"Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close
the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them
"Ladies and Gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now
witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's
mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it
instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously
bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed
social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for
the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless
notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them...
they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor
pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment?
I'm afraid the sad answer is, "Not very well". Faced with the
inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless,
one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can
blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response
would be crazy!"
"See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night,
one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more.
They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the
roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of
the town, stretching away in the moonlight...stretching away to
freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem.
But his friend, his friend daredn't make the leap. Y'see...y'see, he's
afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea...He says 'Hey!
I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the
buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second
guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... he says 'What do you think I
am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'"
"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did
so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and
send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my
point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone
else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to
lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.
You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a
bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a
flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody
else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life
makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you
make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what
you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by
some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that...
Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly
sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes
another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple
choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I
saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I
admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must
see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've
come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer
screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument
over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors!
Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody
ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So
why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?"