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Please tell me wat u think!


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15 May 2009, 03:17 AM   #1
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
The Pencil That Talks ( I kno this is short sorry!)

  One timethere was a girl named Heather.She was inside her classroom doing a
test.''This test is hard.'' whispered my friend Nashblin.''Yea whatever...'' Heather
whispered back.Nashblin always talked only when she's nervouse.''Who's talking?'' the
teacher said.''This is a test!There is absoloutly no talking!'' ''Sorry, I was just
talking to Nashblin because I needed a pencil.'' Heather lied.''Well I'll let you use
mine!'' the teacher said and gave Heather a pencil.It was not a normal looking pencil
because it had a face on it, it could have been drawn on, but it looked so real!
  All of a sudden it opened its mouth and started talking!''Hey, what kinda test are you
doing?'' said the pencil.''Waaaaa???'' Heather said very comfused. ''You heard me!What
test are ya doing!'' yelled the pencil.''Shhhhh!'' Heather hissed, ''Your gunna get me
into truble!'' ''Well then!I am offended!Oh an the names BOB.'' said the pencil.''Well
then if your offended,Im offended!'' Heather said.''How are you offended?'' said
BOB.''Because i can be!'' Heather yelled a bit loudly.''No you can't!'' said BOB as
loud.''Yes i can!'' said Heather.And the fight went on and on intil the test was over.And
Heather didn't do a good job.So Heather blamed the pencil for talking and making her fail,
she was very mad, and so was BOB.Oh and Nashblin got a better grade then Heather.


        So if you like my story please comment or if theres something wrong.Yes i kno
its random but thats what i write sometimes.
  If you like it then I have way more of The Pencil That Talks like alot more.And i
will also be writing about vampires and more.So please tell me!

20 June 2009, 06:41 PM   #2
Joined: 9 Jun 2008
Posts: 669
It was good, but...oh never mind it can't be. Post more.

20 June 2009, 07:57 PM   #3
Guest Poster
Last edited by ‹SqueeneyTodd›, 20 June 2009
Okay, I'm going to try and give some constructive criticsm instead of the usual "OMG THIS
GREAT STORY" comment that everyone seems to be giving:
When someone new speaks, you have to start another paragraph.
I'm sorry, but the way you write is atrocious, and being "random" is no excuse.

21 June 2009, 06:04 PM   #4
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
ummm ok then....you know what?im just gunna not post any of these storys on here,ill just
share hem with my other friends(that doesnt go on this) so never mind forget this

21 June 2009, 07:50 PM   #5
Guest Poster
Last edited by ‹SqueeneyTodd›, 21 June 2009
Well, you don't have to act like that. I'm just giving my honest opinion. If you added a
little more detail and effort, your story would be pretty good.
Hey, I'm not the best writer. I've met many people much better than me. I just read and
call 'em as I see 'em.

22 June 2009, 02:59 AM    #6
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Posts: 160
ok...i'll try to fix it and i'll post another and see how you think about it



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