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This diary entry is written by Daddys_doll. ( View all entries )
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I love you but I'm done.Category: Personal Ramblings
Monday, 28 May 2012
01:09:18 PM (GMT)
I love you more than anything but I'm done with this shit.
I cannot be in a relationship with your life revolving around what you had with her
despite the fact we've been done with her for months. She doesn't want to be with us,
don't you get that? She wants her own life now and she has the right to want
something different from you. You know that though and it pisses you off and it makes
you miserable. You make yourself miserable too by keeping her around, you realize
that too. Hell, when I asked you " Why can you live your life your way but she
can't?" all you could say was, "Jesus fuck, seriously, go hang out with her instead
if you're suddenly so adamantly taking her side. I don't care. Why? Because it's
fucking ruining me." If it's ruining you though then do the smart thing in this
situation. You have the choice to cut her off though, sure that won't help you out
much now, but in the long run it will. You don't want to believe that though. What
you do want is for her to cave in and come back, hoping things will be fine again. We
don't need her, she was scum and nothing good. She lied to us, she cheated on you/us,
and for god sake she has a 3 year old daughter and the father of the child. You
cannot expect her to give up the child for your sake. It wouldn't work either way. On
top of that I hate her so much, if she did come back to us, I'd be
gone because I refuse to deal with her lies and smoke & mirrors again. You don't care
though, you just want her back.

What's it matter now? I told you I was done with you now. I love you but I can't be
your rebound either, even if I was here before your break up with her. I don't know
how break ups in polyamorous relationships work but I can tell you it's unfair as
hell to grieve this much over the lost one to the point where you would rather kill
yourself and ignore the fact the other is still here. I've been nothing but loyal and
loving to you. Why do you need her so bad? Especially when she was never even loyal
to you? You dated her for two years and knew next to nothing about her, you didn't
even know her last name! That right there already screams not a serious relationship,
you disagree though. Whatever. I should be upset over this, I should be bawling over
this. I'm not though. I'm so fed up with you. I saw this coming, I knew this shit
with her wasn't done and I was a fool to believe you were getting over her. Why do
you think it pissed me off so much that you'd still keep her around. It's obvious why
you kept her around still but I stated that earlier. I think this pushed me over the
edge, I was already on the edge this morning over the fact you've constantly been
ignoring more lately and not replying for 10-20 minutes, yet the whole time you were
there arguing with her. And here I was stupidly thinking you went AFK since your
mother woke up. Who was I kidding? Whenever she's on you get quiet around me.

I'd love to say I'm sorry I wasn't good enough but I'm not sorry. What I am
sorry about is is that you couldn't grow some balls, be a man, and get over her OR
have the decency to break up with me knowing your life would forever revolve around
her. Guess I really was just a [failing] rebound. I should have listened to
Sarah too, she was right about this.

I deserve better. But who am I kidding? I'm not interested in anyone
else. I strongly dislike people anyways.
Anyways, I hope you realize your loss at some point; you would've realized it sooner
or later at some point though since you were so dead set on bringing her back.

Why am I not upset? Why am I not crying over this?
No I lie I am upset, it hurts that I have to do this but what choice do I have? Alex
is right too, "well if youre unhappy with it then you should get out of it".
Things were great between us at some point until we found out about the shit about
her. It was better when she was randomly and constantly disappearing on us and you
were beginning to accept that and not feel for her as much (time does change things,
see?). God, I hate her. I wish she was dead.

Edit 2:
I don't want this to be the end. Why does it have to be this way? Why am I not good
enough? Why do I not matter as much to you? If I left you wouldn't even be as upset.
I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do.
Last edited: 28 May 2012

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