Saturday, 23 August 2014
02:37:11 AM (GMT)
I recently had found out that an old boyfriend of mine passed away due to unknown
causes. As far as I know, he did do drugs (weed and LSD), but overall, they are still
looking into his death.
We had dated over 3 years ago, for a little over a year. And honestlyu, I'm having
mixed feelings about it. During the first few months of our relationship, he was a
sweetheart. It wasn't until after a while, he became controlling and abrasive. He
prevented me from being around friends, got angry if I hung around family. He would
say a lot of bitter things, and despite it all, I stayed with him. I had felt as
though everything that went wrong was purely because of me. It was a long time ago,
but I remember crying every night and just feeling really weak and alone. It was as
though nothing I did would ever please him. Long story short, we ended bitterly. I
just remember feeling a though I had lost a bit of my confidence, my voice, while I
was with him, and so even to this day, I'm fairly spiteful for everything that had
happened. I've really tried to look back, and understand it all, but in the end, I
just felt like it was so unfair the way he treated me.
Even so, I find that many people around me are having mixed feeling about his death
as well. He teased, bullied and pushed people around unforgivingly. Only a handful of
people had seen his good side ( just as I had for the first few months of our
relationship ) but even so, the way he treated me, the people around him, he was just
I honestly feel bad for his family. His father was a lively man, and both his younger
brother and my younger brother are friends. They had always treated me nicely, and so
I sincerely wish the best for them to get through his tragedy. But deep down, I find
it difficult to say that I truly feel mournful for his loss. Surprised, yes, but
overall, almost a feeling of nothingness. I have nothing but terrible memories with
him, and I find it difficult to say that I truly miss him, or feel any kind of grief.
I know it sounds horrible, and I'm trying so hard not to feel so spiteful, but on the
other hand, I can't. The time I spent with him became one of the lowest points in my
life, and I just can't get over that. As heartless as it sounds, I just don't know
how to truly feel about this situation.
In the end, I truly hope the best for his family, as well as the few who he had
treated kindly. I know he meant the world to them.