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Bo Burnham.Category: Music and Stuff
Friday, 3 July 2009
12:45:15 AM (GMT)
I love you like kings love queens
Like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans
I need you like New Orleans needs a drought
Like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out

And I want you
Yeah, like a Lawyer/Mathematician wants some kind of proof
And I want you
Yeah, like JFK wanted a car with a roof

Because love is taking that dive
Then, getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
And love is a real life porn
Minus all the stuff that makes porn cool

And love is a homeless guy
Searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and
Finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate
Even though he's heart broken, he can't complain cuz he was hungry in the first

Because I love you like Dora loves maps
Like the pope's toilet loves holy craps... (that's a little one)
I need you like a voyeur needs a branch
Like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland Ranch

And I want you
Yeah, like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same, never want to conform
And I want you like Anne Frank wanted nobody to read her FUCKING diary
Cuz a diary is a collection of secret things that no one's supposed to know, that's
the whole point of a diary. Millions of people have breached this little girls
privacy after she was chased by Nazis... kick her while she's down

And if we met in 10,000 BC
I was your caveman, yous my cavelady
If we got hot, we'd start rubbing
If we got hungry, we'd go clubbing
There's willy mammoths, but I will protect us
You're making me devolve to a homo erectus, mothafucker

And if we met in 1780
I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark-skinned
servant lady... slave
Whenever I could get away from the Missus
I go to your shed, and then I'd steal you kisses
But let's be serious, I'd still work you full-time as a slave, there's a difference
between romantic language and complete disregard for social economic trends

And id we met in 1941
I was a Nazi, yous a Gypsy on the run (that's a little redundant)
That... probably wouldn't have worked out...

Love is your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner
And love is the Holocaust, if you don't die quick, and you don't get thinner
And love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles
And even though you started with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape
Now, you don't want to reduce it at all cause if the rape rate declines, you'll see
an equal decline in whistle sales
Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles?

Yeahhhh, love is all about... Whistles. Thank you.

That one was a bit vulgar, but ah, ya know, dicks and vaginas is sorta like Coke and
Pepsi, ya know? Ah, I strongly prefer one, but my Dad thinks they taste the same.

NikkiDee says:   3 July 2009   622944  
saralyn247 says:   3 July 2009   634279  
I DO EH. <3
‹A role to play› whispers:   3 July 2009   483768  
Agreed. Love is totally about whistles. o_e
‹Jameson Tokes› says:   3 July 2009   336335  
I love this poem. :]
saralyn247 says:   3 July 2009   397881  
Jess: IT IS.

Shakespeare: It's a song. :B
‹innocentasarose♥› says:   6 July 2009   399658  
I love Bo Burnham.
saralyn247 says :   6 July 2009   448867  
>D He's brilliant.

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