Monday, 17 October 2011
03:53:34 AM (GMT)
I'm thinking I may have social anxiety disorder. not severely, but still. Because, I
was looking at some things...
I always have to carry something when I walk because I don't know what to do with my
hands. Icebreaker games terrify the shit out of me. I'm afraid to raise my hand in
class because when I get called on, I sit there and the words won't come out of my
And a whole bunch of similiar things. Including how I use the internet as a crutch,
to not go out and do things.
It's not bad when I'm with good friends. Like Emma, and Denise, and such. Around
friends, I'm fine, I can be outgoing. But...with people I don't know,
EVERYONE SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING.
The other day, this lady was observing my chemistry class, and we were sitting doing
a worksheet, and she comes up to me, for some reason she chooses me, and asks me what
we're doing here. So, I try to answer her, and words don't come out of my mouth.
Nope. Just weird noises and breathing abnormally. So after about 45 seconds
of her just standing there, watching me have a fucking PANIC ATTACK, I start
CRYING. CRYING. You see, this is when the guy next to me comes to my rescue and
answers her and she nods and walks away, all weirded out. I wanted to fucking bear
hug him for saving me. But instead I just squeak, "Thanks." and wipe the tears from
my eyes and continue with what I'm doing.
I didn't even bring it up later to Emma or Denise later like I usually do with that
sort of thing and laugh about it, because I couldn't even laugh about it until now,
because I was so fucking upset.
Oh, and the other day in speech class, I was giving a presentation, and I thought for
sure I was speaking loud enough.
Apparently I was whispering the whole time and nobody could hear me.
Last edited: 17 October 2011