For an explanation of the 101 Series see my KupiPage: The 101 Series! (remember this is
supposed to be "college level" courses so yes "big words" are sometimes used.)
This discourse is on the topic of Cybersex often called "cybering" or simply "cyber."
(These terms will be used interchangeably throughout this discussion.) This discourse
attempts to discuss the topic objectively and it is neither a condemnation nor an
endorsement of cybersex activity. This topic may be unsuitable for children (ages 12 and
under). Parents monitoring their child's and teen's online activities may wish to discuss
their own personal views and family values on the topic.
What is Cybersex?
This is a common question. The simplest definition is that cybering is an attempt to have
sexually stimulating communication using a computer.
The most common mode is the use of the computer to talk to someone over the WWWeb/Net via
chat, messages, or sometimes letters and email. However, broadly speaking, the use of any
computer peripheral devices like webcams (often called "camming") and microphones, and
even the use of cellular phone texting abilities would also fall under the umbrella of
cybersex. One could thus say that any type of communication whether merely textual, visual
or audial, which occurs between remote persons by using any form of
computer-mediated-communiction could be considered cybersex (when that is what is intended
of course). (Note: even though phone-networks use computers to make their connections
phone-sex is typically considered a different activity.)
See below on this page for the different kinds of Cybersex.
Why do people do it?
There are several reasons why people might engage in cybering:
-Entertainment. Some cyber purely for amusement, usually because they are bored or have
nothing better to do. Others find it entertaining in the sense that they find it
interesting or thrilling.
-Sexual Expression/Gratification. In some cases, it is very possible to receive sexual
gratification from cybering and persons who do obtain such view cybersex as merely an
alternative form of normal sexual activiity and expression. This may be expecially the
case when the cybering occurs between persons who are in a relationship or in love.
-Role Play and Experimentation. The unique properties of communicating using the computer
make it possible for persons to experiment with role-play and exploration of sexual
identity. A boy can be a girl, a girl can be a guy, younger can be older and older
younger, and straight-gay-bisexual may all be personas that can be assumed in the context
-Situational Circumstances. In many cases, the persons who engage in cybering may not have
alternatives such as actual (non-cyber) sexual activity - usually cause they are too
young!! or otherwise restricted, and in some cases they may suffer from physical
disabilities or conditions which prevent them from having regular (non-cyber) sexual
relations or opportunities. Additionally, in some instances the persons who are
romantically interested in each other may live great distances from each other and thus
cybersex is a convenient expression of their romantic relationship.
Included under "circumstances" is the fact that cybering is one of the earliest forms of
sexual expression that a young person may engage in, often before they have freedom to use
the telephone and of course to meet anyone or engage in sexual activity in person with
-Safety. Well, it can't be denied that when kept completely anonymous and as long as such
communication doesn't lead to potentially dangerous decisions like meeting a stranger in
person, cybersex is probably the "safest sex" that one can engage in.
-Expectation. In some cases, especially in the context of so-called "online
boyfriends-girlfriends" (or same-sex couples), there may be an expectation that cybersex
is part of the "benefit" of such a situation. In this regard, there may be some that may
not be particularly willing or interested in having cybersex but do so to please their
-Awakening of Sexuality. Perhaps the most significant reason that persons engage in
cybersex is because human beings are sexual creatures. Sex is part of who we are and we
begin at an early age exploring our sexuality and awakening to the sexual dimension of
life. There is nothing unnatural about this in itself. For this reason, cybersex can be
viewed objectively as a mode of communication that accomplishes that purpose.
Is Cybering Bad?
Asking whether something is bad is asking a question which calls for a moral examination.
That raises issues of what basis should be used for such an examination? And that in turn
opens up a can of worms regarding which authority is the most valid, how do we consider
specific cultural values, and ultimately how do we factor in the individual conscience and
Therefore, rather than get into the morality of it, especially since I am no one's arbiter
of morality, it seems better to discuss it in terms of "benefits" or "advantages" in
contrast to "detriments" and "disadvantages" of cybersex. We will call the first simply
the "Positives" of cybersex and the latter the "Negatives" of cybersex.
(These are speculative...)
Some of the Positives of Cybersex are:
-Convenience and ease
-Allows freedom in sexual exploration including exploring one's sexual identity
Some of the Negatives of Cybersex?
[need to identify some negatives here....might need audience input here..cause i'm not
thinking of too many]
-Desensitizes towards genuine expressions of affection? (not sure there is any basis to
believe this is true and maybe it is genuine in some cases)
-Addictive? (not sure if there is any basis to believe that it is addictive)
-Over-emphasizes sex and focuses too much attention on it. It seems possible that cybering
sends the message that sexual relations and expression are the most important form of
communication between two persons (in-love) when that is almost surely not the case.
-Girls at risk of being treated as "sex-objects" and reinforces male-domination. In
boy-girl cybering, it is possible that the communication or cybering will focus on the
needs of the male to the exclusion of the female, and also over-emphasize the physical
aspects of the relationship. Girls too may be come to be viewed one-dimensionally so that
instead of sex and sexuality being only a tiny but important part of a person, it comes to
be viewed as the most important characteristic of the girl.
-It may be Illegal. In some situations, simply communicating highly sexual content from an
adult (over 18 ) to a minor can be illegal - even if there is no attempt to meet in person
or transmission of any obscene pics or other things such as that. However, the laws on
this are so varied and also sometimes vague on what constitutes illegal activity, that
it's impossible to cover every situation. There aren't too many adults on Kupika at the
time being but there may be in the future.
What are the kinds of Cybersex?
There are basically three broad forms of cybering. Of course these aren't rigid forms and
any of these "kinds" might be used or encountered in combination. Just for sake of
labeling I am going to give them "Levels" because in a way they become increasingly
Level 1: Basic Role-Playing
This type of cybering is the really the most basic. It probably arose out of classic
role-playing game-talk like Dungeons & Dragons and equivalent to what happens in normal
chat when someone describes action. This kind of cybering seems to occur more in chat then
over messages/letters/email exchanging.
Person 1: *takes your hand*
Person 2: *begins kissing your neck*
Level 2: Descriptive Communication
This type of cybering resembles erotic fiction and involves more description and fantasy
Example: nope, i won't give one, cause i guess its not necessary and some of the younger
peeps may be reading this lol
Level 3: Descriptive Communication with Interaction
The third type of cybersex involves either one or the other previous types or a combo of
the two but also includes much more direct interaction. In this form, one person might
direct the other to do something such as to masturbate, to caress their breasts, etc.
during the cybering session. Use of peripheral communications like camming and audio
communication would also fall into this third kind of cybering.
Again, no example to be provide sorry :-P
Who Cybers, isn't it just losers?
It would seem that there are losers who enjoy cybering and who engage in it a lot. But it
is almost certaintly not accurate to assume that all who cyber are losers. Nor is it
likely true that a person who cybers does not enjoy an active sex-life. Though of course
many younger persons cyber BECAUSE they don't yet have an active sex-life or are only
beginning to explore their sexuality and cybering is an early form of that exploration and
experimentation. But neither of those things make them "losers."
It would appear then that many persons do cyber or try it at some point, and anecdotal
data suggests that the number of persons who do is far higher than one might expect.
How can I get better at Cyberin?
Some believe that it is not possible to "teach" how to cyber or to get better at it.
Others, believe that it is possible. In my experience, a person who is gifted with
language or well-spoken/writes well, is imaginative and of course, who has some sexual
experience, can do an excellent job at cybering.
Of course if one doesn't have any actual sexual experience, their cybering skills will
most likely be limited, but that's not always the case. It just depends on the
Should I try it or should I be doing it?
Your communication is a personal decision. No one who is not your parent or othewise
involved in your affairs should criticize you, however, it is important to keep in mind
that Kupika is a website for penpals and making friends. It isn't a site that is dedicated
to dating or engaging in cybering. If you decide to ask others to try cybering with you or
to cyber with you, it's polite to be discreet about it in "public areas" such as Fleeting
Thoughts. (See Chatting 101 for more info on basic chat etiquette and behavior.)
What this issue comes down to is a personal evaluation of why one might want to engage in
cybersex, and asking the questions: what it is they are getting out of such activity, and
to consider whether what they are doing is in any way harmful to themselves or to others?
Are there Alternatives?
Absolutely. One can derive plenty of emotional satisfaction and even intimacy just by
communicating normally with others and really opening up one's feelings and fears, sharing
one's thoughts, hopes, desires and dreams.
Also, one can "flirt" quite passionately without crossing over into the areas of cybersex
Cybersex is almost surely not something that very young persons should be engaging in and
fortunately it doesn't appear that many children are cybering. Teens of course are
naturally beginning to unravel their own sexuality so it can be expected that some would
seek to engage in cybersex, and depending on the specific circumstances involved, such
activity is probably harmless and may even be beneficial to their further development
(i anticipate updating this page..as i feel like i am leaving a lot out of this discourse
but at the moment i can't think of what its missing. again if you feel like there is a
question that should be asked or a part of this topic that needs further elaboration, just
post your comment below)
Did You Enjoy this Discourse?
Was there Anything Left Out?
Feel Free to Discuss this Discourse by Commenting Below
Level One is for Losers .
x Each night I wish upon a star
I'll run and run , oh so far .
To get away from this normal place
To hide the pain of your taken face . x
lol i agree..
i might go ahead and write a little instructional for people after all idk
Very educational way to present it, but I definitely agree. I hate it when people are
just like "ewww, cybering is gross!"
Btw, hilarious video
well i thought it was REALLY bad but now that i know more about it i think that i might
try it sometime when i get older