Friday, 4 January 2013
08:05:44 PM (GMT)
My mind was reeling. I just couldn't get that moment out of my head.
I saw him
take a look. He had glanced at my wrists. My scarred wrists. A somewhat
distressed expression painted his lovely face. And then it was just....gone. It
reminded me of a flash of lightening during a summer thunderstorm; the way it appears
suddenly, lingering for only a moment, and the sky goes black again. Just like that.
Like he noticed, and it pained him to see how I had hurt for so long. But I don't
think he wanted me to know he cared so much. Or maybe it wasn't distress for me, but
for himself. Maybe he thought, What the fuck have I gotten myself into? Or
maybe it was neither. Perhaps I'm just some stupid seventeen year old who doesn't
know shit. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I saw him take a look.
By this point, the fear of losing him had settled in. It's not that I
thought he didn't want to be with me. It was the fact that I can't read him.
He's much like a closed book. More so like a locked diary that you found in the
charred remains of an old abandoned house that you're just dying to read, but
you can't find the key. You search and search, but to no avail. The key is hidden in
a now non-existent box that must've perished a hundred years ago, along with the
inhabitants of the house. You can't get in that diary, and you can't get in his mind.
So you lie awake at night, over thinking and stressing and driving yourself to the
point of literal insanity. You start to become less coherent. You begin making rash
decisions, and you eventually lose yourself under the weight of the world.
OKAY. I'm still working. I'll post more to it eventually, if anyone wants me to.
Last edited: 4 January 2013