Friday, 2 September 2011
04:54:04 PM (GMT)
It is hard to explain why I feel this way, but I can feel things starting to all
come together, like my life is a giant puzzle and the pieces are just now starting to
fit together in the proper way.
Over the past month, my first month with Jesse, everything has become so much
I have learned so much about myself that before only seemed like thoughts, or
intuition, and just the way everybody's brain works.
I have learned that it is so much more.
The way her and I met, it wasn't coincidence, it wasn't chance.
It was far too strange to be that.
If I had time to explain it all, I would, but I don't feel the need to.
Her and I both understand it, to some degree.
I have discovered so much more about this world, and about what lies beyond it, I
feel like I am opening my eyes for the first time.
I never have to be alone anymore.
She has made it a point to remain with me at all times.
I'm not saying this because we are in love or we feel like we are soulmates, or
whatever general term foolish teens have applied to their hormonal attractions.
I KNOW THIS.
SHE KNOWS THIS.
FUCK WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS.
I still struggle with everything.
With the worry, the doubt, the disbelief.
The things that my brain has been programmed to feel as a default to any
I struggle at times more than I ever have, but I know it is just the beginning of
Something beyond this world.
Everyday gets at least a litte bit better.
I figure out ways to worry less, I learn more about myself and everything around me.
My perception of life is constantly changing, and it is bringing back my childlike
Today, I was able to spend a day away from her, and not worry.
It was amazing.
I spent some time with my best friend, and we have a productive, yet laid back, day.
I drove home and was able to just enjoy the sights, sounds, and the true meaning in
every song that came on.
I know that I can go without smoking, without drinking, without taking pills, without
cutting, without worrying, without breaking things, without getting in my car and
driving 90 MPH down my road.
This is only the beginning, a tiny fraction of the life her and I will have
I am learning to trust my thoughts.
Oddly enough, my fortune cookie today said "The smart thing to do is to trust your
That really spoke to me.
I have a feeling that I have yet to discover how amazing this life and what lies
beyond can truly be.
I feel like the winds of change are blowing past me, through my hair, my fingers,
lifting me up when I am down.
I will take this opportunity and never look back.
I love you, Firefly, more than you could or ever will know.
and I know that you love me too.
Things couldn't be more perfect.
Everything is changing, in the most perfect way possible.