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[CRIT] Fucking Lame

8 July 2011, 07:56 AM   #1
Guest Poster
She was fucking lame.
And you know how I know she was fucking lame? Because anyone who brings a tuba to show and tell is fucking lame. I mean, who in their right mind would bring a tuba to class in hopes of being- somehow- a little more well liked, maybe even get some cool nickname in hopes of becoming just a teeny tiny bit more popular with her other class mates? I mean what was she actually thinking? That the huge 4 feet twisted glistening gold shell which twisted around her thinly sick pale body- which was completely washed out by that hideous daffy duck bright yellow gown which someone should’ve burned a looooonnngg time ago. So yes. As I said- that girl was fucking lame. No one will remember tuba girl unless you also want to remember that hideous bright saturated dress, and only another girl would remember something like that- to keep their spirits high. To remember that, “yes- I do have my share of bad hair days and such- but at least I know, for a fact, I will never be caught dead in something as bright, ugly, and over toned looking as this one girl back in 3rd grade did. That was just god awful.” I also suppose I should retract my last statement- I know some boys will remember me also. They’ll one day ponder on ‘stupid things that look stupid.’ Like most males do in- Idon’tknowsaytheirteenyears. They’ll be like- “oh yo, remember that girl who brought a fucking tuba to ‘show ‘n tell’ that time in 3rd grade. It was a century ago, I know, but still dude... STILL. It was just so fucking lame.” Yeah, I know. Oh, did I mention that those classmates were 3rd graders by the way. Those Sniffling, babbling, noes-picking, snot slinging, jumpy, over active, sticky, high pitched laughing, no good, illiterate, non-appreciative children monkeys! Oh, right- did I fail to mention that I was that ‘fucking lame girl’? Of course not- because you don’t start off your own diary by saying- “Hello, my name is Rebecca Kurt, and I’m fucking lame.” Seriously. That just hurts your fucking self-esteem. Now excuse me, diary, I’m going to go try and slit my wrists. Because as you can see, calling myself fucking lame in my own diary, and in my own head is - -- had just obliterated the rest of any and all my self esteem...

8 July 2011, 04:15 PM   #2
Guest Poster
This..Was very well written. Although, I'm not sure about the emotional side of the story. It doesn't seem to have enough depth.
Now excuse me, diary, I’m going to go try and slit my wrists.
While this does show emotion, I just don't see anyone writing this in their diary. Nobody. I do like the fact that it adds t the story, but really. I do like the story, but maybe add a little more feeling into it.

9 July 2011, 03:06 AM   #3
Guest Poster
I appreciate the critique~ Thanks, i was getting pretty ansty and was starting to think i was completely hopelesssss... EMOTION. I'll work on it- This story wasn't men't mean't to make readers sad though.. Or get over emotional for the girl. I was actually in a pretty goofy mood when i wrote this. So its definatly not mean't to be 'realistic' in anyway. Just - 'chuckle-ish' midnight humor. But ya, i totally see what your talking about. Its unrealistic, and lacks emotional connection. I don't plan on continuing but i'll make sure my next one is better. Thanks again!

31 July 2011, 09:50 PM   #4
Guest Poster
Actually, I would write that in my diary. I have written things similar to it, really.
And I find it pretty realistic & perfectly emotional.

Opinion, darlings, opinion.

1 August 2011, 08:12 PM    #5
Guest Poster
-eyes sparkle- Well thank you so much~! lol i'm glad that this is relatable to you and yet and the same time genuinly concerned.. This makes me really happy because i've been trying to grasp this whole ' more emotional & realistic' thing but idk, i find that my writting sounds more faked and rushed that way. :P Thanks again Screamo, i appreaciate your input~ Ya opinons i need to try and keep that in mind >> lol

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