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Chapter 1: Audition


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6 July 2010, 10:16 PM   #1
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Last edited by Invincible, 6 July 2010
~Chapter One~

"LAST CALL!" I heard her yell from her desk at the front of the stage. I ran, as fast as I
could because I knew if I missed this one like I had missed all the others, I'd regret it.
"...Going once! ...Going twice! And that'ts a wrap ladies and gentlemen!" I burst through
the door. 
   "No! Please, Im sorry Im late, I have a note!" I panted running up to her. I handed her
the note then put my hands on my knees to stop the shaking, and partially to catch my
breath without falling over. 
   She read the note. "Well then, what are you waiting for? Go on! Go preform the scene!"
Out of breath, I walked up the stairs, and went to center stage. I wiped the bead of sweat
falling from my hair line, picked up the script on the floor, and read, 
   "Antonio! Dont leave me now when we are this much closer to an ever after. I apologize,
I...." I couldnt read the word. I looked up at Mrs. Gail, the drama teacher, she put her
glasses on her nose "Keep going." "I... Um..... I apologize, I..." What happened next was
terrible. I felt my heart pounding as Mrs. Gail watched me, as the backstage crew watched
me, as people in the audience watched me.
    I started to shake, I felt beads of sweat coming from my neck and hair line, what made
it even worse, people from the halls were gathering at the opened door to watch me. They
all laughed and pointed as they saw me up here, stumbling over a word. A new light was
turned toward me, a spotlight perhaps? I knew the enevitable, I was going to faint. And
about 5 seconds after I thought that, I did.
   I woke up in the nurse's office with a headache, and some slight dizziness, Nurse
Alexis walked through the door. "Hello dear, feeling any better?" "Um... sure. Hey, what
time is it?" "3:30, you've been out for 15 minutes. I called your mother, she said that
you faint often. She said panic attacks cause them?" "Yeah, look, Mrs. Alexis,Im fine, can
I go home now?" "You're mom's on her way." 
   Ugh. Great, now I'd have to talk to mom on the way home. Couldn't I just have some
peace before having to spill my thoughts on the embaressing day? Of course not! I don't
know which is worse, showing my face at school tomorrow, or having my mom tell me that
everything was going to be okay, then going into some story about "When I was your age". I
can tell, its going to be a great night. 



Stay tuned for next chapter, Crits, comments? What'd ya think!?
~Sam

8 July 2010, 05:00 PM   #2
Guest Poster
-Thanks for the input.

11 July 2010, 05:01 AM   #3
Guest Poster
Ive gotten so much support, I've decided... Im leaving, thanks for ruining my dreams.

11 July 2010, 05:50 AM   #4
Joined: 12 Jul 2008
Posts: 229
Look, I've written books before on here. You don't quit or say stuff like that because
nobody is commenting. Sometimes people just want to see how the story is going before they
comment and encourage you to write something that isn't good..

My input is this: Separate the speeches. As in,

     I woke up in the nurse's office with a headache, and some slight dizziness, Nurse
Alexis walked through the door. "Hello dear, feeling any better?"
    "Um... sure. Hey, what time is it?" 
   "3:30, you've been out for 15 minutes. I called your mother, she said that you faint
often. She said panic attacks cause them?"
    "Yeah, look, Mrs. Alexis,Im fine, can I go home now?"
    "You're mom's on her way." 

It's less confusing as to who's talking that way! Otherwise, this is a great story.

11 July 2010, 01:32 PM   #5
The Founder
Joined: 2 Apr 2009
Posts: 350
I REALLY like it. It's a good beginning and not too descriptive. Good work!!!
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11 July 2010, 08:24 PM   #6
Guest Poster
Thanks all!

11 July 2010, 11:24 PM   #7
Guest Poster
I love the beginning, but I think that it's the slightest bit repetitive in the first few
paragraphs.

11 July 2010, 11:49 PM   #8
Guest Poster
Kay thanks!

12 July 2010, 06:21 PM    #9
Guest Poster
It's okay so far. Keep going.



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