teens of course are naturally beginning to unravel their own sexuality so it can be expected that some would seek to engage in cybersex, and depending on the specific circumstances involved, such activity is probably harmless and may even be beneficial to their further development towards adulthood. (i anticipate updating this page..as i feel like i am leaving a lot out of this discourse but at the moment i can't think of what its missing. again if you feel like there is a question that should be asked or a part of this topic that needs further elaboration, just post your comment below)
Did You Enjoy this Discourse? Was there Anything Left Out? Feel Free to Discuss this Discourse by Commenting Below

12 May 2009, 04:39 PM   #2
Joined: 21 Mar 2009
Posts: 22
Level One is for Losers . c(:
x Each night I wish upon a star I'll run and run , oh so far . To get away from this normal place To hide the pain of your taken face . x </3

12 May 2009, 05:25 PM   #3
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Posts: 212
lol i agree..

i might go ahead and write a little instructional for people after all idk

12 May 2009, 11:38 PM   #4
Guest Poster
Very educational way to present it, but I definitely agree. I hate it when people are
just like "ewww, cybering is gross!" 

Btw, hilarious video

14 May 2009, 04:23 PM    #5
Guest Poster
well i thought it was REALLY bad but now that i know more about it i think that  i might
try it  sometime when i get older

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