Wednesday, 16 November 2011
09:49:35 AM (GMT)
The meditations are helping.
The last couple days, I have had very profound experiences while meditating.
Everything seems to come together and make sense.
The voices are getting somewhat louder, and I will continue to ask for Jesse and I to
The key to it is accepting that I can't control it.
If it is meant to happen, it will, and if it isn't then it won't.
I will continue to ask every day. Asking seemed to work before, maybe it can again
Staying away from drugs and alcohol is going to be very important I think.
I don't see much of a problem with doing it occasionally to relax or have fun, but
when they become a means of coping, as they have recently, then it can become a very
I think having a clear mind is very important to realizing what we are completely
Exercising could also be a very significant part of that.
I think that going off to college is going to be a very big moment in my life.
It will be the first big test of our relationship, and I think I need that.
I know Jesse loves me and I know I love her, so getting through this together is just
going to further build our trust and prove our loyalty to each other.
We have had our time to bond, and now we must spend time apart, though we are never
far from each others' heart.
This will be my chance to get back on track in school, to get back in shape, to learn
to trust again, and to learn to cope with things that are out of my control.
I have made a lot of improvement since meeting Jesse, but I still have much work to
This will be the ultimate test of everything I have, and I have confidence that I can
get through it just fine.
I will just enjoy the ride, give it my best effort and never back down when things
get too tough.
The difference now is that I have the most amazing girl in the world supporting
everything I do, and with her help I can do absolutely anything.
The worrying and anxiety is getting better.
I just hope that Jesse is okay, but I know I will always be there if she needs me.
Everything is going to be okay, firefly.
We just need to make a conscious effort everyday to improve who we are.
To meditate, to learn, to grow as people.
To move past the memories and experiences that haunt us, to accept that the paths we
have taken were exactly what we needed to go through.
I have faith in the world now, hun.
I have faith in you.
Every day, if we try our best to be the best people we can be, then everything will
be just fine.
I love you, Jesse.
I always will.