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Dear Eddie: Bisexuality

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9 January 2010, 09:27 PM   #1
The Director
Joined: 3 Jun 2007
Posts: 120
Dear Eddie,

I think i might be about bi. Also my friends sometimes laugh about gay people and I've got
a few relatives who are gay and it's made me uncomfortable. I am not sure whether I should
mention to my friends that I've got some gay relatives.


Dear Concerned,

1. if your gay relatives are out of the closet, and it comes up naturally in conversation
you shouldnt be afraid to say it. (though how that would come up naturally imnot sure).
for one thing who our relatives are doesnt or shouldnt reflect upon who we are to our
friends and more importantly, when people keep something distanced it is easier to have
such prejudice about the thing. But by letting your friends know that you have some gay
relatives and enjoy their company and love them, then by extension it will help your
friends in a way not be so prejudiced. trust me it will.

2. regarding being "bisexual" when you say youre "about bi" its probably an indication
that youre not really bisexual. sexuality is somethign that is hardwired into each person
and somethng about themselves that they feel very strongly. they feel it as part of their
identity just as early and strongly as they feel they are male or female.  of course its
possible to have feelings and even experiences or experimentation with same-sex love and
same-sex sex but its a false form of homosexuality or bisexuality.

I cant tell you how many friends (girls) Ive met on kupika who two years ago or even a
year ago thought they were bisexual (because they had some feelings for another girl or
that they thought girls were attractive) but have since realized that they arent bisexual
or that their attraction was just to that one other person and not to all girls. btw thats
usually a reliable indicator that its not bisexuality its just attraction.

Girls are attractive and beautiful so its not suprising that you might find some
attractive. Even sexually arousing to some extent. And its easy to be attracted to a
particular person when that person has qualities you admire or makes you feel comfortable
and good, and if it is a she, well you think, "maybe im bisexual" but it really isnt

3. and now the most important thing and ive told others the same thing before..

At this point in your life, there is absolutely no reason to worry about afixing some sort
of "label" to yourself. There's no point in worrying whether your friends will accept you
or whether they will ostracize you for being bisexual if youre really bisexual. (and btw i
assume you say your bi and not lesbian because you do get turned on by guys?)

Since what is going to happen for your teen years (especially these early years) is that
youre going to have a lot of fleeting and changing love affairs, all you should do right
now is just love whoever it is youre going to love and date whoever it is you want to
date. If you want to date, date the person. If they happen to be a girl then they are a
girl, if they happen to be a guy then they are a guy. Dont worry about what label or
category that it may make you. Just date and love who you want and just enjoy life and
don't take any of these loves too seriously like i always say not to do.

Later on, after youve had lots of experience if for some reason it helps you shore up your
identity and you feel the need then you can adopt a label if you want.


9 January 2010, 09:41 PM   #2
Guest Poster
being gay comes naturally into my family's conversations. there's really not that much
tension about it. although i think if i were to say i was gay, or bisexual, then it would
be muted. no one would want to talk about it. but people need to learn how to talk about
these things with their kids, and except them for who they are. :}]

24 February 2010, 06:31 AM    #3
Guest Poster
If my mother knew I was bisexual (which I am by the way) she would probably yell at me
for a long time and hit me alittle.Kids need to be careful about telling their parents
these things.They should start off slowly with saying ''Hey mom and dad what if I was
gay,bisexual,lesbian etc.

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