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This diary entry is written by Kablammo_Dude. ( View all entries )
 

Not again.Category: (general)
Monday, 25 July 2011
10:19:34 PM (GMT)
I told myself it wouldn't happen again. I convinced myself for two years that I was
fine on my own, that I could keep myself away from everyone. I was doing great,
better than I have been in a long time, then I somehow go against everything I had
worked so hard to achieve. The peace of mind, the stability, the organized thoughts
that has become such a welcome change, all disappeared in an instant. 
It was her.
It all started with a friend request. To most this would just seem like another
random person, looking to increase their collection of various nameless faces and
aquaintances. 
This was different. 
She wanted to know me, perhaps, to be my friend. Timing is everything I suppose. 
I waited for the right moment to talk to her, but my own self doubt won the battle on
most occasions. I would be on the brink of starting a conversation, then slip back
into my own little world, safe and comfortable once again.
That's when it returned.
The constant self-abusing thoughts, the doubt, the inability to find a single moment
of tranquility. 
Maybe it was a mistake, but I couldn't let my lack of self-esteem hinder my life any
more.


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