Thursday, 21 January 2016
02:57:22 AM (GMT)
It seems as if I've made my way back onto this site... Which could be a good thing,
that I have time to be on here...
But it could also be bad, that I'm awake well into the night instead of sleeping,
that I'm typing to almost strangers instead of close friends, that I'm not letting
anyone in, that I don't have anyone to let in...
Time is a strange thing. You don't notice the long passages of time that just seem to
exist. Instead we focus on the minutes, the seconds.
It feels as if today has been much longer than the past year, even though it's not
These minutes haunt me still. I've tried to get help but to many things have changed.
I don't know if I want to change them back.
No friends. No hangouts. No study sessions. No midnight talks about boys. No binge
watching random tv.
All I do is school, work, home.
No friends. No activities to distract from the loneliness.
Everything was so much easier when I was younger. Had a friend, a best friend. Helped
me through everything...
Until she became the problem.
In cases like this, I hate time passing. We grew apart. Became different. Too
Now she, the social butterfly, is free to explore. While I'm left in the cocoon.
It's fun not having anyone to talk to. What's the point of having a cell phone?
No one talks to me. Only work messages.
I'm not even invested in finding someone to end the loneliness.
Feels like I deserve it. That I'm to picky.
That I'll never be happy, that I'll sabotage whatever I have going for me.
I still remember his birthday. October 31st. How could I forget?
It's on my favorite holiday. I even have it saved on my phone in case a miricale
happens and I forget it. I'll never be able to forget about him.
He is the driving factor of why I'm miserable. He made everything okay. Just by
seeing his message every day.
But I disappointed him. What else could have happened. Now he's gone.
It's been almost two years without him... Two of his birthdays. Almost two of mine.
I still can't forget him.
He probably already forgot about me.
Maybe this'll turn into one of those romance movie cliches and we'll find each other
and everything will work out great.
Happily ever after.
Yet he has her.
Someone actually good for him. Someone he can help, protect, not have to worry about
her fucking up.
This is why I tried to stay away from this site... It's to painful.
I remember so much of him that with every click I see him.
I loved him.
I love him.
And probably always will...
My demon, my love, gone to roam. To be free.
Wherever you are, live life. Be happy.