WRITING: Poetry: Humor: The Big Beetches Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 


WRITING: Poetry: Humor: The Big Beetches

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7 April 2009, 09:46 PM    #1
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Posts: 212
Last edited by Oroborus21, 7 April 2009
[this is out of my diary from sometime ago, figured i would repost it here, and i might
put Amanda's funny Oekaki response too]

The Big Beetches

There was once a bunch of Big-Beetches
Who thought they're the best in the land
On the backs of their heads
Plain to be read
Twas written "One Genuine Kupikan"

They loved to have fun,
And they avoided the sun,
Talking and poking
It seemed quite without end
They gawked and they squawked
They giggled all day,
They lol'd at their friends
And were ever so fond
Of their popular unoriginal memes
Oh how superior
All others inferior
If they weren't a part of their scene

But these weren't the only Big-Beetches
That dwelt there in that land,
A minority there was to be seen
Fewer in number than the popular Beetches
And with one distinction between
On the backs of their heads
Twas printed instead
"One Genuine Kupikian"

Oh how the Kupikans pointed
Whenever they chanced to see them
They laughed and chortled and jeered
Reading loudly "Kupikian"
They acted so so mean
And mocked when they said
"You Big-Beetches are queer!
I'm sure I would die
With that big extra "i" 
I'm so glad I am a real Kupikan!"

Then turning up noses
And ruffling frilly clothes
They said "Come on girls
Let's hide from the sun
We don't want a tan
That's not Kupikan
Let's leave these Big-Beetches
Alone with their kin
Anyways, we declare a win"

So lifting their umbrellas 
And with their popular fellas
They shifted to their side of the land
The poor Big-Beetches Kupikians
Left alone in their part of the sand
Watched the others prance by
And they gloomily sighed
Then together they cried
"If there were only a way
To take it away
This darn cursed extra "i"
Then we'd be like the others
Our sisters and brothers
And together we'd all happily play!"

*cries all around, and in the distance, a sound*

Over the tall rolling dunes
As big as the moon
Came a crawling contraption
"What is this?"
Asked a small Kupikian
To her pal there beside her
"Me thinks it's a crab, or lobster perhaps
Or maybe a big metal spider"
But when it arrived
Tucked smartly inside
Out sprung a cute little man
"Hello, dear Big-Beetches
My name is "Harry"
And I've come with a plan
I've got a machine
The likes never seen
It takes just one Kupikian
(and a bit of your green)
And *pop* out comes a new Kupikan!

Now is there any among you
With a spare kupipoint or two
Who is willing to give it a try
It'll strip off that "i"
Twill be not much trouble
You'll hardly feel pain
Just step in this end
Step right up there my friend
And emerge one Genuine Kupikan"


Then all the Big-Beetches
Of the Kupikian kind
Looked there in total amaze
For their friend was now
a Genuine Kupikan
And he hardly seemed slightly less dazed

Then rushing and pushing into the big end
They raced each other without any more tarry
*pop* *pop* *pop* the machine went again and again
And scooping the cash up there was ol' Harry

Then the Big-Beetches ran down to their brothers
Saying "look there is no more "i" too!
*points to head*
Hurray! Now I'm a Genuine Kupikan
Not any more different from you!
And soon all the land was filled with them
And there wasn't a single Kupikian
Not one to be seen, for each one had all gone
Through Harry's big magic machine

But this would not do
No it would not do
These first Kupikans said to each other
We cannot tell who was Kupikian
And who is Kupikan 
so how can we distinguish our brother?

"Oh you hoo!" waved Harry
"Have I got just the solution you need
My magic "i" labeling gadget
Will make a new "i" for your head
And then you will plainly read
"One Genuine Kupikian"

So then once again,
You can tell Kupikian from Kupikan!"

"Hot dog!" they said and all rushed in,
And well the next thing you can just imagine
Two machines a going
In rushed Kupikian to strip their "i"
And Kupikans rushed in to get one sewn
Wasn't long until the money was gone
And then no one knew who was 
A Kupikan or a Kupikian

Then everyone was the same
Not knowing whence they came
Harry packed up and went away,
And well,
It's still the same there in that land today 
Kupikans and Kupikians
Father, mother, sister and brother
Silently judging one another.



-this resulted from the debate on whether Kupikan or Kupikian is the most proper term for
Kupika members.
-i used Dr. Seuss's story The Sneetches as inspiration
-beeches sounds like bitches on purpose ^^
-the character Harry Smuckerman is from another short story-poem Ive started (but left
unfinished) called "Harry Smuckerman and the McGuffinmaroo"
-"McGuffinmaroo" is inspired from the word "McGuffin" - a term coined by Alfred Hitchcock
to refer to any "thing" in a story that the plot revolves around (usually the characters
want to find it, steal it, etc.) especially when the actual thing isn't really especially
important to the storytelling
-i wrote "The Big Beetches" in one sitting in about an hour and a half

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