This diary entry is written by neoeno. ( View all entries )
|There was evening and there was morning, a fifth day.||Category: emo|
Monday, 9 June 2008
12:41:08 AM (GMT)
So.. five days.
The Longest Time.
I've been accused of all sorts in the past few days. It makes me wonder what image I
project. Is it possible I'm speaking in a language with all the same words as English
but an entirely different meaning? Technically, yes, likely, no, but it's an
interesting possibility. I digress.... I do seem to manage to project some kind of
nice image, evident recently with my new profile, I've had a few new people jump into
my head, so what is it that causes some people to perceive me as vile?
I can't believe I am as vile as I've been accused. Sometimes it's difficult to trust
yourself, but I do have good intentions. I do _try_ to be the best person I can, I
_do_ want the best for other people, in general as well as specifically. Why doesn't
this get across to other people?
I can be a bit hard on myself sometimes, which is ironic considering another vice of
mine is arrogance, so maybe the fault isn't with me. I'm sure there are things I
could have done better, however. There are two main things preying on my mind at the
The first, and least important, is that if arguments. How can one most effectively
defuse an argument without compromising oneself? I have the strategies of bailing out
by communicating that This Will Be My Last Post, and that works pretty well for
keeping things to the minimum they need to be. I can avoid descending into more petty
things that way. One thing I've learned though: keep to the subject, don't let anyone
divert you at all costs. You must be in control of the subject, otherwise you're
fighting uphill. If someone ignores your key argument, bring them back to it in a way
they can't avoid (making it your only point in the next post for example). That's
difficult for me, since I'm a writer (ehh) and so brevity (to the point of
sacrificing subject matter) isn't my forte. I think this is a very important lesson,
and one I had an idea about before, but now it's more clearly in focus I should be
able to use it as a tool.
The second is about honesty. The question comes down to this, a quote I'm stealing
from a bit of anarchist propaganda on adultery:
I lie to you because I don't know how to communicate this truth to
you. Should I tell it in the words by which I would apprehend it myself, even if
you will interpret them to designate something entirely different? Or should I tell
with words I hope will make you feel the way I believe you would feel if I could
somehow convey it to you wordlessly and without distortion? Which is honesty? Which
That's it, really. Recently, literal honesty hasn't been getting me very far. Not in
friendships, not in general discourse. It would be so easy if I could just... let
people inside my head, so they could see what's going on for themselves.
If you ever feel like giving up and letting the world just wash over you, a passive
rock in a vast sea, good enough only for erosion, don't do it. When Dylan Thomas
spoke of the dying of the light, he was talking about the one in your eyes.
Last edited: 10 June 2008
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