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This diary entry is written by ‹~AsianNekoianNinja~›. ( View all entries )
 
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"Forever or Never" Chapter OneCategory: "Forever or Never"- Kevin Duong
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
07:01:13 AM (GMT)
Alicia is in her room, reading a book about the supernatural. She's finishing up the
last page as a thought when through her mind. Are supernatural beings real?
She thought to herself. She got up from her bed and looked online for some facts.
There were some rumors and pictures, but in the year 2025, anything can be faked. She
didn't know what to do, so she went to the smart person she knows. Her father.

Alicia finds her father in the kitchen, finishing up dinner with the robot. She
noticed that her father always like to do the things robots were made to do, like
laundry or cooking. The scent of chicken filled her nose, making her mouth water a
little.

"Is that roast chicken!?" Alicia cried out. 
"Yeah I just got a recipe from a book I found yesterday." Her father replied.

Alicia smiled and sat down at the table. Her father was an archaeologist that studied
WW3, that happened in 2012. She almost forgot the question she had for her father.

"Dad, are supernatural real?" Alicia said, a bit nonchalantly.
Her father looked at for a moment and answered, "You didn't know? I though the secret
was out."
"So they are real?" She asked again with curiosity in her voice.
"Yeah they are." He answered quickly, with a slight frown on his face.
"How do you know?" She questioned, seeing the frown on his face made her more
curious.
"Why are you asking these questions anyway? A 16-year old girl like you doesn't need
to know." He said, raising his voice.
Alicia just grinned and put on a innocent look on her face. She knew her father too
well and he never dodges a question with a personal reason behind it.
"I just want to know..." Alicia said, saddening her voice a little. Her father was a
sucker for anything cute and sad, he would do almost anything to make it happy.
"Fine, but after dinner." Her father replied, sticking a fork in her food.

Comments 
‹✬Kaybell❣› says:   29 June 2011   105280  
Alicia is in her room, reading a book about the supernatural. She's finishing up the last page as a thought when through her mind. Are supernatural beings real? She thought to herself. <--You repeated what you said in the sentence before, so this isn't neccessary. She got up from her bed and looked online for some facts. There were some rumors and pictures, but in the year 2025, anything can be faked. She didn't know what to do, so she went to the smart person she knows. Her father.
In the middle of the second paragraph you switch from present tense to past tense. Spell out the number sixteen. You spell out all numbers when writing anything unless it's after one hundred. And, I, personally, would add a few details and something in the being to what got her reading a book of the supernatural. Just to catch attention of more people. It's good though. ^-^ Keep it up~
 
‹~AsianNekoianNinja~› says:   29 June 2011   737862  
@Crescent_Darkness 
Thank you for the constructive criticism. I Appreciate it.
I though the first comment was going to be flame on my first story. I
guess i was wrong. 
 
‹✬Kaybell❣› says:   29 June 2011   323089  
@DAHKiller 
It's a habit thing, sorry. :L

If you get further on into the story, there is no doubt the first one
would be one. I have faith in you, dear~ 
 
‹❤~茶いお~様› says :   30 June 2011   806791  
nice, can't wait for more.
 

 
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