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This diary entry is written by stargirl_43. ( View all entries )

Nobody wants to be alone in the worldCategory: (general)
Thursday, 5 March 2009
02:04:37 AM (GMT)
I have been learning lots of stuff this past year. some i really wish i had never
learned, but its really obvious. i wish with all my heart that i could change it. i
feel really ignored by my friends. like I'm just sort of there, and not really part
of the group. sure they include me in stuff, but when it all comes down to it, they
talk about stuff and then won't tell me, which makes me feel more left out, and
invite me for stuff after they have done it, like seeing the twilight movie for the
first time. i had the chance to go on the release date, but i didn't, hoping to honor
our group pact that we would all go together. next day, that was destroyed when
everyone went but me. i got stuck at home doing stupid stuff, like cleaning. sure,
they invited me the SECOND time they went, but that's not the same is it?? and when i
couldn't come, they went again anyways. why does this have to hurt so much?? why does
life have to be mean? just cause i push people away so that they wont get hurt, does
that mean i don't get friends??? if that's true, life is a jerk. and all those nice
swear words i can't put down, even if i wanted to. they never phone me, never ask if
i want to come with them, and my absolute best friend is ignoring me for her
boyfriend. i warned her, don't just hang out with your boyfriend, cause when you
break up, it'll hurt all the more if there are no friends there to support you, but i
hardly see her anymore. its making me really sad. and my other friend is what you'd
say "needs anger management" she can be nice sometimes, but others... just stay out
of her way. i can make her happy again, and i guess that's all I'm really good for.
and pestering. i try so hard, and i don't fit in anywhere. the guy i like is my best
guy friend in a long time, and my liking him is killing our friendship. I'm trying so
hard to stop, but love doesn't like to be silenced. i didn't want to love him in the
first place. that was the thing. now I've done some embarrassing stuff, and he's been
staying away, and only now coming back as my friend, where I'd like him to stay. I'm
always stuck on the fringe, and that makes me really upset. I've thought about what
would happen if i died, [not that I'd commit suicide or anything, 'cause taking your
life is wrong] and i figure no one would come. no one. maybe my mom and the rest of
my family if there still alive, but i dont think many of my friends would come. maybe
the twins and my guy friends, but no one else. i haven't found anyone to love, and
everyone else has. well, almost everyone. but its making me upset. i feel so alone
and left out. 

this is a DIARY ENTRY and does not require any rude commentary. so keep the words out
of the box and put them somewhere where someone who actually wants to read them is.

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