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12 April 2010, 06:37 PM   #1
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Last edited by ‹hypnohsis›, 12 April 2010
 Hey!Regan here,and I'm so sick of my roomates it's out of control.First,you have
Brenden shoving fries up his noes,and than Maddi obsessed with her curly hair or her
height.Than,McKenna and Brintteny fighting over EVERYTHING!I think I'm going to
move!God,will anyone help me?

 My goodness.I was an idiot back than.Now I've joined in with Brenden in shoving fries
up my noes and laughing at all times.And I've helped Maddie with her overly curly hair.As
for McKenna and Brittany,I've settled the fights.I'm having a pretty good time here now
and I couldn't even think of moving.

   I sighed a deep sigh as I read over the old computer entries I had wrote in.Since than
a new boy had moved in town.Hayes was his name.Him and I were like best friends and he
lived here with us.But he was in so many fights with so many people,he only stayed here
part of the time.Something I don't think i cna tell anyone is that I'm madly in love with
him.Oh,and Brenden is mvoing away,Britteny and McKenna are even worse than they were and
Maddie is always irritated.Could this get any worse?
That's only chapter one.Do you like it?Crits?Comments?Should I keep writing?

12 April 2010, 06:41 PM   #2
Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Posts: 88
 Well written. However, he grammar is quite bad, and I also take offense to the
curly hair comments (I have curly hair myself). Just a few tips to not offend people who
have curly hair (and think that it's nice!)

12 April 2010, 06:46 PM   #3
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Nah,the curly hair means she wants it to be strait.She says,"My God!I can't have any cute
styles with this hair."but truly,I wish I had her hair.Better than my short and strait
combo.I love curly hair.THis is formed after my frineds and I,and the dude I'm madly in
love wich very well happens to be Hayes.It's supposed to be us in college as room
mates.And,sorry about the grammar.

12 April 2010, 08:20 PM   #4
Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Posts: 88
 Don't apologize! Constructive criticism. 

12 April 2010, 08:24 PM    #5
Joined: 14 Mar 2010
Posts: 155
Thanks!I'll start writing the next chapter now.

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