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Through the Looking Glass

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25 December 2009, 06:00 PM   #1
Guest Poster
This is the third re-write I'm doing of this story, and I desperately need opinions.
Tell me what you like and what I can improve on.
Thank You
? Ali
Through the Looking Glass

Chapter One- A Desperate Dream

It was the week of the Jones High Prom and as usual every Junior 
had a date...except me as if I wasn't used to it. I had originally 
decided not to go, I couldn't understand why girls dreamt about 
these days as the "Best Days of Thier Lives" of course there were 
alot of empty spaces...I was in the corner of the school
 gym wearing a tuxedo and drinking punch just watching all the 
couples dance surrounded by balloons to a slow, romantic song and I 
was pondering why I had even come in the first place...
	Something strange happened right then, a girl in a floor 
length red dress walks up to me and asks me to dance. I took her 
hand and she led me across the dance floor she ever-so gracefully 
placed her hand on my shoulder and I slowly and questionably 
took her hand, she must have been a size six. As I attempted to look 
in her eyes I realized I couldn't see her face...she was nothing but a 
blur and yet the dream continued. 
And I continued to watch in astonishment. 
	She pulled herself in closer and stroked my hair...
"I love you..." she said "and I always will love you..." 
"I love you too..." I replied "but there is somthing about you I must 
"I ask of you only a name..."
There was a moment of silence.
" name is..." 
Suddenly a blaring noise filled my eardrums I opened my eyes 
and directed my focus towards the alarm clock on the bedside table.
It was 6:20 on a Wednesday morning the alarm clock was blaring 
twenty minutes past que.
My name is Trent Tucker and I have fallen in love...with the girl 
of my dreams...literally.
	I am 16 years of age and a junior in High School starting
today. I'm just like any other teenager, vague and yet so very vivid I 
have always considered myself an outcast although I have always 
fit in very well. There was something about me that I couldn't quite 
put my finger on, I seemed to have it all; the popularity, the friends,
even the grades...everything but a girlfriend. I could've had any girl
at my Jones High School but they were all the same at Jones High 
those girls Narcissistic and shallow. They were always after the 
same things in life (or should I say school) to be popular to date a 
popular and to fit in with the popular crowd. 
	All the girls wanted was to date a popular boy in high
school. Of course I just had to be considered one of them...just my 
luck I suppose, I'm not like everyone else...I don't want to be 
popular...all I ever ask for in life is to be able to be myself and to be
accepted as I am for what I am for who I am, for being Trent not as 
the guy in a mask. But life is ironic like that, you almost never get 
what you want. All I ever wanted was to love and to be loved, I'm 
in love with the idea of being in love...and I'm in love with the girl 
in my dreams.
	I had perfect grades and a part-time job, considering 
everything the girls want and what I desire, girls didn't really 
matter to me much less did I have time for them...
"Trent! Wake up!!! It's time for breakfast!"
I angrily slammed the alarm.
"I'll be down in a minute Mom!!!"
Frustrated, I laid back down in the bed 
and tossed and turned desperately trying to fall asleep again to hear 
the name of the wonderful woman I had dreamt of.
I gave up, it was no use.
I stumbled out of bed and slumped to the bathroom to take a shower
Wrapped in a towel, I walked to my down the hall to my room.
I headed over to the mirror, put on a clean shirt and jeans and stared 
into the mirror. My brown hair and thin structure made me look 
unappealing...but that's my opinion, anybody else would love to 
argue with me over that.
I swung my backpack onto my back and raced downstairs.
Mom was leaning over her cup of coffee while I grabbed a
piece of toast, grabbed my keys, and slammed the door behind me. 
I was for sure going to be late for my first day.

Chapter Two- The First Day

It was a quiet drive to school. Light traffic, good weather...until...
SPLAT! A heavy raindrop fell upon my windsheild...of course. I 
turned on my windshield wipers and proceeded down Westing 
Avenue. I finally reached the front of the school fifteen minutes 
until the bell. I pulled into the lot and found myself a parking space.
I cut the engine and opened the glove compartment for my umbrella.
My leather jacket was enough for me, but I hate the feeling of water
on my head. Slowly I opened the door and my umbrella. I quickly 
shoved my keys into my pocket and stepped out of the car. The door 
slammed and I locked it and dashed for the door.
I reached the canopy by the front door and closed the umbrella. 
Opened the front door. "Just two more years..." I told myself.
I walked through the front doors to the same scenery I have seen 
everyday for the past two years. I didn't bother stopping in the cafeteria
to talk to my friends...after all, I needed some time to find my new classes.

I carelessly shoved all my belongings into my new locker, and walked off, 
class schedule in hand. Room 302, Homeroom: Mr. Johnson.
I knew where that was. As I approached the door I began to realize that 
there was more wieght on my shoulders now. Now is when I needed to 
prepare for college, fill out applications, and to uphold my good grades. 
Now more than ever, I feared school. It isn't so much fear as it is hatred. 
Most of the time I had better things to do than sit in a desk for hours and 
be lectured about subjects of little importance. I'd prefer to be working, to 
tell you the truth. The diner I work at is a friendly place, a teen's favorite 
place to hang out. I loved the diner as a child and now that I am sixteen and 
working there,the little kid inside of me couldn't be happier.
Unfortunately, my first obligation was school, and as much as I dreaded it, I had 
to go. "Two more years..." I said again, as if it was helping.
I opened the door.
Mr. Johnson looked up from some paperwork he was doing.
"Trenton, nice to see you boy. I trust you has a most exciting summer..."
"Yes sir." I replied rather sarcastically. 
My summer wasn't very exciting but I'd do anything for any time away
from school. I took a seat and starting texting Gigi, my coworker at the diner.
She always helped me through tough times. Her southern drawl was soothing in 
an odd way. She's a college student now, I think she'd make a great pshycologist,
but her heart is set on becoming a lawyer. For now Gigi was a diner girl, it'll be a 
cold day when she quits. 
'I think I'm just going to drive to the diner right now' I said.
'Come on, Trent. I know you.'
'It's just school. It's so stupid'
'That stupid thing called high school opens so many doors for the thrill we call college'
'Fine, you win.'
'I always do'
A loud thud came from right in front of me.
It was my best friend Jude. Thank goodness, he's in my homeroom.
He was the only real friend I had.
Jude decided to take the liberty of sitting next to me.
By then students began pouring into the room.
First bell. I was ready to face my doom.

Chapter Three- Big News 

The months passed and school was as much torture as usual. However, things were changing
home. Mom was becoming a bit more stressed than usual, and for some reason, she quit her
job here in Washington, North Carolina. My parents' belongings were slowly disappearing
from the 
After school, Jude got a ride with me to the diner.
A minute late, Gigi wouldn't squeal on us.
"Hello Trent..." I recognized that voice. It was my boss Mr. Rodriquez. "Here..." He said
handing me an envelope.
"Sir, it isn't pay day." 
"I know Trent, this is your final paycheck"
"F-final paycheck!?!?" I stuttered trying to get the words out "but sir... I-I"
"I'm sorry to hear that your moving."
"Moving? I'm not moving"
"Your parents called in last week. Said you were moving this Thursday."
"what..." I whispered to myself.
"You were one of my best employees Trent."
Gigi began sobbing hysterically and ran to give me a hug.
"goodbye shug." she said.
Trying not to make a scene I began to cry, and ran out of the diner.
When I pulled into the driveway, I cut the engine and stayed in the car for about fifteen
minutes before I decided to get
out. It was raining, the weather seemed to feel the way I felt.
I ran into the house and to my room.
I wasn't dreaming. My room was in boxes, my heart in pieces.
This was my home, my entire life, and it was being taken away from me.

School, for once I begged for it. Home wasn't home anymore, it was a cold, bitter place.
Home was torture and school was now my last and only getaway. I looked at everything,
knowing that I would never see these again. It pained me to look at my friends for I knew
that I wouldn't see them for a while, if ever again. Jude didn't lose it, but I could see
the pain in his eyes, and I felt it in his presence. It was awkward. I wanted to say
something, but held it back, knowing that my words would only make the situation worse.
Homeroom was probably the worst, which in contrast, ruined the rest of the day. 
"'s the day huh?" he said. Hiding his eyes, probably trying not to cry.
"Yep" I said, much tensity in my voice.
There was silence.
"Why do you have to go? Why do you have to leave" this time looking into my eyes, I could
see his  tearing.
"It's not like I want to, it's not my fault. I didn't have a choice."
Jude and I are a bit sensitive, which is probably why we're such great friends.
"If I had a choice, I wouldn't leave."
Jude let of what seemed to be relief.
"I'm gonna miss you man." 
"Me too."
The rest of the day was slow and awkward all I could think about was how much I'd miss
i was so out of it.

25 December 2009, 08:14 PM   #2
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
I love the plot. You have a few spelling errors, but other than that it was good. Keep
writing! I can't wait! LOL

26 December 2009, 08:37 PM   #3
Guest Poster
A note from the author:
I have joined three writing clubs on Kupika and posted this same story on each one of them
many people commented and I am very pleased with all the positive feedback. I have been
told many times by numerous people that they can't wait for more of the story. Therefore I
will keep posting this story as I continue to edit it.
Thanks for all your support,
♥ Ali
Chapter Three (cont.)

I hated myself for not trying. 
For just giving up.
For not facing my parents.
Why didn't they tell me. 
When school let out there were only two things on my mind...don't cry, and don't look
Mom had taken my car that day and waited for me outside of the school.
I wanted to cry so badly but I restrained myself, this is the last my peers would see of
me. I don't want to leave crying

26 December 2009, 08:47 PM    #4
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
God, why do you end stories like that? 

Well, actually I love it and then I hate it. :D

I love it, because people ask me to write more. 

Then I hate it, because I can't wait people to write more or read more.

Yet, I love this story.

Keep writing!! :D

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