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How I Miss the Clue???

27 August 2011, 06:21 AM   #1
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
She tried to make me mad at her so that I would just leave her, I didn't see it and
wonder what the heck she was doing?
I was confused and when I asked her she told me that was her plan...How did I miss that
When we talked, it was so empty. Like you are carrying a conversation with a stranger.
Though we where close enough
to tell each other things. But I guess that was her way of saying stay away...How did I
miss that Clue?
All the sudden she stopped talking to me at all, so I waited and still nothing...How did I
miss that clue?

Now that I think about it, it was her away of saying I don't want to talk to you any more,
that you should stop talking to me,
that I should just leave her alone and go away. I was no longer important in her life.
Yeah I got the clue now. I understand now
and I don't talk to her since she wont talk to me, I stopped waiting, I left her alone. 

Come to realize this thing called "Love" is just a 4 letter word that only lead you to
hurt and pain. That forever is just another
way of saying yesterday. Never trust anyone to get close to you, unless you like feeling
abandoned and hurt. That sometimes
its best to be the jerk and ass to protect yourself.  So I happen to be Ethan, that's my
way now.

27 September 2011, 12:22 AM   #2
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
 She said she wants you back, so how do you feel about her?"

I don't know, Part of me say 'yeah take her back' and the other part say 'kick her ass to
the curb.' I really don't know how I feel about her. Its kind of weird, as if I'm just in
someone else body and not sure what to feel. 

 Would you seek revenge? or something like that?

No, I think its pointless. I gotten over that, just don't feel anything.

 why take her back then?

I guess some part of me still "L" her, even with her big stupid mistakes. I really don't
know, self loathing? Enjoy being hurt? I really can't tell you. 

 Will you put 100% into this to make it work?

I don't know either, I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, haha it already
did. No, I think if I do put 100% in to it that one day down the road she might find
someone else to want to be with. Don't think it will be going over the same thing, I would
just talk away and what happen happens. So to answer your question, no not right now. 

 What if she did find someone later on, but then realized that was a mistake and come
back to you?

 There wouldn't be coming back to me. That me would be so far gone. And I wouldn't think I
would take her back. I wont stop being her friend. But as for more, don't think so. 

 You sound like you don't have much faith in her.

Yeah I do...but you see I have faith that she will find someone else or someone else will
come along. I look it as this way, I wont open myself  up to get hurt again, but knows
that its coming down the way. She said it wont but, saying and doing is too other thing. 

 Are you going to keep your promises? or make any new ones?

No, the promises where broken about a year ago. When she said "its over." Then when I
asked 'will we ever get back together?' She said 'I don't know', then 'you have to earn my
trust.'  Yeah, I thought about that alot for a long time. I felt that we didn't talk any
more and who trust was I earning when No body was there. Who would I be holding the
promise to, an empty space? So as I see it all Promises disappeared and I don't have to
keep anything. NO, I don't think I will be making promises to anyone again. I try to keep
my word, but when the other person don't  then you are left with promises to no one, but
yourself. And its hard to propose to thin air.... 

 Do you think she ever read this? 

I doubt it she hardly on and no body signs up to this club.... its my personal rant and

26 October 2011, 05:33 AM   #3
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
We talk every day, just about. I admit its good to talk to her, she brings me happiness,
a smile on my face that haven't been there for a while. I know I expect the best but brace
for the worse, if that day ever comes. I can say I do love her. I know I'm so leaving
myself open, inviting for her to rip out my heart if she wanted to. I take that chance
now. I been there in the darkness, in that hell and it doesn't bother me that much any
more.  Will see what happens. 

But I do wonder if I make her happy, sometimes i feel she doesn't trust me to tell me
whats on her mind. I know I can feel it, but I think its mostly that she don't want me to
worry about her or get involved. That I might just give her advice like some adult and not
listen to her. yeah I admit sometime I just try to fix things to try to help make people
feel better. And the face is that sometime you can't help that all the advice in the world
wont help. All I can do is just listen and hold her (even if not in person but in my heart
I am holding her). 

I don't know maybe I'm just pouring my thoughts out, to you, me, not one to share them
with except for myself and its fine. Sometimes it better for me to just give all my
secrets away here to myself. 

another day and another smile because she makes me smile inside.

28 October 2011, 02:25 AM   #4
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
Was it so hard for her to talk to me about things? She told me she was going to france,
austria, and italy this summer on the June 20th. But it took her a while to tell me. She
said she was accepted. And wouldn't say much about it. That it was for credit. I don't
know, I'm once again kind of left in the dark. 
Is she afraid of telling me things? Do I scare her that much where she think, I wouldn't
love her or just say something to her?

i don't know, kind of lost on this one.

30 October 2011, 01:10 AM   #5
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16

*look in Mirror*

1 November 2011, 05:23 AM   #6
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
Don't even know who i am any more..I pull off that smiling mask and find another smiling
mask. Each time i pull one off another smiling mask there to replace the first one, to
hide what lays underneath. How can I move forward when all i see is this dam smiling faces
staring back at me in the mirror. When I know, I'm not smiling. I bleed inside and can't
let it out, only hide behind a mask. Never to show anyone, never to show myself.

2 November 2011, 07:40 AM   #7
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
I have admit that I have flaws and one that she don't lime is jealousy. I just go nuts
when other guys talk to her. They play and laugh as if I am not even there. I go insanely
jealous. Don't they know she taken that she is mines. No they just play. But I wonder do
she tell them she not single? That she has someone in her life?

Maybe I'm obsessing.

1 March 2012, 04:37 AM    #8
The Founder
Joined: 4 Jul 2011
Posts: 16
Wow she lied to me about alot of things there... or didn't tell me the truth....
its like now I don't know who the hell she is. Hmmmm Really can I trust a person like
that? Someone that 
hides the truth?  What was I fucking thinking? I knew it, that part of me fucking knew it.

Fuck me!!!!!!

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