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Edward Cullen Summarizes His FamilyCategory: (general)
Saturday, 3 January 2009
04:00:01 AM (GMT)
Bella Cullen
My perfect wife.
Too perfect.
I HATE it! I'M the perfect one around here.
DON'T STEAL MY THUNDER BITCH.
Don't tell her I said that or she'll PMS like that time Jacob nicknamed our daughter
Nessie.

Renesmee Cullen
I have a MUTANT daughter.
I mean- hybrid daughter. A wonderful, weird (I mean unique) hybrid child.
Who's my favorite little Prius?

Rosalie Hale
She's upset because no matter how much she fucks Emmett she can't get pregnant.
What's this 'because I'm a vampy' excuse? There's humans with the same problem! GET
OVER IT BITCH. You don't see goddamn Alice complaining so STFU. (Psh. Vampires
with vaginas.)

Alice Cullen
This is one crazy-ass vampire, right here. I put weathermen out of their jobs, hardy
har har!
She interrupts my time with Bella at 1AM to ask me to get the cookie jar on the top
shelf.
GET OFF MY LAWN.

Esme Cullen
Don't trust this woman. Matchmaker my ass! SHE'S IN THE LEAGUE WITH CUPID. SHE'LL GET
CUPID TO STICK AN ARROW SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU CAN'T GET IT OUT. Ever!
Don't say I didn't warn you.

Emmett Cullen
Teddy bear is right. He's so weak he lost to my WIFE in the battle of all battles.
Pfft. Wimp.
Stop laughing you son of a bitch! Nothing's THAT funny!

Jasper Hale
Alice made him tattoo 'Don't Make Me Make You Chillax' on his back. Exhibit B of
wimps. I mean, seriously. The one who looks like he's in pain? Whee-oo, whee-oo, wuss
alert!

Carlisle Cullen
What's up, doc?
He's trying to steal my thunder, too! My popularity! I see right through that white
fancy-ass coat. And no girls, it is not pleasant. It's ALL manipulation underneath
there.
Well I got two words for you:
BITE ME.

Special Bonus
Jacob Black
PEDOALERTPEDOALERTPEDOALERTPEDOALERTPEDOALERTPEDOALERTPEDOALERT.

Comments 
‹Northern Italy♥› says:   3 January 2009   845313  
Lolol. xD
I love it all!
 
‹B r o f i s t ♥ Shanaynay!› says:   3 January 2009   583229  
Skylar summarizes Twilight in total;

Lame, Overrated, Unoriginal.

: D
 
Conspiring says:   3 January 2009   433547  
Thanks, Riku.

And ROFL, Tot. :D Very, oh so true.
 
Bootheghost says:   3 January 2009   956636  
Special bonus is epic. <3
 
StrawberrySHOCK says:   3 January 2009   316963  
Haha xDD
PEDO ALERRTTTT.

Epic win.
 
Conspiring says:   3 January 2009   629439  
Thanks, dudes. xD

Oh, and no pun intended in the Carlisle bit. ;P
 
‹AFIIQAA! Says heyy.› says:   4 January 2009   111285  
LOLOLOLXD

Nice:D
 
‹Vibrant ★ Greyscale› says:   5 January 2009   445663  
Actually cried because I laughed.
'No matter how much she fucks Emmett she can't get pregnant.' XD
 
saralyn247 says:   5 January 2009   751755  
Bahaha, I love this. xD
 
miss_harajuku says:   23 January 2009   239964  
Do you hate Twilight?
 
‹iFUCKINGloveHATS› says:   23 January 2009   313216  
You are my idol now, good sir.
 
Katilix says:   23 January 2009   867733  
*bows*

Although I do like Twilight, this report is sooooo true.
 
Conspiring says :   24 January 2009   474887  
Thanks, dudes. :]

@Izzle- I think it's overrated and the obsession is unnecessary and
idiotic. 
 
 
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