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This diary entry is written by neoeno. ( View all entries )
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There was evening and there was morning, a fifth day.Category: emo
Monday, 9 June 2008
12:41:08 AM (GMT)
So.. five days.

The Longest Time.

I've been accused of all sorts in the past few days. It makes me wonder what image I
project. Is it possible I'm speaking in a language with all the same words as English
but an entirely different meaning? Technically, yes, likely, no, but it's an
interesting possibility. I digress.... I do seem to manage to project some kind of
nice image, evident recently with my new profile, I've had a few new people jump into
my head, so what is it that causes some people to perceive me as vile?

I can't believe I am as vile as I've been accused. Sometimes it's difficult to trust
yourself, but I do have good intentions. I do _try_ to be the best person I can, I
_do_ want the best for other people, in general as well as specifically. Why doesn't
this get across to other people? 

I can be a bit hard on myself sometimes, which is ironic considering another vice of
mine is arrogance, so maybe the fault isn't with me. I'm sure there are things I
could have done better, however. There are two main things preying on my mind at the

The first, and least important, is that if arguments. How can one most effectively
defuse an argument without compromising oneself? I have the strategies of bailing out
by communicating that This Will Be My Last Post, and that works pretty well for
keeping things to the minimum they need to be. I can avoid descending into more petty
things that way. One thing I've learned though: keep to the subject, don't let anyone
divert you at all costs. You must be in control of the subject, otherwise you're
fighting uphill. If someone ignores your key argument, bring them back to it in a way
they can't avoid (making it your only point in the next post for example). That's
difficult for me, since I'm a writer (ehh) and so brevity (to the point of
sacrificing subject matter) isn't my forte. I think this is a very important lesson,
and one I had an idea about before, but now it's more clearly in focus I should be
able to use it as a tool.

The second is about honesty. The question comes down to this, a quote I'm stealing
from a bit of anarchist propaganda on adultery:
    I lie to you because I don't know how to communicate this truth to you. Should I tell it in the words by which I would apprehend it myself, even if you will interpret them to designate something entirely different? Or should I tell with words I hope will make you feel the way I believe you would feel if I could somehow convey it to you wordlessly and without distortion? Which is honesty? Which is lie?"
That's it, really. Recently, literal honesty hasn't been getting me very far. Not in friendships, not in general discourse. It would be so easy if I could just... let people inside my head, so they could see what's going on for themselves. If you ever feel like giving up and letting the world just wash over you, a passive rock in a vast sea, good enough only for erosion, don't do it. When Dylan Thomas spoke of the dying of the light, he was talking about the one in your eyes.
Last edited: 10 June 2008

neoeno says:   9 June 2008   151824  
And I've lost a star?

That's just adding insult to injury...
electroconvulsive says:   9 June 2008   962224  
Breaking news:

It has nothing to do with honesty, it is the pompous arrogance you
exude when proclaiming you are the holy one with the only truth; the
only one who has the conviction and strength of character to tell
people how wrong they are.

Prey not for anarchy, but for a well regulated government with true
rule of law, otherwise you will end up stuck in the crevices of
someone's boot, probably mine.
neoeno says:   9 June 2008   291745  
Is there anything else you'd like to say?
electroconvulsive says:   10 June 2008   587279  
Sure, why not since you asked, 

I read much of your writings, you are living in a gigantic
generalization for a life, and even one for a world. 

You are a bitter person, bitter at those who seem more popular than
you, bitter at those who teased and beat you up as a kid. 

You cling to the feminine side of yourself because it is so hard to
hold on to that which is challenged, masculentity is not something you
need to defend, nor is femenity; you make the same mistake people who
beat up fags do, the belief that femininity is something to be
defeated, for you this would be masculinity.

Your world is upside down, in part to be different, to proclaim
individuality, to show you are elite, that you can do something the
common man can't.
Your entire self and being seems to be caught in this rather noxious
neocharacter of a human being. 
Not understanding being yourself does not mean what you wear, or how
you talk or what you do, or even an alias you have picked, it's how
you relate to and interact with those around you.

On that note I would say you FAIL
neoeno says:   10 June 2008   265678  
Anything else?
‹ruthie .› says:   10 June 2008   476654  
I don't want to interfere where I am not wantined but
electroconvulsive seems like an idiot. 
  I very much enjoy reading your diary entrys and agree with a lot
that you have to say. 
I know that I'm arrogant but I see a lot of ignorance, and I would
rather be arrogant than ignorant.
Craven says:   11 June 2008   552238  
Well put, Eloquence. I second that. It seems to me that
electroconvulsive is pretty bitter himself. Why are you bent on
attacking someone's view of the world? Why are you intent on pointing
out the flaws in it? How can you draw conclusions from something that
is in itself very general. From any point of view you can draw
conclusions that don't exist or may not apply to everyone.

Don't answer those questions, they were rhetoric.  
By the way, I think YOU FAIL. Here! Have a fail-cookie! *gives cookie*
saralyn247 says:   15 June 2008   941958  
I also agree with Eloquence, and Craven too. Though I heven't been
able to get to know you well yet, I think you're a great person to
talk to and I enjoy your diaries. I can really relate to what you said
about being hard on yourself... everyone says I'm too hard on myself,
but I am because I don't want to seem arrogant and most of the time
I'm not proud of myself, so why pretend I am? Electroconvulsive: This
is so pointless. Do you need to point out, and even search for, every
little flaw you can find in him? Everyone has flaws, and I've found
many in you.
saralyn247 says :   6 September 2008   522327  
^ Wow, that was quite a ramble for me. xD


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