Wednesday, 27 August 2014
02:34:19 AM (GMT)
You may think I get off on being bullied.
There is a difference between what I get off on and being bullied. I
dont have to explain to you what gets me off.
These past few weeks have been rough, I've been riding an emotional rollercoaster run
by my hormones, I had a triggering event earlier in the week and I relapsed. I don't
cut physically, I cut mentally. I cut myself with my words, beating myself up until I
have nothing left to live for.
And honestly, I might follow all the other smart people and take a break from this
site for awhile. I'll give people any contact info that they need but I won't hand it
out randomly. Talking to random people is what I want to avoid. I'll keep my account
because I hate making new ones and I'll visit every now and then but I need to get my
head straight. I have been doing so well and I don't give a shit what you say. You
don't know what I'm going through. I look in the mirror and see nothing worthwhile. I
can't love myself and I'm starting to believe everything people tell me.
I believe I'm worthless.
I believe I should die.
I believe I'm a freak.
I believe I'm a slut.
I believe I'm an attention whore.
I believe no one loves me.
I believe I'm a nobody.
I have been opening up old wounds, thongs that havent bothered me since last summer
or May, two years ago. You don't have to believe I'm getting better, I know I am, but
it's not enough for me. All I care about is keeping my clothes on my body.
Because I'm ugly and no one wants to see that.
Because by doing that I really am a slut.
Because I'm only looking for attention.