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The Hidden Pain


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3 July 2010, 12:43 AM   #1
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Last edited by ‹hypnohsis›, 8 July 2010
So, most girls my age are worrying about boyfriends and bestfriends and looking good on a
friday night. Me? I'm worrying about a boy, my older brother, my only friend, Sarah, who's
nearly beaten alive, and looking good,hiding the scars. You see, the scars are from my
Father, he abused my mother, me, and my brother when I was younger. I got the good end of
the stick, I only have a few deeper scars everywhere. My brother? He's okay, scars and a
disconected jaw, and my mom? Dead. He killed her. That's how he lost custody of us. We
were going to be sperated, my brother and I, untill he was old enough to take full custody
of me. Now he's nineteen and I'm eleven, and were living  in a ratty old apartment with
some food, clean water, and hand me down clothes. Joy.
                                         My best friend, and my only, is actually my step
sister. We figured it out after my dad lost custody of us, that he had been cheating on My
mother for twelve years and had a daughter two years younger than me. We talk alot, on the
phone, through emails, but can never see eachother unless it's from their mother, who
allows My brother to take care of her. David's a good baby sitter, he is, and I love
cooking for Sarah, my sister, and talking to her and helping her with scars and bruises
she has from getting beaten. She's to afraid to tell anyone but me, so not even David
knows, just me and she'd hate me if I told. She's loves our dad and her mom, and she
thinks she's a horrid daughter and that's why she get's beaten. If only she knew that
she'd be helped so much if she told.
                                                         I'm homeschooled so far, but I'll
be starting a new school for highschool. I still don't understand puberty, since it's an
uncomftorble subject wit hmy brother. All I know is girls bleed and develop breast, wich I
have yet to do either thankfully. I never want to have puberty, I want to keep everything
the same, just as it is. My chesnut hair mid length and curly, my blue eyes open, and my
small figure staying small. But than again, with my luck, I'll end up changing to a whole
different person by next year. Maybe my name won't even be Devon anymore, it'll change to
Tracey or Elouise, something more complex. I'll just have to wait and see, what becomes of
me.

4 July 2010, 04:24 PM   #2
Guest Poster
Some gramatical errors, and I got lost a few times but other than that it was good. 
" he abused my mother, me, and my mother "

4 July 2010, 07:00 PM   #3
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Thanks.

5 July 2010, 12:40 AM   #4
Guest Poster
The Hidden Pain or The Hidden Scars would be good and it's good so far, can't wait for
you to continue!

5 July 2010, 12:45 AM   #5
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Thanks! I love the Hidden Pain!

5 July 2010, 12:53 AM   #6
Guest Poster
Oh yay! Haha :P

5 July 2010, 12:54 AM   #7
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Heh 

5 July 2010, 11:32 PM   #8
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
I like it, but the part "I'm worrying about a boy, my older brother, my only friend, Kat,
who's
nearly beaten alive, and looking good,hiding the scars." kinda confused me. 
Don't forget to read it over before you post, just in case you need to fix stuff like
spelling or something that doesn't make sense.
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5 July 2010, 11:36 PM   #9
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Oh yeah, I couldn't figure out how to put that. Maybe,
I'm worrying about a boy;my brother, my only friend; Kat who's nearly been beaten alive,
and looking good; hiding the scars.

Yeah, I'm doing my own writing process for that. Draft, Edit, Final.

5 July 2010, 11:44 PM   #10
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
How about: I'm worrying about a boy; my brother, who's my only friend; Kat, who's nearly
been beaten alive and is hiding the scars.
If she has scars she probably doesn't look good.
And, I just realized, you kind of contradicted yourself because you said her brother is
her only friend, but then later said that her stepsister Sarah is also her friend. 
Or implied that, that is.

Sorry if I sound mean, just trying to help o.o
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5 July 2010, 11:53 PM   #11
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Oh, no, I was typing quick to quick and ofrgot what I had named her. This is what it
should be.

I'm worrying about a boy; my brother. My only friend;Kat, who's nearly been beaten alive
by our father, and looking good; hiding the scars.


Sarah is Devon's only friend, Devon's hiding her scars, and Devon's worrying about her
older brother.

5 July 2010, 11:59 PM   #12
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
Im confused!
Is her only friend Kat or Sarah?
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6 July 2010, 12:06 AM   #13
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Kat is Sarah, I just forgot what I had named her. I'll fix it.

6 July 2010, 12:16 AM   #14
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
OK. Gottit!
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6 July 2010, 12:23 AM    #15
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Love the story thing, I'll have to get one or make one myself.

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