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Shiyanna: Life as an Indian Princess

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23 December 2009, 10:46 AM   #1
Guest Poster
This is a story I started several years ago.  Please tell me what you think!

        Once there was a beautiful girl whose name was Shiyana,  and she happened to be an
Indian Princess.  She lived with her father, the chief in a small Creek Village near a
small creek.  There was only one neighboring tribe, the Cherokee.  They were friendly and
would often trade furs and goods with each other.  
	Then one night, it happened!  The Creek were under attack!  The Cherokee were accusing
the Creek of stealing their furs and goods.  As her father was heading into battle, he
warned Shiyana not to leave the tepee.
	Suddenly, a lighted arrow struck the tepee, forcing Shiyana to leave.  Taking the few
belongings that she possessed, she fled into the forest.  Keeping hidden among the trees,
she watched as men kept falling to the ground.  She wanted to run out there and help but
resisted, remembering her father’s words.  Her father!  She had forgotten about him. 
She looked around; yet she couldn't find him.  Where was he?  Was he hurt?  Dead? 
Suddenly, she saw the remaining Cherokee soldiers retreating! The battle was over!  
	After the cost was clear, Shiyana rushed to the battlefield to inspect the grounds. 
There were bloody bodies everywhere!  Some were lucky and were just wounded.  Others
weren't so lucky.  Out of the blue, Shiyana spotted her father, lying on the ground, eyes
closed.  Shiyana rushed over to his side and checked his pulse.  He was still alive, but
just barely.  She tore a piece of her dress off and ran toward the creek.  Shiyana soaked
the piece of cloth in the creek and rushed back to her father.  She rubbed the piece of
cloth on her father's head and his wounds.  He started to wake.  
	"Father," she whispered, "are you all right?"  
	The chief opened his eyes, let out a loud groan, and closed his eyes once more.  Shiyana
looked around to see if there was anything that would help her father that had not been
completely destroyed.  There was some bamboo laying around and some burnt pieces of cloth
from tepees.  Shiyana got an idea. She started to work on making a new tepee.  Then she
made a place for her father to sleep.  Shiyana carried him into the tepee and laid him
	After she had given her father some food and water, she started to help the other wounded
Creek Indians.  She made more tepees and did the same things for the other Indians that
she had done for her father.  After that, she took all of the dead soldiers (Creek and
Cherokee) into the forest and buried them.  Then she went back her father's tepee and made
a place for her to sleep.  After she had checked on the others once more, she went to
	The next morning, Shiyana went to go check up on the others.  After she had finished
giving everyone else their food and water, she returned to her tepee to feed herself and
her father.  When she got to the tepee, she saw a horrible sight .  Her tepee was a mess
and her father was nowhere to be found.
	"What happened? " Shiyana cried, half yelling, half sobbing. 
	She left the tepee and searched the grounds.  The only thing that she saw were footprints
starting at the tepee, leading toward the woods and out of sight.  She looked closer at
the ground.  She saw that there had apparently been some sort of struggle, maybe her
father had tried to break free of his captors.  What could she do?  Should Shiyana abandon
the others and go looking for her father; or should she stay with the others and wait and
see if her father might return on his own?
	Later that afternoon, Shiyana decided to go and search for her father.  But what should
she do about the others?  She brainstormed a bit and had an idea.  Maybe she could see if
any of the women had survived the attack.  She went to check on them.  There were many of
them; but only a few of them were up and able to take care of themselves.  She asked them
if they would be able to take care of the others while she went in search of her father. 
They willingly agreed.  Shiyana told them that she hoped to be back soon.  She packed the
belongings that she thought that she would need, and got a good night's sleep before she
started on her journey.  
	The next morning, Shiyana woke up at dawn to get a head start on finding her father.  She
decided to clean the tepee for her father’s return.  In the final corner of the tepee
that was yet to be cleaned, Shiyana found something.  Attached to her  father's headpiece
was a scrap piece of cloth with writing on it.  It looked like it was written in blood.
	It read, ‘We have the chief.  If you want to see him again, come to the forest by the
full moon’s light.’
	The note was not signed.  What was Shiyana to do?  Should she do what the note says, or
should she try to find her father by herself?  This was a tough decision  for Shiyana. 
The note could be a trap.  But what if they would really give her father back to her?  She
was about to decide in what she should do when one of the elderly women entered the tepee.

 	“ Look, the dead figure is upon us!” exclaimed the elderly lady.
	Shiyana rushed outside the tepee to see what was going on, and then she saw it.  There,
at the edge of the woods, Shiyana assumed, was the figure of a man.  He staggered a few
steps, then collapsed onto the ground.  Three of the healthy women, including herself,
rushed off to help the man.  The instant Shiyana saw the man’s face, she let out a
	It was her father!
	Shiyana was shocked to see her father.  Apparently, he had gotten into a fight, according
to the open and bleeding wounds on his shoulder, face, and chest.  The three other women
hoisted the chief and carried him to the nearest tepee. Shiyana once again ripped off some
cloth from her dress and rushed down to the creek.  When she returned, her father was
regaining consciousness.  She rubbed the cloth over the open wounds, hoping that it would
help reduce the bleeding. 
 	After a while, her father was feeling a lot better and the bleeding had finally stopped.
 He was sitting up when Shiyana came in to check-up in him.
	“Father, are you all right? You had a nasty fall!”  she asked, rubbing his head. 
	Her father didn’t say anything for a while, but suddenly, he spoke in a deep, low
“ Yes daughter.”
	Shiyana wanted to know what happened and where he had disappeared to and who did this and
how he broke free but her father did not want to talk about it.  After caring for him, the
other three women left the tent giving Shiyana a little alone time with her father. 
	The next day, Shiyana woke up to find that her father was already sitting up and waiting
to be fed.  She fed him and, after a long interrogation, got her father to tell her what
had happened to him.
	“I had dozed off.  When I awoke, I was in another tepee.  I looked around.  There was
no one in sight.  I slowly arose but I fell back down when I realized that they had tied
my legs to a post.  There I laid, trying to figure out an escape plan.  All of a sudden,
two soldiers entered the tepee.  They tied my hands behind my back and took out a spear. 
They cut my chest and laughed when they saw blood.  Then, I had an idea.  I threw my legs
up in the air and knocked them out.  I grabbed the spear with my hands and broke the rope
which bound them together behind my back.  I broke the rope on my legs and made a break
for it.  Out of the tepee I ran, through the briers and into our camp.  I was out of
breath yet safe.”
	That was all that her father could tell her about his journey.  As he finished, she
exited the tepee and walked down to the creek.  It was almost dark.  Suddenly, Shiyana
remembered the note that the crooks left.  It said to go to the forest by the full
moon’s light.  Tomorrow was the full moon!  Her father was safe and sound but Shiyana
had an urge to go to the forest.  Should she do it?  Should she risk her life to see what
they want?  Her answer surprised herself.  
	The next morning, Shiyana began to wonder if she had made the right choice.  Should she
really be risking her life?  Maybe this note was a trap.  She could get hurt, even killed.
 But had to do it.  She had to see what they want.  That meant risking her own life for a
possible trap.

23 December 2009, 02:42 PM   #2
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
I like the plot. Instead of rushing into things...maybe you could slow down? Also,
include the setting. All I got was a forest and topees not much. I hope that helps you.

23 December 2009, 03:54 PM   #3
Guest Poster
It  could use some more sensory details but it's good

24 December 2009, 11:14 AM   #4
Guest Poster
Thanks. I really need to go back and change it a little. I wrote this when I was like 9
so  Iwasn't that good at doing this sort of thing yet. Thanks for the ideas!

30 January 2010, 11:44 AM   #5
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
Your welcome. You know good writers always finishes their stories, but they go back to
add more detail and try to make it better. Maybe you should do that.

30 January 2010, 12:14 PM   #6
Guest Poster
i will, thanks for the ideas. i have been meaning to go back and fix it up but i haven't
got the chance. By the way, when are you going to add more to your story, spy girl?

30 January 2010, 02:14 PM    #7
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
Spy Girl...well I have been meaning to type more of it up.

I have like one more part to type up.

Yet, I am REALLY fast on my laptop, and REALLY slow on my PC.

Guess where the story is saved!!

Yep...on my PC.

Yet, I am going to go type it up right away...since I have nothing else to do.

The next part is going to be called:

The Secret's Out


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