Thursday, 31 March 2011
11:12:00 PM (GMT)
I've noticed something about people. When their lives fall apart and they get
depressed, they seem to go slightly crazy, because even if you offer them a way out,
they're too afraid to take it. Because when you're basically running on empty. And
the only reason you're still functioning is because you've burried yourself so deep
into so many lies. It's like when you're at the dentist. And you're getting your
teeth drilled. And it hurts like hell right? But there's nothing you can do but lay
there and take it. So you lie to yourself. You tell yourself no, the dentist's not a
sadist, and of coarse, he's almost done, and yes, the pain will end soon. And because
you've convinced yourself that it's almost over, you're able to endure those last few
hours of agony, as long as you say, It's almost over, it's almost over.
Okay. But say the pain doesn't stop. Say it goes on and on. And the lies wearing
Say every day it gets worse and you tell yourself you're going to kill yourself
because it's comforting, it's comforting to be able to look up and see an ending
ahead. You know, of coarse, that you'll never actually go through with it
But the lie's getting old, and if you keep expecting an end, you want an end.
So... You look for ends. Self medication is probably your first option. But maybe by
now, all that's old news. Maybe you've tried drugs or self harm before, and it
doesn't work for you. Hell, maybe that's what got you here in the first place. So you
realize, that, yes, yes you do want to die. You want a way out. So... You keep this
thought with you, and soon enough, death is all you can think about.
But then, someone offers you a way out, whatever it may be; a doctor's help;
religion; a friendship. But you aren't looking for that anymore. The only way you can
see to get out of this is death. You probably feel hopeless, maybe even lazy. It's so
much work to find a doctor or take up a religion, or get on good terms with
new people. And it probably doesn't help matters that you most likely aren't very
fond of yourself. And then there are the doubts; God doesn't want me. People don't
want me. I don't want me. How can it ever get better? You look up and all you see
ahead of you is death. It's pointless, isn't it? You're here; theres no going back.
Well the problem with that is, death is full if false promises. Death, in theory, is
long and dark and quiet. It's restful, it's merciful, it's sleep. Right? ... Wrong.
Death is a transition between worlds; to simplify it, death occurs when your body is
too broken to hold your soul. You, of coarse, are a soul, not a body. So you never
really die, exactly. You dont end. You just relocate.
But then, it isn't uncommon for suicidal people to want to go to hell. They
hate themselves, they aren't afraid of pain, they're used to it, they feel there's
nothing they can do about their fate. It's inevitable. So they choose to close their
eyes and accept it.
And what about when the person you love most in the world dies? What if they went to
hell? Can you save them? If you believe you'll go to heaven, would you trade places
with them? Would God even allow such a thing? Or would you simply join them in hell,
let them know you love them and want to be with them forever, even here? But hell is
bound to be a big place. Can you even find them? And in heaven you get a new body.
But in what about hell? Are you just a naked soul? With no mind to brace yourself for
the pain? Can you love without your mind? As a soul, are you pure emotion? Do you
still love? Or are your emotions stripped away, and you feel nothing but pain?
And what if even when you're alive, you cannot love? You don't feel remorse or guilt,
you're only concerned with your own life, everyone else can go die, and have fun
What if the two people you love most were going to go to hell? And you could only
What if we're all already dead? What if this is all just a dream? What if no one is
really real? What if... Okay, I'd better stop there, I'm going to go crazy thinking
But honestly? What are you supposed to do?
Last edited: 31 March 2011