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Sexs Jokes

8 June 2007, 06:41 PM    #1
The Founder
Joined: 7 Jun 2007
Posts: 8
Last edited by Cumming, 16 June 2007
Daughter Daught Using Vibrator By Parents
Sex Joke
As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise
coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real
workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about
as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the
closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate
love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old,
unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband! Please, go away
and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the
kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room.
She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

Couple In Bed Watching T.V
Sex Joke
A couple are lying in bed, Watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
The man says "Hey do you want to Fuck?"
The woman says " No I do not want to fuck."
Then the man says" Is that your final answer?''
The woman says "Yes"
Then the man says"Then I want to call a friend."

At The Sperm Bank
Sex Joke
A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and
says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank, it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the
robber is her husband.
He says, "Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?"

What A Fine Bouquet
Sex Joke
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner,
walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't
read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and
order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork.
He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what
I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he
walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind
man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again
retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the
blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around
with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test
him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the
He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind
man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and
sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know
that Mary worked here?"

And On The Menu Today We Have...
Sex Joke
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50.
Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50.
Hand Job: - $10.00.
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of
the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am"
The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

Frog that gives blow jobs
Sex Joke
A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized
that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the
"I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive", she said.
"Well,"said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the back for $50.00. Would you like to
see it?"
"$50.00?? For a Frog??" asked the woman.
The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It gives blow jobs." Well, the woman did not
particularly enjoy giving head, so, she thought his was a heck of a deal. She'd get her
husband a gift he'd surely enjoy, and she'd never have to do that again. The woman decided
to buy the frog. She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift. Of
course, her husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure he'd try it out that night. The
woman went to bed that night relieved knowing she'd never have to give another blow job.
About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans banging around in the kitchen.
She got up to go see what was going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband
and the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies, looking through cookbooks.
"What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?" asked the woman.
The husband looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is
outta here."

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