Tuesday, 21 September 2010
02:57:58 AM (GMT)
Oh my dearest,
I agree, I did want too much attention… I’ve changed, a lot. I see it. I hear it.
And I also HATE it with like… the strongest passion. I understand now where you
coming from… Sometimes I even knew what I was doing wrong… I tried to stop it. I
really did try. I feel horrible now. =/ I miss the old us, terribly. You weren’t a
horrible friend either; I just get jealous thinking you’re with her or whatever…
you know? I’m sorry I got that way. I’m sorry for never letting you ever get a
word into whatever we’d talk about. I really am. And I just KNEW he would have said
something like that to you. I am so sorry he did. Ignore him, because that is not
what I said at all! God, that irritates me so much that he would say that to you. No,
the day this all happened, we hung out and shit. Like, I just decided to tell him
everything because…well… it was kind of confusing if I left out the big part out.
I just didn’t care anymore if he knew… Like… I just wanted to cry. I know I got
mad at you, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I just didn’t want her out of
all people to know that… I’d rather have my dad know first then for her to know.
I don’t trust her worth shit. But with him I just kept smoking to hold back tears,
because I know once the entire town knows (if they don’t know already….) I’m
never going to hear the end of it. I know it. 2 years left living in this town
I never said I wanted to beat your ass though. I did say I wanted to hit HER in the
face though. Of course, I don’t plan to unless she and I got into a fight and she
hit me first. Self defense, hah.
But, ugh… I wish things we the same again, you know? *sigh* I told myself I
wouldn’t give in, no matter what. That wasn’t going to deal with this anymore.
But, we’ve been friends for like… what 4 or 4 1/2 years now? It really wouldn’t
be right of me to turn my back though. I guess I didn’t really think it through
before I just quit talking to you. I didn’t realize how much it’d hurt, how much
I just want to cry during the day and night, how much I felt lost. I’m pathetic,
but I’m telling you the honest to god truth. Ha, this whole last part sounds like
we’re lesbians and we broke up, hah.
Any who, let me ask you this, yeah it’s going to hurt if you say no but I won’t
die, hah. But, do you want to give this another shot? We could both change; have a
day where it’s just you and I.
If you do, let’s text and talk about it. Okay?
Now matter what I’ve said, any of the bad things… Don’t over think it, I
didn’t mean to be a bitch to you.
I love you oh so much, dear. That’ll never change. You’ve always have a place in
my heart. (Total lesbian moment. Hah. Nooo)