Friday, 2 January 2009
11:00:01 PM (GMT)
My perfect wife.
I HATE it! I'M the perfect one around here.
DON'T STEAL MY THUNDER BITCH.
Don't tell her I said that or she'll PMS like that time Jacob nicknamed our daughter
I have a MUTANT daughter.
I mean- hybrid daughter. A wonderful, weird (I mean unique) hybrid child.
Who's my favorite little Prius?
She's upset because no matter how much she fucks Emmett she can't get pregnant.
What's this 'because I'm a vampy' excuse? There's humans with the same problem! GET
OVER IT BITCH. You don't see goddamn Alice complaining so STFU. (Psh. Vampires
This is one crazy-ass vampire, right here. I put weathermen out of their jobs, hardy
She interrupts my time with Bella at 1AM to ask me to get the cookie jar on the top
GET OFF MY LAWN.
Don't trust this woman. Matchmaker my ass! SHE'S IN THE LEAGUE WITH CUPID. SHE'LL GET
CUPID TO STICK AN ARROW SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU CAN'T GET IT OUT. Ever!
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Teddy bear is right. He's so weak he lost to my WIFE in the battle of all battles.
Stop laughing you son of a bitch! Nothing's THAT funny!
Alice made him tattoo 'Don't Make Me Make You Chillax' on his back. Exhibit B of
wimps. I mean, seriously. The one who looks like he's in pain? Whee-oo, whee-oo, wuss
What's up, doc?
He's trying to steal my thunder, too! My popularity! I see right through that white
fancy-ass coat. And no girls, it is not pleasant. It's ALL manipulation underneath
Well I got two words for you: