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This diary entry is written by DoOp. ( View all entries )
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Why do I feel sad?Category: (general)
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
05:01:46 AM (GMT)
 Don't read ^^;; These are just travial thoughts. 

It's weird, this feeling.  One day I'd be the happiest girl alive adn the next I feel
like a fool who could just jump off a cliff and live happily ever after.  I like to
keep my emotions bottled up, I don't think anyone would understand me because I'm
so...afraid.  I'm frightened of what the world will bring me and what they'll say to
me.  I don't want to say something wrong no something stupid.  I want to be smart,
brilliant, lovely, beautiful.  I know I'm not one of these....some days i'll complain
and others I'll never take note.  Why is this? All my emotions are so wild and crazy,
my hormones drive me to my wits end.  I've though about killing myself multiple
times, I thought about hurting people many times as well... but at the same time I'd
think about those I love and those I want to work hard for or perhaps that's out of
my own selfish reasons to get what I want. I want to make you smile because it'll
make me feel better aobut myself as a person rather then make you smile because I
want to see you happy.  I'm a disgusting person and I know it's true.  I know at
times my art will reflet this person I am, I want to draw so badly.   I want to be a
great artist yet I slack off.  I want to be a great mind in this world and to make an
impact that'll forever be ecched in the history books... but don't we all want to be
someone special? someone people will recognize and go, "I know that person, they're
really nice, sweet and over all the best person you'll never get to know!"  Is this a
selfish purpose to say? yes! It is and I deserve to slap myself for thinking this
way...but what if I never had any motivation to get things done for myself...Will I
ever get anything done? Will I ever achieve anything in life?  I think back now and I
really do enjoy making people smile because when people smile, I can smile proudly
and say how I've made someone's day better.  I do try to do things that'll make your
life happier or at least...be different enough so that I can seem like a somebody
while also achieving some sort of self recognition.

I'm still trying to find who I am and...I'm still very sad about myself...but I'll
get happier again, the brighter side always shines for me and us all : )  I just need
to stop thinking so much.


Frizzette says:   28 November 2007   391266  
*gives hug*
DoOp says:   28 November 2007   219427  
o: ! -hug- :3
mextreehugger says:   28 November 2007   678898  
Ooo that's how I feel! :3 Stoopid hormones. > >
 I try to always be the girl who smiles. :
mextreehugger says:   28 November 2007   675587  
mextreehugger says:   28 November 2007   977684  
 Oh noes now I'm spammeh...
xExotic says:   28 November 2007   494322  
Poor Doop MgGoop D:
xExotic says:   28 November 2007   183769  
Ciel_Kitty says:   28 November 2007   954558  
my feelings are so different each day, im sad one day, and the next
day....im juping of happiness 8_8
its really weird, stupid hormones, makes us confuse more than we
already are 
yuyu_art says:   28 November 2007   156414  
D:> I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if I can help......I'm not a very
understanding person, just one who tries to be nice. I'm also an
overthinker on just about everything, so I find simple things hard to
do. I'm a perfectionist, so I feel horrible when something doesn't
come out well, and not even just in art!

 you should get to know some people on kupika. It really helps to
confide in someone. Try darkoekaki.  She's the most understanding
person I know. I really just came to kupika for the art, and I'm am
most definitily not an expert on emotions. ;^; I'm sorry, but I just
can't help
StarDust says:   28 November 2007   398434  
You could be emotionally unwell or depressed. It happens. If you eat
a lot of sugar that might be why =/ I do and when my sugar level drops
from eating too much sugar I feel like telling everyone to go away.

But depression is what it sounds like. See how long this continues
for? I don't know, but talk to someone. At my school we're doing it in
PSHE so the teacher (are head of year) told us to talk about our

I don't know if I'm over re-acting. But anyways *gives you a hug and
cookie* come talk to me...if you can stand my rambling >.<
DoOp says:   28 November 2007   398588  
awwwie : ) You're all too kind ^^ I'm betting it's from just..raging
emotions and stuff ^^;;; I'm  only 16 so...I'm hoping it's that :3  I
over think ALOT of things and I like to get things right...althoughI
can be very lazy at times ><

I've been like this for like..ever XD off, on off.. I talk to some
people D: but i lie most of the time T.T
i_am_not_emo says:   28 November 2007   132119  
Its' alright...you can try talking to either me or darkoekaki (but
more likely darkoekaki, she can be more understanding than I am!)
seal3 says:   28 November 2007   147214  
you need to stop being afraid 
everyone is stupid at times
but we can't let it get the best of us 
you shouldn't let your emotions be botteled up 
you need to find anunderstanding soul 
that may be diffrent part of you but its still you

you can talk to me
seal3 says:   28 November 2007   264131  
if you want
Stella_De_Luna says:   28 November 2007   288521  
. . . NO suiside, doop! D< *Holds anti-suicidal sign infront of your

Breathe. Realax. Never let anything go.. 
Thats my moto anyway.. ^^ 
I know it sounds weird, but if you let something past, like its just
nothing when it really is, its going to get worse and worse. Before
you start crying, committing suicide, etc.. Breathe in for four
seconds. Hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds. And
before you do anything, wait for four seconds. That gives you a total
of 16 seconds to relax ANYWHERE. So.. ^^
DoOp says:   28 November 2007   615313  
haha, I do a lot of deep breathings to relax.  I stopped thinkin
about killing myself when I realized how much of a waste it'd be : )
So I won't be dying anytime soon. :D

I'm always hiding in my shell D> I really need to get out more. 

-hugs all- thanks so much for all the love ;_____; you're all too kind
burijetto says:   28 November 2007   232174  
amen to that...feel better though! -hug-
Bernie says:   29 November 2007   279439  
I feel exactly the same sometimes. Thanks for making this diary. It's
nice to know at least one other person feels the way I do.
*huggles DoOp*
DoOp says:   29 November 2007   335886  
 <3333 -hugg!!!- ^^
darkoekaki says:   29 November 2007   266411  
I feel that way all the time--like I'm supposed to be one thing, but
I'm not, and I act completely the opposite; like the prison door is
wide open, but I refuse to come out; like I'm tangled in strings that
I can't cut.
Nobody truly knows who they are until it comes the time to leave
Though that may sound morbid, it's one of the truest lessons I have
ever gained and will ever pass on to someone else.
The fact that you hide in a shell isn't helping, and if I sound
critical, I'm sorry.
You need to find people that you can truly open up to, and these
people are your best and true friends.
They're the kind of people who always help you straighten up and hold
your head high.
You start to feel like the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is
disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and
farther into the background--just like the Cheshire cat.
But people around you, anyone, in fact, will make you feel better.
It's a matter of learning what to talk about and to learn not to lie
to them about how you feel.

I hope that comment wasn't too long.
DoOp says:   29 November 2007   768428  
I like long comments :D don't worry

I guess, um.. I did have friends...but now that I've moved away from
them...I can always call but that doesn't mean they're not busy... I
can't talk to them anymore..It's always said I could email them, but
words could never truly express the way I feel because I'm terrible at
them. ): 

It's weird..I do trust people but never with my emotions.  I think
it's bother some to talk about them..I don't want to cry all the time
but I know I will if I talk about them.  I'm really sensitive, I try
to act strong and hold myself together but I'm always crumbling apart.
 Every second of my life is beautiful and i love it but I'm always
forgetting a moving on.  I see no hope in the past accept knowledge
and of that i'm a hypocrite of myself.  I know I need to open up to
people but I've opened up before but only to lose them.  Because they
have their own lives and I do too.  I can't always hold onto someone. 
Other times if I'm not comfortable around people...or I'm deathly
afraid of their reactions to who i am, I just lie and it makes things
I do feel like I'm disappearing but...in the end. I unno I'm jumbled
darkoekaki says:   29 November 2007   487348  
People who aren't willing to listen and understand your feelings
aren't real friends.
But you need to let go of the past.
The past is the past, and it can't be changed, but the future hasn't
happened yet, and you can fiddle around all you want, because that's
what creates the "happy ending."
It's true; you can't hold on to someone who doesn't want to be held on
to, but you can find people who want someone else to always talk to
about feelings, about life, about anything.
Small lies lead into larger lies, and larger lies, until they take
You can't keep lying to people.
If they can't accept you for who you are, then they won't do well in
They've got to learn that everyone is different, and it's their
differences that make the world.
Life is confusing, but like you said, life is beautiful.
Life is worth living for, no matter how jumbled, no matter how bad, no
matter how frustrating it is.
DoOp says:   29 November 2007   448891  

I lie a lot, yes.  to my parents that is... I don't want them to know
who I really feel inside. ): I tell them a lot about other things but
if it's one things I'll never confide with my mother nor father is who
I am.  I know they'd laugh at me and call me stupid. I love them and
they love me but that's all it'll ever be.  A blood bond.  
People are very different and I constantly go to meet new people and
explore.  I love to talk and I love to ...be with friends : ) I'm
currently love sick right now (///) and I think I've said something
very stupid to the guy I like. I think he hates me right now but I'll
know for sure tomorrow when I see him during class ^^; I hope to clear
it of any misunderstandings.  Or maybe it's just me that's thinking
too hard? ): I over think things and I make things seem worse then
they are.. I need to settle down and shut up sometimes.  
A happy ending always seems impossible when I speak with my parents, I
want to find a soul mate but they believe I'll run off and have sex
with guys.  i'm not like that but why do they insist I am? Do all my
troubles initiate from my parents whom seem to rough...but yet they
spoil me.  i'm a terrible child and I want to do the best I can for my
parents but I never can.. I'm not smart, talented ...nothing.  I have
to be the best to win them over but I know I won't be... ):
darkoekaki says:   29 November 2007   473361  
I lie to my parents also.
I feel that my parents don't understand me, but I'm sure many others
think so too.
No words are stupid, and if it was a misunderstanding, then it was
simply a misunderstanding, nothing more.
Mistakes like that can be fixed.
Maybe you're thinking too hard.
Maybe things are fine.
You should always believe the best, but prepare for the worst.
Parents are always overprotective, and that's their nature.
They always think the worst of everything.
They think if you fail a test, the world is ending.
They think if you love someone, you'll end up having sex and
contracting an STD.
They think everything that has small chances of happening will
You're not a terrible child; you only feel that way because you don't
think that you meet up to their standards.
DoOp says:   29 November 2007   481672  
: ) Life is life and I know I'll deal. I can't think much of anything
to say ><

<333 thanks so much for the chat ;w; -hug-
yuyu_art says:   29 November 2007   433566  
 told ya. Darkoekaki is amazingly clairvoyant. :3
ZanyZeldaFan says:   29 November 2007   238574  
=o doooooooop! you derserve huggle *gives doOp biggest hug of her
life and almost squashes her* nyah i will always talk to you if you
need someone to talk to  aaaand i think everyone has those feelings
all the time secretly =3
DoOp says:   29 November 2007   781874  
: ) hehe true yuyu <33

awwie zany ;w; !! -holdhugsclings- >w<
Stella_De_Luna says:   30 November 2007   379761  
*half asleep* Because i am a retard. That  is why. :3
DoOp says:   30 November 2007   496136  
sleeeppyyy -zzzzz- x3
Lii_Chan says:   8 December 2007   341961  
Meza read it...and meza shocked on how this ish exactly how Im
feeling in life too!  We ish leh birds on a wire.. (Furuba fans will
know that..)
DoOp says:   8 December 2007   677488  
haha ^^ -hug-
lil_miss_annie says:   29 January 2008   655239  
omg! Finally someone understands how i feel! i have been searching
the planet and i have now found this diary page and ths i is jsut how
i feel *gives bug squeezy huggle wuggle that ur head falls off* I wish
i could talk to someone too!
DoOp says :   29 January 2008   656629  
-huggles- : ) awwie that's great to hear *W* having someone to talk
to always makes my day so much brighter


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