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WRITING:The Adam And Eve

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25 June 2009, 02:13 PM   #1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Posts: 3
As we lay beneath the trees.
Light shining through the leaves.
I look over and your beside me.

Bodies under covers.
Sweet and innocent.
A time well unspent.

Conversation struck.
It's how this all began.
As tenstion ran.

Denying my question.
Regection after regection
Lies were told.
And you had a hold.

Your hair was perfect.
your eyes still so blue.
Everything so fmiliar
Yet all so new

Covers down.
I'm still laughing.
A dream worth Dreamt 
And I'm still happy.

You kiss me pasionatly.
Once on the lips.
Another on breasts
And the last on hips.

I open my eyes,
for the first time.
A stray branch blocking my veiw.
Yet it made an even more perfect you.

Shouts and screams from far away.
Seem to have put our minds a stray
You stare at me and smile.
and just star for a while.

I feel special.
A little too.
I never thougth I'd give it up for you.

I hide my face.
Tilt it to the side.
and you tell me I shouldn't hide.

You say it's cute.
and then kiss me.
I just don'twant you to see.

I'm so embarassed.
By what I've done.
I just don't want you to see that you've won.

Now I get the call.
Telling me it's time to go.

My hairs a wreck.
Your's is filled with sweat.
Now things are losed.
We're in a rush

I have to hurry and change.
Put on my face.

we're cooled down 
alost look normal now.

Blankets are damp.
but not totaly by us.
by rain water and sweat
These are why the blankets are wet.

You're my adam
And I your eve.
Though no child concieved.

Little laughs and giggles.
Loveless trickles.
You talk I talk.
Though I stayed and you walked.

You're still my adam
Though I'm not your eve.
Though yours does.
My love doesnt leave

26 June 2009, 12:43 PM   #2
Guest Poster
I really liked that ! There were a few parts where I thought the rhythm was strange , but other than that it kept my attention . ( which can be hard in poetry XD )

26 June 2009, 12:47 PM   #3
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Posts: 212
so that its not distracting, i would clean up all the misspellings too. simple spellcheck
would catch most of them and ahold is one word not two

nice poem though

28 June 2009, 01:27 AM    #4
Joined: 20 Mar 2009
Posts: 28
I really like it, it's very.. hm.. I had a word but I lost it.. XD I almost want to say
Po-e-try makes me happyyyy.

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