Wednesday, 30 November 2011
03:19:06 AM (GMT)
So. most of my life is for once going pretty OK. I'm still losing weight, though not
quite as fast as I was before I plateaued.
Adrian is becoming more amazing by the day.
I can't believe I ever doubted him.
I love him. I really do.
I want to tell him so badly. I was going to tomorrow, but I never had the right
Today, I just chickened out.
He understands why its so hard for me to say that to him, why I can't. At least
"I won't say it until I'm sure of it, until I have no doubt"
That's the reason I told him. But two, I didn't yet.
Because unlike sex, or touches, or even a relationship, those words can never be
forced from you and still retain any meaning.
I might say it to my friends, but it's not the same meaning. It's easy.
Because he has said it before to someone. Because he meant it. Because now I can't be
the first girl he's loved.
Because I worry if he says it back, and I know he will, he might be thinking about
the last time he said it. Because he might not mean it as much.
Spending time with him today was amazing, and tomorrow will be even better.
But I don't know if I can say it, at least not first..
Sometimes, I almost wish he could read this.