Monday, 16 June 2014
08:19:31 PM (GMT)
This is a short story I wrote in my creative writing class this past school year.
The assignment was to take a popular children's story (in my case Willy Wonka and the
Chocolate Factory) and change the tone of the story. I felt like I did alright and I
thought I might as well share it. I don't know if anyone will read it since it's so
long, but oh well. Thanks if you do. Sorry if there are a few grammatical errors here
and there. I didn't go back through, I just copied and pasted. It had a few tiny
errors when my teacher gave it back to me. Hopefully it won't distract you too much.
Here it is.
There was a little factory in a little town owned by a man by the name of Willy
Wonka. The workers—formally known as Oompa Loompas— help Mr. Wonka by doing all
the hard work while he sits back and pretends like he’s doing something with his
time. All The Oompa Loompas seem to have a happy disposition as they pour sugar into
the overly extravagant chocolate river, but for many of them, happy is the opposite
of what they’re feeling.
An Oompa Loompa, called 158, was looking around at his surroundings one day,
pondering about where his life had taken him. He didn’t like any of it. He was
supposed to be helping 87, 92, and 21 with setting up the final details of the
“candy land” but he was just leaning against the stem of one of the chocolate
mushrooms. Shielding himself from obvious view, he took hold of a heap of grass and
shoved it into his mouth. It tasted like chalk. Chocolate and other sweets had just
about lost all of their taste to the Oompa Loompas many years ago, but still they ate
it. Something with no taste was better than nothing at all.
While sitting under the mushroom, 158 was thinking about his childhood. He was
remembering his home in Loompa Land. Though Loompa Land was a dark jungle crawling
with terrifying beasts, he was happy. His family always had food on the table and
protected him from all of the creatures that tried to eat him. But then it happened.
On a seemingly normal, humid summer evening, the elders of Loompa Land called a
meeting that everyone was forced to attend. All 320 Oompa Loompas gathered around the
small stage, upon which the elders stood with a strange, unfamiliar man. He was very
tall— about two and half Oompa Loompas— and was wearing a bright purple coat on
top of a button down shirt and a vest. His large top hat was the same color as his
khaki corduroy trousers. He deviously looked over them, obviously with unpleasant
intentions. Once the citizens were gathered the leader, by the name of Sari, spoke
with his booming voice, “As many of you may have noticed we have a visitor and I do
hope you will treat him with the utmost respect. He has come a long way hoping to
find exotic flavors to use in the candy he makes. See, this man owns a factory where
they make chocolate and other sweet goods.” The faces of everyone in the audience
lit up with excitement, hoping he brought samples for them to taste. Oompa Loompas
believe that the cocoa bean is a sacred item. It is so rare that they have
celebrations once a month, in the hopes that more cocoa beans would appear nearby the
village. Sari went on to say, “Tomorrow night we will be having a village feast to
celebrate this man by the name of Mr. Wonka. We—.“ Mr. Wonka interrupted, “Oh I
am so very sorry, but I’m afraid I will only be here for one night and will be
leaving in the morning.” His tone was very unsettling and made some of the people
feel quite uncomfortable.
“Oh, very well then. We do appreciate your visit anyway though.” He turned to the
audience and said, “You may all go to your homes now. Have a good evening.” He
then turned back to Wonka and softly said, “We shall speak in my home once everyone
else has safely returned home.”
In Sari’s home, he and Wonka sat at a table and discussed business. Mr. Wonka came
to this small jungle village with a proposition for Sari. He wanted Oompa Loompas to
work for him at the factory. They would receive all the chocolate they wanted as
their pay. As he told Sari of his plan, the Oompa Loompa thought it was quite a
wonderful idea, that is, until Wonka got to the terms and conditions of the deal. He
wished for only the strongest of the 320 citizens. This would mean families would be
split up with women, girls, the sick, and the elderly remaining in the jungle and the
young boys and men being moved to a faraway land. Sari would not have this and he
knew that no one else would either, so he kindly rejected and Wonka seemed to
understand his views. He said thank you and left the small house.
Early the next morning many Oompa Loompas awoke in a distraught state. All around
them was fire and smoke; the fumes were choking many of them and some who were weaker
collapsed on the ground, dead. Those that woke up in time to escape the destruction
of their homes ran to the village center, hoping desperately for some sort of
assistance. But, the only assistance they were to receive was that of masked men
holding guns and flame throwers. Other men were holding nets and catching every tiny
person that ran by them. When they thought they caught all of them they went through
all of the large nets full of small people and selected the strongest men and boys.
They were thrown into the back of a large truck and were confined in this prison for
five days with no food until they reached their destination. None of the Oompa
Loompas saw what happened to those who were left behind, but in their mind, images of
helpless people being picked apart by the beasts roaming the jungle riddled their
mind every single day. Even an unlimited supply of chocolate doesn’t ease the pain
of mothers, sisters, children, and grandparents being neglected and killed.
158 was jostled awake by 92 warning him that Wonka was coming with the children and
they needed to leave. He ran as fast as his small legs could take him behind the
chocolate river where he hid behind a plastic door disguised as a rock. Moments later
he heard Wonka talking to the children and singing a jolly tune. 158 was then pushed
aside as 21 and 39 carried sugar out of the door. He glanced out just in time to see
Wonka glare at the two carrying the sugar menacingly. 158 decided he should go back
to his old station making fudge. It was on the other side of the factory.
As he was walking to the stairwell he took a shortcut through the taffy room. He
hated going through rooms where he saw others working, but it cut fifteen minutes of
his trek to the fudge station. In the taffy room he walked quickly, but he couldn’t
escape seeing the prisoners of this room. He saw his friend, 50, and nearly began
weeping. As he glanced over to him he saw the constraints on his ankles that have
caused the skin to peel away around them. The floor around him was masked by old,
rotten taffy, in which he was sitting in. He was resting his head against the rusty
pole that held up the conveyer belt, but he bolted right up and continued to work as
he heard me close the door.
When 158 finally got to his post he saw many of his co-workers crowded around the
old pot where the chocolate is stored when it comes from the river. It had a few
streaks of red in it as it was poured. Soon after they noticed the streaks, a
corpulent body dropped from the pipe and lay in the chocolate face down, not moving.
The body was nearly unrecognizable, but the Oompa Loompas knew it was far too large
to be one of them. Though horrific sights were not uncommon here, this one surprised
them for a few moments since it wasn’t an Oompa Loompa, but then they just took out
the body, filtered the chocolate, and went on with their jobs.
The sight of the dead, fat body in the morning was an oddity indeed, but even
stranger, there were similar instances occurring all day. In the juicing room, a
young girl, who puffed up like a large blueberry, exploded and her entrails were
splattered all around the room. A burnt corpse was found later in the garbage shoot
and a very little boy was found trampled near the TV room. Horrors are not
uncommon to the chocolate factory, but nothing to this extent.
Walking to the sleeping room later that night, 158 was being cautious as to not wake
Mr. Wonka. He had to walk by his room in order to get to the sleeping quarters. As he
softly walked by the room, he saw light under the door crack. He decided to ignore it
and walked to the bedroom.
As he walked to his cot, which was placed next to 50’s, he sat down and observed
the dirty blankets, pillows and floor. The room was very dark, with only a single
light bulb to illuminate the entire space. The cots were placed close together and
under each one was the few processions every Oompa Loompa owned: a pair of pants, a
shirt, and a brush.
He was looking around for 50 so they could talk as they normally did, but he was
nowhere to be found. While scanning the room, he looked at every single one of the
160 cots hoping to find him, only to discover that he wasn’t there. He asked a few
co-workers if they had seen him and they all said they hadn’t, except one. 103 said
to him, “Yeah, I know what happened to him. Mr. Wonka took him away right after the
tour was over. You know what happens when he takes someone.” 158 panicked and wept
so hard, his tears cleaned some of the dirt off of the floor. He spent ten minutes
crying his eyes out, but then he realized he needed to do something. He needed to see
158 crept quietly into the hallway by Wonka’s door. The light was still shining
under the door and it was cracked open slightly. He peered in, hoping no one would
catch him. The heavy breathing of Mr. Wonka assured him he was okay to open the door
a bit more, so he did. A horrifying sight met him as he pushed open the door. A cage
in the corner of the room was filled with people who were tall and unfamiliar, except
for one. 50. 158 gasped at the sights he saw within the room. Blood was splattered on
the white walls near the cage and the people within it were missing random limbs. He
wasn’t even sure if they were still alive until he saw a young boy and an old man
shift from their positions. The areas where their legs should be wiggled slightly as
if they didn’t the actually legs were missing.
When 50 opened his eyes, 158 felt a huge sense of relief and agony. Seeing a small
Oompa Loompa smile at you would normally be the most beautiful thing in the world,
but it was destroyed by the caked blood, matted hair, and missing legs.
50 pointed to the opposite corner of the room, revealing the large pile of severed
body parts that Wonka had hacked off. Nearby was a small table with rusted medical
instruments and next to that was a stove with a boiling pot of water. A red color was
also shining through the oven below it. As much as he wanted to aid the feeble
people, 158 knew he was absolutely helpless and 50 knew that as well. 50 told him,
with the look in his eyes that it was okay. He knew that nothing could be done and he
accepts his soon-to-be fate. 158 shot him one more apologetic glance as he closed the
door. As he did this, he heard the heavy breathing coming from Wonka cease.
The next morning, 77 was the first one to awaken from his slumber. When he sat up in
bed, he grabbed his hair brush and ran it through his curly hair. While working on a
particularly knotted chunk of hair, he looked to the ground on his left and saw a
As he looked up from where the shadow was, he saw tiny feet about six inches above
the ground. Continuing up, he could see short, stubby legs connected to a torso. The
face of this body belonged to 158. Around his neck seemed to be a pair of pants that
were fashioned into a makeshift noose. The noose was attached to a shirt that was
tied tightly around a low pipe.
77 walked over to the limp body, staring up at it with glossy eyes. Many Oompa
Loompas have died, but none at their own will. He looked up and down the entire body
until he spotted a piece of parchment. Quickly scrawled with what seemed to be
chocolate was one sentence:
“50 couldn’t save himself…
but I could."
Last edited: 16 June 2014