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Gothic Raisins

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30 January 2010, 07:44 PM   #1
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
Henrietta was walking to high school today it was the first day of high school  she
wasn't in the best mood she had ever been in exactly so as usual she walked on the side
walk with, just how upset she was visible due to the expression she had on her face.She
arrived at the high school and sat down it was Monday meaning today was english class she
usually never went to class but on Modays when it was english day she would go.More kids
entered the class room and sat down removing their book bags, from their backs and sitting
them on the side next to the desk they all sat at.

It was almost time for class to start and just a few more kids were entering the classroom
one person ran inside and sat down quickly.Must have thought he was late thought Henrietta
to herself.Finally the teacher came into the class room his hair was a bit messy but he
seemed aware of that since he was trying to fix that by brushing it to the back and
alittle to the side with his right hand.Henrietta rested her head on her elbow looking
bored and almost depressed she didn't really care what impression of herself she gave to
the people around her on her first day of high school she just wanted to be in class maybe
ditch the other, classes and than go home.

''Alright class take out your english books and turn to page 69 in your text books after
that open up your note books to a nice clean page'' instructed the teacher.Henrietta did
just what the teacher told the intire class to do and waited for the teacher to give out
more instructions.All the sudden someone sitting behind her tapped her on the right
shoulder she ignored this person clearly annoyed.The person persisted to tap her shoulder,
soon Henrietta was to annoyed to ignore the person any longer she turned around examening
the person for a moment.The person was a girl with long orange brownish hair which was
mostly orange.Her eyes were a sparkling bright brown her skin was radiant compared to
Henrietta's more pale skin.She was wearing  orange short and tight shorts with a white
short sleeved shirt on that said raisins.

''What the heck do you want?'' asked Henrietta in an angry growling tone.The girl
hesitated before answering, and than looked at her with curiouse eyes and smiled this
annoyed Henrietta.''Hi'' said the girl in an up beat tone.''I work at raisins you have a
nice breast size wanna join raisins the place I work at?'' asked the girl.Henrietta was
almost ready to punch this girl in the face but some how she managed to restrain herself
from doing so.''I am not a whore I don't want to work at raisins the place where girls
seem like whores and dress like sluts'' answered Henrietta in a more angry tone than
before.''I see'' said the girl in an understanding tone.''Wait where are my manners?Just
so you know my name is Lexus'' said Lexus with an even more up beat tone.''Alright class
do numbers 10 to 20 in your text books on page 69'' said the teacher.''Guess I should let
you do your work now'' said Lexus.

Henrietta turned around in her seat and thought in her mind everything that just happened
real quick she could not believe some strange peppy girl just spoke to her.Henrietta
wanted to get her english work done so she simply came to the conclusion that the girl was
a freakin weirdo of some sort or something like that.She pushed the girl out of her mind
and focused on her work she couldn't care less about why the girl behind her just spoke to
her anyway.

30 January 2010, 08:03 PM   #2
Guest Poster
Some grammatical errors but its okay. Remember, line break each different quotation. 

Jenny said, "No" and then Lily screamed, "BRAT!"
Jenny said, "No." "BRAT!" Lily screamed back.

30 January 2010, 08:09 PM   #3
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
Alright thanks for the advice.

3 February 2010, 07:57 PM   #4
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
Henrietta's POV.
I got my bag and started to walk towards the door I was about to leave the class room but
a certain annoying girl had other plans in mind for me.It was that girl named Lexus, she
was walking towards me and I tried my best to look like I didn't see her I kept walking
faster and faster through the hallway she seemed to be almost just as fast, she was right
behind me.''Hey wait up your name is Henrietta right?'' asked Lexus in a tired voice.I
kept walking ignoring the tired girl all of a sudden I felt like maybe I should stop
walking I could hear her panting and she just wanted to speak to me.Wait what am I
thinking?This girl is peppy up, beat, and flat out annoying I need to keep walking if I
want to loose her.

I just want to go hang out with the goth kids nothing more!I guess I should just stop
walking and see, what the heck she wants.I stopped but as I stopped since she was walking
so fast she bumped right into me and than stepped back a few steps looking alittle ready
to faint.Finally after wobbling alittle she stared at me looking puzzled.What did she
want? I asked myself.I just didn't understand why such a conformist would want to speak to
me such an optimistic girl with her head filled with disney fairy tale lies she is some up
beat peppy girl who wants to speak to me of all people seriously why me?''Henrietta why
were you trying to get away from me I just want to walk home with you is all I want to be
your friend!'' exclaimed Lexus.I was instintly overwhelmed with confusion why did she want
to be my friend?

Why was this girl so determinded?Thats it I am going to get her off my back once and for
all.''Look you little whore I don't want to be your friend we are nothing alike I already
have people to hang out with so fuck off'' I said in the most scary voice I could
muster.She looked shocked she had already began to look shocked when I mentioned the word
whore.Some how I felt like I went to far but I could not understand why, was I ''Henrietta
the couldn't care less about life goth girl'' really feeling a conformist emotion such as
regret?''I see'' she said in a soft monotone while narrowing her eyes looking at the
floor.Lexus began to turn the other way and than ran away crying with her hands covering
her eyes.''Good ridence'' I said to myself.

3 February 2010, 08:18 PM   #5
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
I like the plot.

I don't know the problem yet, but I am sure you already have one.

Um...after every period you have to have at least one space. Some people do two, but it
doesn't matter as long as you have one space.

That's all I can think of.

3 February 2010, 08:35 PM   #6
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
Okay the more advice like this I get the better my stories can turn out.

4 February 2010, 06:01 PM   #7
Guest Poster
i like the story only u should use more similes? like when u describe each characters
clothes , expression, etc...  this would let the readers a understanding of how much or
wat is it like

4 February 2010, 09:46 PM   #8
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
Henrietta, exited the school building and went to go hang out with the goth kids.She went
behind the school and finally sat down with the other goths.

Dylan, smoked some of his cigarette, and than began to speak.''I got detention today''
said Dylan in a grotchy voice.

''Its your own gosh darn fault'' said Henrietta.Basicly Dylan was an angst ridden gothic
16 year old boy who enjoyed writing poetry even though not as much as Henrietta, he proved
himself to be intelligent at certain times even though he was held back instead of being
in high school he is in 8th grade.

Dylan gave Henrietta an angry glare but Henrietta didn't even seem to notice which got
Dylan a bit annoyed.

''Quit bickering'' said Ethan with an angry look on his face.Ethan was a tall 17 year old
boy in his fourth year of high school he was  suppost to be in his third year of high
school but since he was so intelligent he was in the fourth year of high school.

Henrietta's eyes began to narrow.''Some conformist idiot spoke to me but I got her to
leave me alone'' said Henrietta in a despressed sounding voice.

''What?'' asked Ethan wanting to know more.''Her name is Lexus and she works at Raisins''
said Henrietta.

Everyone all at the same time turned their attention to Henrietta they believed what she
was saying to be interesting.''Why are you all so interested all of the sudden?'' asked

''Tell us more'' said Goergie who usually never spoke.Goergie, was a 13 year old boy in
7th grade he was the youngest of the goth group he first joined when he was in
kindergarten he used to be called kindergoth, but because he was not in kindergarten
everyone called him Goergie he was a small boy the size of a first grader.

''Well the only other thing I can say is she is annoying, and dresses like a whore plus
probably is a whore'' said Henrietta in a ranting tone.Ethan gave Henrietta the most
interested look compared to the other goths, ''Why don't we kill her?'' suggested Ethan.

Henrietta gave Ethan a shocked expression.''Wouldn't that be too rash?'' asked Henrietta.

''Maybe'' answered  Ethan.

5 February 2010, 05:28 PM   #9
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
Soon school was over and so Henrietta decided to take the whole goth group to her
house.They walked through the slightly snow covered town, known as Southpark.Once they
were all in Henrietta's house which looked nice and lively because that was how
Henrietta's mother wanted it, they went up to Henrietta's room.

In short Henrietta's room had black walls, a black bed, and gothic band posters in
it.Dylan flipped his fringe out of his eyes,Ethan just kept smoking,Goergie was sitting on
Henrietta's bed looking at the floor, and Henrietta was simply writing poetry in her note

''Hey Ethan can you help me with this poem?'' asked Henrietta.''Sure'' answered Ethan.

Ethan took the note book away from Henrietta gently, and than read it.It read ''Life is
never forever, only a nightmare which doesn't exist anywhere other than your soul''.Ethan
after reading the poem looked up to Henrietta.

''Should I add pain creeps over pale skin, or a soul is like all that is wonderful in
beautyful death?'' asked Henrietta.Ethan smoked some of his Cigaretta, ''definately that
last one you said'' answered Ethan.

"Thanks for the help'' said Henrietta.Ethan had a slightly shocked look on his face
Henrietta never usually thanks anyone for anything and since he actually had sort of a
crush on her his heart was pumping roughly and fast Henrietta said thanks to him this made
him for the first time in a while be happy.

Note:Maybe they will end up together keep reading to find out!But if Ethan and Henrietta
do end up together expect some dramatic twist!

7 February 2010, 11:07 PM   #10
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
All of the goths had left Henrietta's house Henrietta thought that now she could simply
have a quite moment to herself now Henrietta had no idea how wrong she was.Her cellphone
began to ring it was on the surface of her bed she grabbed the cell phone opened it up and
looked at the bright screen to figure out who could be calling

The bright screen of her cell phone read Ethan why was Ethan calliing her?He just left her
house Henrietta pressed a small button that read in small glowing green words talk she
than held the phone up to her ear waiting for Ethan to say something but the voice she
heard on the other end wasn't Ethan.

''Hello'' said a famaliar voice Henrietta almost instantly, knew who it was and her eyes
slightly widened she wasn't expecting to hear who she heard on the other end of her cell
phone.It was Lexus what was the annoying peppy girl doing with Ethan's cell phone
Henrietta wondered to herself.

''What happened to Ethan'' asked Henrietta in an annoyed voice.''Your friend Ethan is tied
up at the moment anyway come to his house this will teach you to call me a whore and fuck
with me'' said Lexus in a devious tone.

Afterwards Lexus hug up and Henrietta slammed her cell phone shut she took a drag on her
cigaretta.''Damn'' said Henrietta softly yet menacingly.

Henrietta stood up slowly went down stairs opened the door and walked outside she was
going to go and rescue Ethan from the annoying peppy girl known as Lexus, she was going to
give her a piece of her mind.She sat in her mother's car, and in her hand her right hand
if you want to get specific was a rifle she put it on the right seat next to her.

She began to drive and was ready to teach Lexus a lesson.

8 February 2010, 12:06 PM   #11
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
omg i liked it you seriously need to write some more!

8 February 2010, 04:08 PM   #12
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
I will and I will try to make the story even better.

8 February 2010, 08:57 PM   #13
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
but i think its just fine the way it is
well thats just me
so yea 


10 February 2010, 04:20 PM   #14
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Posts: 32
Henrietta was seated in her mother's car looking calm despite the situation she was
driving at a fast rate though thinking that Lexus was doing a dramatic version of revenge
perhaps, she thought that maybe Lexus was at that very moment doing something terrible to
Ethan she would not be able to live with her self if she let Ethan get hurt she simply
just couldn't.In order to take her mind off things alittle she turned on some music there
were not many good songs but she decided to leave it at lady gaga's song poker face.

The drive to Ethan's house was going to be about 5 minutes long, she was almost there she
had already been driving for 3 minutes so Henrietta braced herself for what ever she might
find upon entering Ethan's house.She had her cell phone with her in the car so it began to
ring and she answered it almost as soon as it did she put it up to her ear and listened.

''Henrietta is that you?Lexus forced me to drink something weird tasting and now I feel
sick hurry up and get hear I can hear you driving'' said a tired sounding Ethan.''Don't
worry I will be there in 2 minutes just hand in there and don't do anything to provoke her
into doing something worse than just making you feel sick'' instructed Henrietta she than
hung up the phone and began to drive faster

The car was almost at full speed and at this point seemed like it had someone behind the
wheel who was in a race.Finally Henrietta was at Ethan's house and slowly parked outside
of the house she grabbed the rifle and was ready to destroy Lexus if she had to.

She walked up to the house and was able to open the door on her own once she entered
Ethan's house this added up to the suspense.Henrietta entered the dark house lights were
off she turned the lights on by flicking a switch which was on the side of the door.

Once she did Lexus could be seen coming down the stairs slowly she seemed to have a knife
in her hands but Henrietta wasn't scared she had a rifle.''I see you have a rifle well you
must not be scared than but still you should be'' said Lexus like a true serial killer.

Henrietta had enough of the girl's bullshit and finally pulled the trigger on the rifle
with the rifle aimed at Lexus the bullet shot in the girl's direction, but something
amazing happened the bullet didn't hit her it hit the knife she was holding.Henrietta even
though surprised shot five more bullets at her all of them hit the knife Lexus was holding
Lexus slowly was growing a smirk on her face.

''Did you really think I was a mere peppy girl?I am more than just that you bitch'' said
Lexus in a scary tone.Her eyes were beginning to glow red and the lights went out
Henrietta now knew she wasn't messing with just a normal high school girl the girl in
front of her...wasn't human.

10 February 2010, 05:34 PM    #15
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
omg i wish you never stopped!!!!
i am going to be begging you to write more!!

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